Sunday, April 8, 2018

Life | My Past Birthday's...

It's my birthday week.

And though I'm not turning a significant age I thought I'd look back on all my past birthdays. As a reminder, if you will.

I'm a little sad I'm not going on vacation or doing anything epic this year for my birthday. I am going on foodie adventures through out the DFW area though which I am REALLY REALLY excited about especially since there's a few places I've really wanted to try since I moved here!

But I was thinking the other day and this morning; I had mentioned to Bubba I never look forward to my birthday. Like ever. And though I've had traditions that I've held on pretty tightly to through out the years I wonder, really, how do I FEEL about my birthday?





My life feels divided into chapters sometimes.

Of course there were the birthday's when I was a kid; you do usual kid stuff like throw a party. Have your friends over, blahblahblah but to be honest I always felt like my Christmas parties were more epic than my birthday parties as a kid. As I got older all I wanted to do was spend the day in San Francisco with my friends. I didn't even do anything 'birthday' like when I was there.

Oh and when I was 17 I went to school, came home, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me VIA AIM (AOL INSTANT MESSENGER), I got sad, my cousin took me to Elephant Bar to cheer me up and that was pretty much my entire day.

So I mean, as a kid... my birthday's weren't really a big deal or anything other than an ordinary day.
When I started dating M felt like another chapter; if you've been here you know at some point I was married (like when I had started this blog) though I know I didn't talk about my marriage too much because tbh, I hated it. Everything about it. I grew up thinking marriage was fuckin stupid and he wanted to get married whereas I told him I never wanted to (he joined the military to convince me to) and went into the marriage still hating the idea of being married. It was stupid and unfair and he was always taking my money and taking advantage of me.

But the first of my birthday's we had together his parents got me a plushie I wanted cause at the time I was REALLY into Neopets. I still have him somewhere I think. Birthday's after that he'd make me breakfast and we'd go to the mall or go eat at Todai (a seafood buffet I really liked back home) but I remember one early birthday we were at a mall waiting for Todai to open and here's the thing --- M NEVER bought me a birthday gift HIMSELF. He never got me a card. He never planned for my birthday really. So this particular birthday he was throwing a fit. At the mall. He wanted to buy me a card but he literally had NO MONEY AT ALL and so he was throwing a fit cause he wanted to borrow money from me to buy me a card.

So he bought me a card.

He didn't even write in it.

He literally walked out of the store, stuck it in the envelope and handed it to me.
Yeah.

And that is how the rest of my birthday's for 11 years went.

Often times I'd take myself to Disneyland or Vegas.

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My birthday in 2012 @ Vegas

The last birthday I celebrated in Vegas was in 2012, I remember M was grumpy the entire fuckin time. At the time he was playing DC Universe and had this guild who "depended on him cause he was the best dps on the server" well he told them that he'd be gone for 3 days to go to Vegas, he didn't say WHY or with WHO because there was a chick he played with ALL FUCKIN DAY there and he didn't like people knowing he was married.

I usually like to have a special outfit or something for Valentine's Day or my birthday and tbh, these things were just for me since he never noticed nor cared or commented. But this birthday sucked. I tried so hard to be excited since I LOVE going to Vegas and trying new food places. There's always something new when I go and I love going to Wicked Spoon buffet. But he was just, ugh. He spent the whole weekend playing games on his DS. Literally. Like he'd eat with me but he wouldn't really say much or participate in anything I was doing much and I don't know, everything was going wrong that day and it was just really shitty.

I feel like my Disney life started another chapter.

So going backwards to 2011 which was my FIRST BIRTHDAY AT DISNEY WORLD;




I took the week off for my birthday to do nothing but eat around the entire property. I started with getting a kids Mickey ice cream cone on Main Street in Magic Kingdom. I also went and hunted down some Cutesters Series 1 Vinylmations and this was my outfit for that birthday; this loose fitting Snow White tee that I'm still in love with and dapper Minnie Mouse ears.

This birthday was pretty okay, I set a reservation for Ohana and I think this was the first time I had ever gone and it was SO good.

And yes, I paid for everything myself.

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In 2013 when we went back to Disney I again took a week off and I had planned this birthday for myself completely because at this point I was getting it; he didn't care enough to even SPEND my birthday with me.

This birthday however, was a different kind of sad. And it's one I will never forget.

I took the week off and I had a list of places I wanted to try around property for each day of the week, tbh I shoulda just went alone since he didn't want to be there anyway and since I again had to pay for EVERYTHING.

My mom did sent me a bday package though and it included this little balloon. She use to get me these balloons all the time which I liked cause they never popped.

I had 3 outfits I think this one I'm wearing here was one of the main outfits of the week and I loved the way it came out! You can't see the baby blue belt I paired it with but I loved the look of this shirt with the mini top hat.

