Thursday, November 2, 2017

Hello November


It's really no secret that I SUCK AT GOALS this year. 

BUT that won't stop me from making them! Cause at SOME POINT on this journey I'll get my driven, busy, GET EVERYTHING DONE --- TODAY attitude back. And until then, the most I can do is give myself something to encourage myself to get up and make a difference.

Healing is hard y'all.


Clean out fridge
  Sort kitchen
 Put up Fall stuff
 Organize closet
 Organize bedroom (more)
 Properly re-set up zen corner
 Mop living room
 Exchange unwanted B&BW Fall scents/products
 Do returns/exchanges for Kohls, Macys, etc...
 Work on buying Christmas gifts
 BAKE SOMETHING
 Finish October TBR (FINISH WINTER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD)
 Prep Christmas/Dec posts/videos
 Work on NaNoWriMo
 Try 3 new places

I'm not going to overachieve and try to do things I know probably won't happen but instead do things that SHOULD be happening REGARDLESS that I know my OCD will find reasons to NOT do. 

I can't believe how fast Sept and Oct flew by and that I technically have to put up my Halloween/Fall stuff now! 

I wish I could blog more about my feelings or my day. I don't know what stops me all the time... it use to be my jam! And it's not like this blog has any particular purpose besides me recording my life. I noticed I stopped blogging on hazearella because I guess I've outgrown the blogger layout. I wish it was on Wordpress but I don't want to go through the headache of switching everything over --- especially the domain. I'm thinking of starting over with a new name, I'm just not sure what! The pressures of Instagram can be very influencing though, I'll admit that. And the fear of starting over completely is scary AND THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE A SUCCESSFUL BLOG OR CHANNEL CAUSE I KEEP STARTING OVER! Even though I don't have THAT many followers on that blog itself. SIGH. I don't know.

Maybe I'll just move everything to Wordpress, keep the name and suck it up. And if I do end up starting over completely it probably won't be until January.

But here's to hopefully a month of catching up, finishing up and getting ready for Christmas and a brand new year.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Reading | 2017 Halloween Challenge



Over the last few years I've set a reading challenge for myself in October --- sometimes this extends to September or December but it's always always been in October. I dedicate this month to read all the "scarier" books I pushed off the rest of the year. And normally I would look forward to this challenge but this year I live alone so reading scary books is a bit of MORE than JUST a challenge for me, especially with my anxiety acting up and making me see things that aren't there (which it tends to do when I get really stressed out --- I just cant figure out the trigger for it this time and it's driving me nuts).

If you'd like to see the covers to the books I'm mentioning you can check out my Amazon list of it [ H E R E ] as I'm too lazy to figure out a format for these book covers in this entry though I would love to do it, if I could figure it out. Perhaps I'll edit this entry later and play around with that. Or not. Who knows. But for now you get just a basic list.

Any titles I come across to add to the list that isn't on this list can be found on the Amazon list. In addition I have 2 1/2 re-reads I try to do every year of my 2 favorite passed challenge reads!
Again, to see the covers click ⇢ H E R E.
⇢ The Girl at Midnight by Melissa Grey
⇢ And I Darken by Kiersten White
⇢ Roar by Cora Carmack
⇢ The Bone Witch by Rin Chupeco
⇢ The Shadow Society by Marie Rutkoski
⇢ Roseblood by A.G. Howard
⇢ Sweet Evil by Wendy Higgans
⇢ Frostblood by Elly Blake
⇢ Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
⇢ Haunted by Alexandra Adornetto
⇢ The Beast Is an Animal by Peternelle van Arsdale
⇢ Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo
⇢ Wicked Like a Wildfire by Lana Popovic
⇢ The Crowns of Croswald by D.E. Night
RE - READS
⇢ Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins
⇢ Unspoken by Sarah Rees Brennan
⇢ Twilight by Stephanie Meyer (MAYBE)

Monday, September 4, 2017

Hello September \o/

IMG_0164

This entry is a few days later than I had planned for it to be up, and even now I haven't really spent much time thinking about what I'm actually trying to say lol so we're gonna wing it!

My anxiety has been on and off kicking my ass lately, some days it's not as bad as others and other days I just don't want to do anything but curl into a ball. I want to attempt to challenge myself this month. I read that the only way to ease anxiety such as OCD is to practice something I absolutely hate and scares the crap outta me --- exposure therapy. Though not at very high extreme's.

