Life | Happy 2 years~!

Two years ago I married my best friend in a different world.

I can't believe it's been two whole years since then! Time truly does fly when you're having fun, I guess. Because it definitely doesn't feel like two years. It feels like we just got married. But thinking of the span of time from this day to today and everything that has happened between is crazy.

I'm thankful for this moment. For this day. For the friends that were once family and though they're not anymore I still keep these memories close to me. I'm thankful for the man by my side who did everything in his power to be there for me --- a random girl he met on a video game states away and how he never left my side.

I definitely didn't know what I was getting into when I decided to say yes to Sir Penny'puss.

Life | An Update; moving + mental health + FFXIV

Hai guys.

I feel like I haven't been here in forever. I honestly think the idea of being the "ideal blogger" with the "perfect photos/flat lays" has seriously gotten to me and it's taking a serious toll on my blog and Instagram accounts.

I try to post photos and updates more freely on Twitter, as much as I can/remember to.

A lot has happened since the last time I was here so I'll try and do a quick recap;

Life | Mental Health & Music

When I wrote yesterday's entry I wasn't aware that it was Mental Health Awareness Week. I feel like MHAW/MHAM come and go so often that it's hard to keep track of these things. Not to mention in my world, Mental Health Awareness is pretty much an every day thing.

I feel like my life has all kinds of divides and chapters when I look back on it; from the time I was 13 until my anxiety full force kicked in at 20 I struggled HEAVILY with depression and suicide. I was constantly listening to music. CONSTANTLY. There was rarely ever a time I wasn't playing music. Everything from DDR songs to 80's Light Rock to Hip Hop to R&B to Slow Jams to Techno to Alternative. 

Moving State to State | Review; Coast to Coast Moving & Unique Vanlines

I never really went back and talked about my experience with moving from state to state and with using a moving company.

I was just... really really upset with the outcome and the experience that beyond writing a review on Yelp, I didn't really want to talk about it.

But since it's coming around to that time of the year where I'm getting ready to move again, I figured I'd go back and talk about this.

Moving state to state is hard. Especially when you literally don't know what you're doing. Bubba helped me find a moving company and I had done some searches on Google and on Yelp; but PICKING one is the hardest part. These days it seems like reviews can be more hurtful than helpful and filtering out the reviews that are straight up complaints is hard.

I had a few leads and it came down to two.

When I was contacted by Coast to Coast Moving I was contacted by "Taylor" he break down the cost details and he broke down what the process was like he also stated that they were listed on a website called "Andrea's Choice" which was suppose to make them more "reputable" I guess. After going over inventory for days and finalizing it he quoted me with $1700. Assured me there was going to be no hidden extra charges and $1700 was all I had to come up with.

Here's the part that threw me off; I would call and ask a million questions just to make sure I understood everything COMPLETELY. Had him send emails with proof of the conversation. There was a time I had a question the Sunday before my move and so I called as he stated his phone was always open for questions and he threw out "as you can see it's my day off and I'm still answering my phone for questions." as if it was something he should be applauded for. He seemed like an okay guy who knew his stuff... until I handed over the deposit and it seemed almost instantly like his entire vibe and attitude had changed.

I didn't get into contact with him after that, I was passed on to someone else who would be handling my move. Someone else who even with the finalized inventory sheet "in front of them" had an incomplete list. So once again, I had to spend time fixing this damn list. He tried charging me extra and when I had protested that Taylor promised it would only be $1700 he "went to talk to his manager" and they "managed to cut me some deals" in order to keep my $1700 quote. On top of this, I had to exclude even MORE stuff.

When the pick up people got here, they were really not friendly at all. They moved stuff and worked very quickly. Didn't ask questions or say anything at all really. By the time they left I had to leave behind pretty much all of my living room furniture. The only things I brought with me were: my bed, my computer chair, one bookcase, my nightstand and my floor lamp. And since they "had to" pack my smaller boxes into a bigger box they charged me an extra $200 for it. Which was ridiculous as I didn't ask them to nor did they ask if it was okay. Boxes marked with "fragile" were completely ignored. Thank goodness I packed everything valuable with blankets. Not to mention that I noticed the paperwork said Unique Vanlines.

After all that time of Taylor bad mouthing brokers look who they are. SURPRISE, I guess.

Instead of the 10 days they said it would take for them to get my things to me, it took them 2 weeks. When it got passed the 10 days, when I'd call I would either get no answer or "they were unable to get into contact with anyone."

When they finally did come to drop my things back off the driver (I suppose) doing the paperwork had me lead him to my apartment to finish filling out the rest of the paperwork.