So my birthday is on the 12th and I had started celebrating it on the 10th. On the 11th was his friend Chanel's birthday which he went to her birthday lunch and I was okay with that. I had set an appt for me to get a facial after noon and we were suppose to head to EPCOT which was walking distance and eat lunch/dinner in France at Chefs de France. So I go and wait for him for maybe 15 mins after my facial was suppose to start before I give up and just go ahead. The facial took about an hour and by the time I was done he still hadn't made it to the spa so I waited some more. And some more. Until he finally showed up. I was a little irritated --- I don't remember if I had or hadn't made a reservation for Chefs de France but I knew he didn't want go to cause anything France was gay (he was big on saying things were 'gay', like he didn't want to tell people he was married cause that was 'gay'. I never figured out that logic, but whatever). But I argued to go since it was MY birthday, after all.

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This was also the year I started doing these traditional birthday photo's of me sitting on Cinderella's well in Magic Kingdom.

I legit don't know how I came up with this, I guess I wanted to sit somewhere pretty. But this was my bday outfit for the day of my birthday. My dress has anchors on it. I bought it at the store I worked at (Fittings & Fairings inside the Yacht Club resort) for like $56 or something insane. It was for in memory of my grandpa who always use to call me his 'birthday twin' he was a sailor when I was born and for most of my mom's life so his room always had a lot of sea inspired stuff. It was also the first time I wore a dress for my birthday.

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Little details from my outfit. I started to fall in love with Rose Gold and I think it was because of this watch (also bought from my store)! It has Rose Gold details, a pink strap and the face is made of real pearl. The bracelet is from Baubblebar or whatever it's called, I kept it in its dust pouch but it still managed to tarnish which is sad.

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It was also the first year the EPCOT Flower & Garden Festival included food and the first and only time Italy had this delicious Spinach Lasagna. I wish I knew what was in it because OMG this thing was amaaaazing. It never came back so I'm thinking I may have to learn how to cook so I can attempt to recreate it lol!
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My birthday for 2014 wasn't any better.

But I did wear pink and white.

This was the year Kenz showed up; we didn't do anything this day. I literally got dressed just to go take this photo and walk around Magic Kingdom. M didn't want to be there and even took a nap in the car cause he was 'sleepy'. I had dinner at my fav sushi place by our apartment. Nothing really.... epic. I don't think I even got a cake for myself that year. But a friend of mine did send me chocolate covered strawberries with a note that read "M isn't allowed to have any if he didn't get you a gift this year". She knew what was up. Good looking out Steph!

But I really liked my outfit, makeup and hair this day.

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In 2015... I don't even wanna talk about what shit my birthday was.

My best birthday gift has been Sophie which my mom got me for my 30th birthday. I had planned to not do anything this year. NOT. A. DAMN. THING. I didn't want to go anywhere, see anyone or do anything. I just wanted to be left the hell alone. Considering the hell of a year M gave me last year with mental breakdowns and his creeping around and lying and hiding Kenz from me for A WHOLE YEAR and making me quit my dream job to keep his stupid secret. He blamed me for not getting full time coordinator because of my work times when the truth is his managers were already keeping a watch on him because they speculated he and Kenz were 'dating' or 'messing around'. They already made sure they weren't working together in the same place or the same time while he was relief coord and they told him if they caught him hanging out with her outside of work then they would demote him which he would GO TO THE PARKS with her so everyone saw and yet he still blamed me. Right. Okay. Yeah, didn't want to spend my day with him.

But he forced me to go out anyway and all I did was get my free drink from Starbucks. Get lunch at Noodle Co. Walked around B&N (where he bought me 3 books for the first fuckin time ever) and had dinner at Melting Pot --- well my 'usual' which was just the cheese and chocolate fondue which he willingly paid for. Only took him 11 years and served divorce papers but I guess.

This year I didn't take my annual photo and I didn't have an outfit planned or a dress. Wasn't even in the mood to celebrate it for myself.




My mom however ordered me this beautiful flower cake with a balloon attached to it for my 30th birthday.

She had to text me and tell me it was NOT edible lol. But it was SO pretty. And I kept it alive like all month.

Also, Sophie stole the box lol.

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I did get myself a small ice cream cake though and had Sophie blow out the candles with me. Looking back on this --- I didn't know why she was so obsessed with getting to the cake back then. Now, 3 years later, I realize.... she really likes frosting and vanilla ice cream lol!

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I don't even wanna talk about my 2016 birthday. Like at all.

I spent the whole night before crying. I got no sleep. No one texted me at midnight like they usually do, Nick didn't even stay up to say happy birthday. Thank goodness for concealer, foundation and filters!

His mom and his sister did make me pizza, bought me a cake and they got me gift cards for my bday (Aly got me one for Starbucks and his mom got me a Disney gift card).