At the moment my apartment is damn near done with everything being unpacked, I just have to wash a few more blankets and find a home for certain things, then my whole living room needs to me mopped so I can stop wearing shoes inside my apartment and walk around in slippers like I've always wanted to. I personally hate wearing my shoes in my apartment but I didn't figure that there was a reason to go through a shit ton of cleaning if moving in, building stuff and all that wasn't even done yet. But now that all of that is, I don't have an excuse as to why I haven't mopped besides that I have 3 boxes left to be sorted though.

So one of my goals this month is to finish unpacking those 3 boxes and mop my floor.

October is very very close from now and I normally make an October/Halloween reading challenge list. I somewhat failed that last year so I'm hoping to do better this year. Along with that I want to be better at bookstagramming and being more active on my bookish social media accounts because I do really miss that world.

I have a few creative goals I'm hoping to start this Fall as well; all in all I have high hopes that my restart will begin. Now.
  • Tidy and mop the apartment
  • Read 4 books in preparation for October
  • Pactice bookstagramming and flat lays
  • Research social media tips
  • Practice mindfulness
  • Organize emails
  • Play with makeup more
  • Get 2 of Axelyn's main classes to 50
  • Make 1 candle
  • Learn to duel (as Bubba's request)
There are other things like find a job in my field which is going to take some time. But I would like to get a jump start on everything I moved here to do and accomplish.
My anxiety has a tendency to make me not want to move or make me afraid of certain things and I'm tired of being afraid. I try to push myself out of those moments as much as I can but sometimes I just feel like I can't. When in reality I need to push harder. I need to stop thinking things are so hard cause yeah maybe they are. Maybe they're beyond my current strength. But how can I get stronger or be better if I don't try?
I need to learn how to have more faith in myself. To trust myself more. I use to think I was this amazing person who could accomplish everything and then anxiety came around and I lost that mindset. I need to find it, work on it and bring it back. Because if you're not hyped about your own projects and idea's how can you expect anyone else to be?
Here's to a productive month full of adventures, new favorites and starting new goals.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Life | The Moving Chronicles; From Florida to Texas II

So in my last update I still fairly new to doing research and picking a moving company.

Well, I'm happy to report I picked one! I sent out emails mid last week to the companies I decided not to go with and most were understanding through one in particular did not like the fact that I did no decide to go with them. I found this reaction to be very surprising as well as unprofessional! They took the contents of my original email and somehow turned it as me personally attacking them. I'm like, I don't have time for this. How crazy.

Now I just have to send in my deposit; probably edit my inventory list with them and see about the furniture that I'm setting to get rid of. I have a friend who offered to take whatever I don't want but I'm a little worried as I live on the 3rd floor and I'm not sure if you can fit a couch and several other pieces in a car. 

I've decided to get rid of most if not all of the things I either bought or acquired in my last relationship because I just don't want any of that energy from that part of my life around anymore. It was a really hard situation and I just feel like by moving to another state I have the chance to start over and put all of it behind me, if that makes sense. Plus, all of this stuff is stuff I don't use and will likely not use once I move.

I've started the process of sorting through things in my kitchen drawers and cabinets as well as the fridge and freezer, only keeping things that realistically should be there. I haven't attempted to attack the pantry just yet but I will SOON! It feels so nice to have a tidy (and damn near empty) fridge and freezer! As well as cleared off kitchen counters! I don't know what it is about it, but it's like ah. I've started to take things down as well and I'll be packing up the bookshelf out in the living room first, then sorting through the papers in the desk I'll be giving away next. 

My room is going to be the most stressful of the places to pack and I know I should probably sort through things. 


Especially this mess of things! 

This is where all my makeup that doesn't have a "home" goes. I honestly don't remember what's all in here. But it definitely needs sorting and real homes lol. 

I need to call utility places today to cancel my internet and electric for my day of move before they try renewing my contract. And also find out what electric and internet companies are in Texas and how much it'll cost to turn it all on. 

So I just went and made half of those calls just now.

One of the problems now being that my ex didn't pay off the AT&T bill like he was suppose to for the last month we had their service and so I'm pretty sure unless I pay that insane amount I won't be able to turn my internet on at my new place since they use AT&T, awesome.

This is why you shouldn't have no one move in unless they're on the lease and WILL pay you half for EVERYTHING. Ugh, I'm so annoyed. I'll figure something out, somehow.