He very calmly, as if it were normal, told me he would have to charge me ANOTHER additional $150 because the location was over 75 feet away from the truck. I live in apartment complex. With an elevator. THE FUCK YOU MEAN OVER 75 FT FROM THE FUCKIN TRUCK.

I told him I didn't have that; he stated "I can continue to move your stuff into your apartment while you run to the bank if you have to."

1) No bitch, I mean I don't have that PERIOD because your bitch ass people quoted me $1700 which they PROMISED was all I had to pay. 2) THE FUCK YOU MEAN, I'm not leaving strangers in my apartment who already seem sketchy as fuck.

Frustrated and pretty much crying from how stressful this all is suddenly I went downstairs to the property manager and told her what was happening and if I could borrow a storage unit to try and eliminate some of the "steps". She was PISSED. And she went out there and yelled at the guy the whole elevator ride up to the storage unit to which he pretty much called us "stupid girls" and said it was "my fault" for "not reading the agreement" when I READ THE SHIT over and over again. I CALLED and verified HOW MUCH MONEY I NEEDED. I was SO ANGRY. DO NOT make me out to be some irresponsible chick just because you want to scam somebody then get mad when you're called out. He had the audacity to spew out more negativity before yelling down the hall way "fine, whatever, I'll work for free." Take that up with your sender, not me bud.

He ended up taking my stuff to my apartment "for free" by THROWING my boxes into the elevator. Didn't give a damn if they were marked fragile. As you can see the condition of my boxes in the photo above. Not just that, but had the nerve to ask if a piece they brought up was mine. ISNT THAT WHAT THE INVENTORY SHEET IS FOR?! They offered to put my bed together to which I declined and waited for them to leave. I handed them the money orders and slammed the door.

Then I curled up and cried and was so damn over the day that it wasn't even funny anymore.

Bubba came after work to help me unpack. He brought me food. And once most of the boxes were unpacked he shoo'd me off to take a hot bath while he and Sophie went to put the bed together.

It wasn't after all the boxes were put up that I realized I was missing a box full of makeup AND my floor lamp. I called to claim it and they told me to send an email. TO A GMAIL ACCOUNT. Once they "investigated" to which they said that they checked with all the others who shared the truck space and couldn't find my box OR floor lamp (THE WHOLE THING) they directed me to make a claim and when I did citing the cost lost they said they could only go off of weight to which the would only be able to reimburst me $150 because I didn't have insurance WHICH I SWEAR I FUCKIN DID.

There are just so many damn loopholes and so much scamming that is being done with this company and if other companies ARENT like this I feel bad for them. Other companies make people like me hesitant to ever want to hire any moving company ever again.

This entire experience was seriously ridiculous. I honestly wish I had gone with someone else, and even with research done it sucks that you can never be too sure if the reviews posted are legit or fake. After I had posted my review on Yelp, more negative reviews started coming on and with stories FAR WORSE than mine. It's insane that this company is still in business!

Review | LUSH Sleepy Body Lotion

I have a hard time sleeping. I always have, since around 2004. I literally can not fall asleep on my own, ever. And since 2004 I've been taking various types of sleeping aids. I've never gone to get this checked of figured out why, it never occurred to me this was a legit problem until recently if I'm being honest. 

But for the last year or two I've been looking into other, more natural ways to fall asleep. I also struggle with anxiety, especially at night and I'm not 100% sure if the two are related but I discovered my love for the scent lavender and my love for oils some time last year. Both have helped me in relaxing and depending on the day sometimes they can even make me drowsy, but not all the time.

The beauty community had been raving about LUSH's newest body lotion called "Sleepy". The description reads:

Slather on this gorgeous pale purple lotion, breathe in its sweet, comforting lavender and tonka perfume and you'll instantly feel at ease. Glycerin, cocoa butter and almond oil work together to moisturize skin and lock in hydration to keep skin soft, supple and comfortable all day or all night long. Say hello to your new nightly ritual! Zzz..

Years ago when I was still living in California and my eczema had gotten bad enough that it started cracking the skin on my hand in multiple various painful places I used a similar LUSH body lotion: Dream Cream.

It's been a few years since then so I didn't really remember what I liked and didn't like about that product --- or about LUSH body lotions in general.

I held off on editing this photo so you could see it.

Sleepy is this really pretty pale lavender shade and it's sprinkled with a little bit of what looks like fine glitter on top. I can't tell if it's REALLY glitter, but it's shimmery so we'll go with glitter.