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I got to go to Disney and his mom tried really hard to make my day special when she was around (which was to drive us to Disney and to pick us up). She offered to get me Starbucks that morning before we went to Disney but NICK. NICK AND HIS DOUCHBAGGERY would do nothing but fuckin fight and argue with her THE ENTIRE MORNING. I was fine waiting for her to get there, I KNEW she had to drop off Aly but when Nick was on his own set time schedule he throws a fit at anyone who's even slightly late (though he could care less about being on time for everyone else then he throws a fit because YOU'RE being RUDE when HE'S the one being INCONSIDERATE). So my day was already in bad vibes and his mom was trying so hard and I appreciated that  she at least cared.

We get to Disney and I end up having to buy his Magic Band AND his Annual Pass because he decided to blow all his money on a mini deep fryer even though I told him to hold on to it for my bday but no, he blew it 2 days before my bday as if he didn't know what day it was. So I had to buy his Annual Pass.

I also bought ALL the food. Which he argued with me because HE wanted Japan and I wanted France (we ALWAYS went to Japan cause it's the only thing his bitch ass wanna be anime ass would eat in ALL OF FUCKIN DISNEY). So he got Japan and I had to deal cause he was throwing a fuckin tantrum.

My feet started to hurt because I was in wedges and I would slow down and he'd pull my hand and drag me pretty much and tell me to quit being a baby and to quit bitching. It's like he didn't even want to be there --- he never wanted to be at Disney and he couldn't suck it up for one fuckin day. Considering I probably only went to Disney maybe 5 times the whole year I lived in fuckin Lake stupid ass Mary.

At the end of the day he argued with me about going home cause it was 'getting late' so I wasn't able to see the fireworks. Even though I begged to go see the fireworks. IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY and he started yelling at me to stop acting like a child (his reasoning for everything against everyone) and it was just fireworks. Keep in mind, whenever we did go to Disney he would somehow come up with an excuse about how we had to go RIGHT BEFORE fireworks, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

The fact he wouldn't even let me see them on my birthday after ruining my day? Was literally shit.
He didn't get me a card or a gift. He barely even greeted me happy birthday. He always shit talked M but he was literally worse than M.

~*~

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Then, of course there was last year.

Which is probably the BEST BIRTHDAY I HAD IN MY ENTIRE FUCKIN LIFE.
Not even kidding.

Bubba flew down and spent the week of my birthday with me. From the minute we got on The Magical Express bus he was up for whatever I wanted to drag him around to go see. I was SO excited he was finally there and I got to share all my favorite Disney things with him!

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One of my favorite moments of the ENTIRE week?

We were having breakfast at Ohana's and there's characters you can meet during breakfast. When Mickey Mouse came around for his meet and greet Bubba was flipping excited and I was so confused as to why.

I had forgotten.

He's never been to a Disney park.

He's never met Mickey Mouse.

I had so much fun going to meet characters with him, which is still one of my fav things to do in parks and I can't wait until we go back or go to Disneyland and try to fill up another autograph book!





He took me to Ohana for dinner on the day of my birthday and we snacked on Dole Whip while we waited (oh Ohana I miss you).

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He took me to Be Our Guest for dinner for my birthday too! After 4 years I finally got to go to Be Our Guest for dinner! I'm sad we didn't get to pick the room I wanted do sit in but 'Belle & Beast' gave me a gift of a plate of Grey Stuff. Yes, I ate that. Yes the sprinkles too lol. I'm taking him for lunch next time we go so he can experience The West Wing!

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He got me the cutest cake and it was amazing.

Seriously, this cake was so good and as small as it looks, it was actually a lot. But it was nice to snack on now and then when I took it home lol!

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My 'traditional' photos for last year lol. I really like the way the last one came out!

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And yay! He joined me for my birthday photo!

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I had so much fun with him that week! We got to do so much stuff but not everything cause it was Spring Break/Easter week and kids were out of school, so.... yeah! But we got to do most things and there's always next time!

But I'm glad I got to share some of my favorite things --- like Festival of Fantasy, Wishes (kinda), Fantasmic and some of my favorite foods! We had a loose list of things to do since it was his first time there but next time we'll be a little bit better on time and pick a time frame when it's not peak season.

~*~

This year Bubba's working on my birthday --- but also he has to go to a funeral. I'm not upset or sad about it; as you can see my previous birthday's before last year were just ruined days and let downs.
He doesn't like the idea of me paying for anything for my birthday which I'm like use to doing anyway but I won't push it. If he wants to treat me out for my birthday I can wait until next weekend. The fact is that he's already given me so many birthday gifts and it's not even my birthday yet.
Yesterday he got me a card and I literally cried.

He coulda given me JUST a card and it woulda been more than anyone else has given me. Please don't worry love, it's just a day to me. I know you'll celebrate it with me when you can ♥.

Next year I'm definitely planning on going to Disney or Vegas for my birthday, just because I miss both places and it's been years since I've been back to Vegas.

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