Other than trying to decide on an electric company and the internet situation as well as paying the deposit on the moving truck; mostly sorting, cleaning up/out and the beginning stages of packing are my main concern for this week and next week.

I don't see why packing is so hard to START (I mean, my anxiety and OCD kind of stop me a bit from it all as well) because as soon as I start I don't stop until at least half if not more than half of it is done. It just takes a lot of time. And I don't want to do what my ex did last time and just throw anything and everything into whatever box cause that was hell and is still hell since I can't find a bunch of important things. I normally separate things by room/section by box. I don't do none of that random throw things in a box mess cause unpacking is just as stressful as packing! And it can sometimes be even MORE overwhelming than actually packing and moving. I'm trying to make it easy on myself and getting rid of things I absolutely don't need or won't use when I get there so I don't have to deal with finding that stuff a place to go even if it's "temporary". I might as well just get it all out and over with before I even get there.

I also need to back up my files like crazy, that part I tend to forget sometimes.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Life | The Moving Chronicles; From Florida to Texas

I know I've moved from CA to FL twice and from FL to CA once. But that was before; before I had furniture and a cat. Despite how much I have accomplished and achieved and gotten done on my own for some reason when it comes to this move I feel... lost.
I wanted to start a bit of a series to document my move and I'll try my hardest to be honest and real and raw and update as frequently as I can. More for my sake than anyone else's, just so I can look back on this later.

Honestly I started blogging in 1999 because my mom kept reading my journals and I wrote because I've always had this fear of forgetting things and so I'd keep a record of my day no matter how exciting or mundane it was and in 2008 I started blogging about makeup to keep track of things I already had to avoid double purchasing. Somehow I lost track of that. So with this, I'm trying to recapture this. 

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Moving from a different state to another state is kinda... stressful. 

Besides having to pack everything, pull everything apart and things like that there's also payments to wrap up as well as payments to start, plane tickets to get to the new state, moving companies, cleaning services and lots of other things like that. In all honesty, I SHOULD be packing my stuff in boxes like RIGHT NOW but my anxiety stops me from a lot of things. So battling with that is a whole 'nother post on its own. 

I've looked into other moving companies, the problem with that is that it looks like all the moving companies are trying to 1up each other or talk bad about each other or "WATCH OUT FOR THIS" so it's really confusing and really hard to know who's telling the truth about what and I know it could be as simple as just Googling these companies but so many call and email on a DAILY BASIS that it's like in the middle of everything else.... argh. You know? 

The first moving company I contacted, which is a company I see around Central Florida a lot when people move quoted me $4200 for just my bedroom which includes like 8 pieces of IKEA furniture. That is INSANE. The other option they gave me was for $1500 but it would take my stuff 1-2 weeks to get there. I was pretty disappointed with this.

My boyfriend helped out a bit by finding me companies that would be much more affordable; the other place that contacted me would charge $1400 and my stuff would get there within 3 days. There's still a lot of other companies to look into however.

Right now (hopefully for the rest of this week) my main concern is sorting through all the makeup and little things I don't need or use anymore. Then moving on to the clothing I don't need or use anymore then I can start packing. So the faster I can sort through things the faster I can start packing!

So yes that is definitely going to be this week's goal!

Monday, May 1, 2017

Life | Hello May

[ credit: Google Images ]

Okay... I kinda failed in terms of updating through April like I had planned to. But it's okay, it happens. Life happens. I managed to do more in my life in April that I had been holding back on so I mean, every little accomplishment counts even if that means something else falls behind, right? We'll work on getting things balanced in time. 

But just because everything you have planned in that month doesn't go as planned doesn't make it a hard fail either.

The next few months I'll have to try and find a way to balance most things together. I may have to go back to setting certain days for certain things --- which can be a challenge when you have a roommate who hogs the washer and dryer for FOUR FUCKIN DAYS (and also claims things but doesn't come through but we're not talking about that). But whatever, I'll figure it out.

Moving month is coming up and it's coming up FAST so NOW would be a good time to get my ass in gear considering there's A LOT to be done!