I think this is the large size (I don't remember, my boyfriend grabbed this for me tbh after I told him about it) and as you can see the tub size this is enough to last you a GOOD while, even if you use it daily. And all over your body.

I love the pretty shimmery shade of this product and I love how it smells. It's definitely a really comforting lavender scent that can put you to sleep, it's THAT comforting. I do like how it keeps my skin hydrated and moisturized even after I wash my hands. 

What I don't like is that after the product settles into the skin the after feeling can feel a bit powdery and not in a good baby powder kind of way but in a way that it feels like it's coating your hands/body and it can be a little irritating if that's a feeling you don't really like.

I suddenly remembered having this problem with Dream Cream as well --- as much as I love the scent and product I really do not like that after feeling! I try to just deal with it most of the time for the sake of my skin being moisturized and scented beautifully with lavender but other days I just can not be bothered to deal. I wish there was a way to eliminate that after feeling!

This product can be a bit pricey;

A small 3.1 oz runs for $10

A large 7.4 oz runs for $20

And they all come in this tub format which I also am not the biggest fan of simply because it can be a bit of a hassle to unscrew it just to get to the product then with your hands oiled up and greasy from the lotion it's such a bitch to screw it back shut and make sure it's shut tightly! I tend to take a scoop and place it on my arm then screw it shut with my hands still dry THEN apply the lotion but even that seems like a bit of a hassle to go through. Not to mention with my OCD it gets tricky to convince myself that it's fine, it's clean before putting it on.

I would had much preferred if there was a pump option.

Have you tried Sleepy? What did you think? 

If you've tried other lavender scented lotions are there any you recommend?

May The Fourth Be With You!

I'll admit, I wasn't a big fan of Star Wars growing up.

I remember seeing Episode One in theaters back in the 90's because my best friend at the time and her family were all nerds. I didn't understand what was going on or who was who... I was only like 9 or something at the time. But I remember the pod races and that I really liked Jar Jar Binks.

When I started working at Disney in 2011 I had not seen a single Star Wars movie (I barely remembered Episode One at this point) so when the Star Wars Vinylmation collection came out I was a little confused as to why everyone was chasing after it (I worked at D-Street at the time which was the Vinylmation hub) and who the heck was Obi Wan and why was the chaser a ghost of him?!

I obviously knew the main gist of things like who Darth Vader was and who Yoda was and all of this but I didn't know very much else.

A friend of mine ended up buying a case of the Vinylmations chasing after Ghost Obi and he was trading the rest so he gave me a Stormtrooper.

And that.

Began my obsession with Star Wars.

Life | My Past Birthday's... II

I somehow forgot to write this little section in the previous entry. I guess I thought the photo had copied to my desktop when it didn't and I didn't realize it until I went to bed last night that I didn't talk about this!

This birthday was probably the most memorable, and definitely not in a good way.

My ex husband was pretty... selfish. Bubba had asked me months ago if he was ever controlling and in a sense I never thought of M as 'controlling', I guess because he never acted out, if you will. Like he never made public scenes or he never flat out showed your typical version of jealousy. But if I think about all the things he expected of me or all the things he pushed then in a really subtle yet un-subtle way he was controlling. He wouldn't throw a fit or make a scene but he was a pro (A FUCKIN PRO I TELL YOU) at ignoring someone for as long as a week and a half. And I mean IGNORE, like not talking, not responding. But if we're talking ignore then he went years doing that shit.

But he was selfish in a sense since I can't really think of another word to call it --- let's put it this way --- if he had friends (and 99% of his friends were girls which was fine cause 100% of my friends are usually guys though I DO NOT hug coworkers AT WORK. Hell I don't hug them AT ALL unless I'm REALLY close to them and that takes a lot of time. I'm not a hugger if I don't fuckin know you and I'm definitely NOT a hugger if I suspect you have a crush on me. In fact I'd be less than a friend if I suspected you had a crush on me and I definitely would not be hanging out with you, ever) which were mostly girls he would completely ignore me. If they asked him to hang out he would be prompt and he would stay out as late as 2am. He wouldn't tell me WHERE he was going or WHO these girls were and he wouldn't update me from time to time. If he went to hang out with friends or coworkers I wouldn't get a single text or call the entire time he was out. If I texted asking him something while he was out he would get pissed and wouldn't respond.

This particular year we had to take the same work bus to work (the E bus for those of you who do/did the DCP and worked on the Hollywood Studios route whoot whoot); we barely ever started work at the same time or ended at the same time to ever really have to be on the same bus. But the very few times we did he wouldn't even acknowledge I was on the bus, especially if his coworkers were there.

Once we were standing at the bus stop, I had my headphones on cause we were waiting and he was standing next to me, a coworker comes and says hi. Looks at me then walks off. He turns to me mad saying, "why do you always have to repel my friends." uh bitch what? I'm sitting here, listening to music, on my phone, minding my own business. Don't no one care about you and your janky friends. She need to brush her hair.

This was the birthday year I'm talking about.

The one I had mentioned where his friend's birthday was the day before mine and they went to lunch and I was waiting for him at my spa appointment. His friend had asked about me and he didn't like it. So he resolved to not have me meet anyone he worked with. So this year, though I saw some of his coworkers from time to time on the bus with him, I wasn't allowed to meet them or say hi. So most of the time when I'd run into him say on the bus on the way home, I'd sit away from him and with my coworkers instead and ignore the fact he's actually on the bus since he did such a great job of ignoring me even as I walked on.

Great marriage, right?

So he was never into social media, he always said it was "stupid" and "gay" but during my birthday week that year he got back on Instagram and Facebook, added all his chick friends and would frequently be in a group chat with them on Facebook or on Instagram and leaving each other comment threads. I noticed he got back on social media but he still hadn't liked or commented on any of my posts anywhere. But I knew he was texting people on these apps.

He said he had gotten on for my birthday as if THAT was his bday gift to me. Just like how he frequently used, "I was nice to you all day." as if it's something that he should be praised for. It didn't occur to me at the time that Chanel's birthday was literally the day before mine and that he added all his coworkers and was constantly texting them. Yet he spun it around saying he got back on for me though he left no trace of any activity on any of my posts.

I do a lot of random things.

At EPCOT you can color in a Perry or a Duffy at any of the countries. There's a table for kids to color at and you take it to every station in every country and they stamp it for you.

I was pretty proud of this guy cause I thought the body color was pretty accurate and at the time I was kind of obsessed with Perry (not so much Secret Agent P) even though I didn't watch the show. But I always thought it was funny how as Perry he's kinda cross/bulge eyed but as Secret Agent P he looks all professional lol! And no, sadly you can't meet Perry in the parks!

So I decided to color a Perry and take him around the world for my birthday. M colored some of him but I colored most of him and it was me who took him around and I'd chit chat with the people in the diff countries. The guy in France noticed I had a Vinylmation pin and we talked Vinylmations for awhile.

There was another photo of just Secret Agent P by himself without me in it and I noticed M had posted it on his Instagram with the caption, "I scraped those little whack ass kids."

I noticed that there was no mention of me or my birthday at all on that post. When his friends left comments he took ALL the credit and he made it sound as if he was so hardcore that he "scraped" some KIDS in coloring a fuckin character. It's not a content or a game. It's something fuckin fun for kids to do. If you need to boost yourself up by down talking KIDS who are on VACATION you've got some fuckin problems. Foreal.

I had brought it up as we were going to Magic Kingdom to watch Wishes and it started this big argument where the above was said. I don't remember the entire fight. I do remember sobbing my fuckin heart out at the Magic Kingdom gates not even wanting to go see Wishes. Not even wanting to celebrate my birthday anymore.

I was just so sad and so hurt.

And I was so tired of being hidden. And sadly this was the start of the next 2 years of being hidden and BANNED from his work location. Oh yes, it got worse.

I was so tired of him saying anything having to do with marriage was gay. When that shit didn't even make fuckin sense. He never told people he was married. They would have to figure it out themselves. If I did go visit him at work and someone asked who I was he'd say "oh that's Hazel." it got so bad that some of his coworkers speculated he wasn't even married and was lying about it since no one EVER saw me. There was one coworker who he got into an altercation with at work who ran into us doing laundry once and was like "oh, you really are married I guess." and he got pissed he said that. As if it wasn't obviously his own fault. Or as if he was mad he was married in general.

As much as I loved that Perry in the end I ended up throwing him away. Every time I saw him I'd just get sad and remember that day.

At the end of the day M blamed everything on me and "acting crazy" so he deleted the photo off his Instagram and deleted the app off his phone along with the FB app. And in the end he ended up joining SnapChat with all of them and refused to add me to his friends list.

I try to cling on to the good memories of this birthday --- my facial. Finally meeting Remy at Chefs de France and getting to eat in France. My day 2 outfit with the top hat. How good this outfit came out and how I didn't feel insecure in it at all (it was the first time wearing a dress in forever). Getting to eat Ohana's.

And I think that was it.

But this is definitely one birthday memory I wish I could erase.