  • Go to UHAUL and get boxes and a mattress sleeve (for the move)
    UHAUL has the most useful boxes when it comes to moving and they're not super expensive either. Also the mattress sleeve is a god send for someone with OCD like me. I also need to find a screwdriver to take apart the bed. I'll probably end up taking it apart a day or two early so the moving company can take it and just sleep on a pile of blankets.
  • PACK
  • PACK SOME MORE
  • DO MORE PACKING
    Cause you know me, I need way more than just 3 reminders. Anxiety hinders this a lot. It's hard for me to pack when I have OCD about everything; it's hard to explain but it requires me to wash my hands --- a lot. So yeah. But with as many days as I have, if I start now, I should be fine. If I just get it done.
  • Set up move with a moving company
    I'm already in the process of getting estimates from different moving companies. I literally don't know wtf I'm doing, at all. I'm just Googling as I go.
  • Start cleaning apartment
    THIS is going to be the toughest part for me. Especially if I get started on this before my roommate leaves --- which she better clean her room and bathroom on her way out cause if I lose my deposit again I SWEAR TO GOD. But this is one I usually don't have much of a problem with, especially if everything is already out. I'll do as much cleaning as I can, then that day that the moving company takes everything I'll finish up the rest of the cleaning. I just gotta figure out how I'm gonna do most of this... I may just take everything out of my room beforehand and vacuum the room then they can take the stuff + the vacuum and I won't have to worry about cleaning my room cause it'll already be clean! Yes! Good plan!
  • Take Sophie to the vet
    This is already in the process of happening, though I can't find her records that I got when I adopted her.. I need to look for those soon somehow. Or give the place I took her to last year a call.
  • Buy plane ticket
    This I would like to get done as soon as I can, though I know I can't book it until I'm confirmed of a few dates beforehand.
  • Blog once a week
    I won't pressure myself too much on this one. 
  • Post a video once a week
    In April I managed to post more videos than usual, I'm going to see about keeping that up since I'm in the process of reorganizing my YouTube channel (which is HERE in case you were wondering).
  • Get classes to 60 on FFXIV
    Stormblood is coming up fairly soon and somehow the months crept up on me. I'm in the process of getting 2 more crafting classes, 2 more gathering classes and 3 more job classes to 60. I NEED TO GET TO WORK!
  • Try not to hate your roommate
    Smh. I'm normally a nice person, as long as you don't make the same repeat mistakes every single week.
  • Reaccess food blog
    I don't know why this didn't happen last month...
  • Go to Flower & Garden Festival one more time
    I need to find out when this exactly ends so I can go one more time before it's all over. Esp considering I'm moving out of state soon so next year it won't be as easy to get to T____T.
  • Ship mom's Mother's Day gift
    THIS. IS. SO. IMPORTANT.
  • Read
    It doesn't matter how many books, JUST. READ.

I know that's A LOT of stuff to cover in one month but I'm hoping my will to be accomplished and productive will kick in super fast and I'll get everything I need to get done --- done! Still I may be too ambitious but hey, whatever! Let's see how many things we can get done this month!

Here's to May... and getting ready to move to a new place with new adventures!

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Life | Monthly Recap; March 2017

Looking back on my goals for March, I can say I didn't really complete most of them. The month seemed to had just zipped passed me. I wonder if this is just a thing that happens when you older or nah.

G O A L S   R E C A P

--- I did find an apartment luckily on the first day I started looking!
--- I didn't post more videos, I only posted one video in March and it was a video I filmed in January so yeah, though I did post something it wasn't exactly what the goal was.
--- I managed to drink a little more water but that habit ended up falling away, like it normally does. I really need to make this a priority.
--- I managed to post on Instagram a number of times a day but I ended up taking random 3-4 day breaks too, I just needed to step away from the obsession of it also.
--- I didn't meditate.
--- I didn't read. Like, at all.
--- I didn't cancel enough subscription boxes.
--- I paid more attention to Penny \o/
--- I tried to blog more.
--- I still don't know how to incorporate more me in my social media.
--- I should had defined "prep for Easter" a little more...

The big thing was finding an apartment --- which I did. So thank freakin goodness for that! Like I mentioned in my Hello April post, this is the time of year where it goes by quickly and before I know it I'll be sitting in front of moving day so let's hope that I get most of what I set to accomplish this month done. Though I'll admit; a lot of the times I'm unable to complete certain tasks because of my OCD/anxiety so that really makes things difficult. I'm planning on making a few changes through this month that inner me isn't going to like but outer me knows needs to be done. Maybe I'll make a different blog post for that later.



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