It's November.

November.

Meaning the year is pretty much over. That is insane. I hate how the holidays are so close together, like there's all this time to prep for Halloween but then it comes to Thanksgiving then Christmas. So when exactly is the window of time to prep for Christmas?! 

I normally start Nov 1st, but with the girls more aware of time, we don't want to confuse them. We have made some moves towards prepping for Christmas but we also still have a long way to go. Hell this post is way later than it usually is. 

I would say that I'm not going to pack my November with an insane amount of goals, but it's November, let's be real. My November's are usually crazy.

 Plus, it's Wicked movie month and this family has already gotten their Wicked wardrobe's together thanks to Bubba. Literally so excited.

| Christmas prep

Obviously. This includes the girl's room and all the TV stands. I really want to get Nutcrackers at the door, but with these kids? Not possible. Sadly. I do plan on having fairy lights literally all over the place. The ones with timers cause fuck electric bills in Texas with its clueless weather. Plus with daylight saving being what it is, and how it takes me forever to adjust to it, I figure this would be a fun way to do that.

Bubba lined the under part of the counter with an LED strip that we keep on at night, it's super pretty.

| Find something to bake

I really want to attempt macarons but that's going to take some time. And maybe a day to myself. I also want to find something to bake with Tums, she's been asking to bake something with me. She's been in such a helpful mood lately, I have no idea how I got so lucky with her. But I'm glad I did. She's an awesome big sister and she definitely makes everything much easier.

The least I can do is find something fun for us to bake on the weekends.

| Find Thanksgiving outfits

I usually just stay home on Thanksgiving and let the girls and Bubba go to his family's. But this year I've been trying to make it a point to be around more. I appreciate everything his family has done for me the last year and all they ever ask is that I share my time with them, esp on the holidays.

Bubba is usually in charge of finding the girls their Thanksgiving outfits. But since we're skipping Disney World this year (me and Tums are very sad about this) I figure it gives more room to spend that money elsewhere, especially for the holidays. 

As for me, I think I already have my outfit.

| Work on Christmas stickers

To be honest, Christmas doesn't really make my list of favorite holidays. So when it comes to designing things for the shop, I typically skip the holiday themed stuff. If anything, I only have Filipino holiday themed products. Only because it helps me feel a little closer to home, I guess. I do need to do a better job of exposing the girls to Filipino holiday traditions, just not sure where to start.

I do plan on working on some Final Fantasy holiday stickers... mostly because I want Final Fantasy holiday stickers for myself lol.

| Work on shop 2

 Shop 2 and I have a very complicated relationship right now. It is doing a great job of highlighting the things I still have yet to learn about everything. And while that is helpful, it's also very... frustrating. As is everything you're learning for the first time. I enjoy learning new things and I actually enjoy the frustration that comes with it.

So far I'm having a lot of fun with putting together Shop 2, it's just when I run out of idea's that I start to feel like an ant who's lost its colony and has no idea where to even go.

| Launch shop 3

Shop 3 is almost ready for launch. Actually, no, no it's not. But I really do want to launch it this month.

| Reorganize closet

This one is gonna take awhile. There's a lot to go through. And while my closet now has more open space, I don't feel it has... space. If that makes sense. I'm trying to find ways to make my stuff easier to find while still looking nice. The bigger problem is that I don't have anywhere to display my Loungefly bags the way this closet is set up. I'll figure out a way, somehow.

| Launch social's for new blog.. launch new blog

Due to some fucked drama that happened earlier this year, I've been finding less and less interest in Facebook and Instagram. I lost interest in IG a few years ago, but this event just made it so much worse. I actually lost access to the hazearella IG account, like, foreal. So there goes 14 years of work and building relationships and networks and... sigh. I take it as a sign that I needed to start over anyway, move on to something else.

I launched social media accounts for this blog elsewhere. On other platforms that encourage more engagement without being filtered.

The recent drama also forced me to start new blogs; I still hold on to this one because there's a lot here to look back on. But I've also launched a new review blog that I want to build, the 2024 way. It's been 10 years since I started hazearella and social media and blogging has changed a lot since then. I'm excited to start this new blog with the changes that the internet has made since starting hazearella.

| Read 3 books... please 

I wasn't able to do my annual October reading challenge this year, and that's fine. I wasn't going to stress myself about it. This year has been Hell. Not as much as 2023 was, but a fraction of it. I'm set on taking the healing process more seriously from now until 2025, the girls deserve to have the best version of me and I deserve to find the control of my emotions again and the joy of the things I love.

With that said, I want to read at least 3 books this month. At least enough to complete my 2024 reading challenge. Without the restriction of sticking to a certain genre. 

| All the recaps

I didn't have very many favorites this year, sadly. But I still want to get a start on getting my recap posts done and catching up on my Yelp, NetGalley and Amazon reviews.

| WATCH WICKED

I watched Wicked for the first time in 2009. Wizard of Oz has always had a special place in my life. Since then I've watched it a total of 14 times across 3 different states. I'm still friends with both the Fiyero's who played in the SF production from 2009-2010. Wicked changed my life for good. And I am so excited for seeing Wicked in a new way. And I love Ariana Grande! I'm so happy she landed the role of Glinda.

I met Bubba 8 years ago, what caught my attention was he was singing Defying Gravity in the voice chat. Since then he's built me a Wizard of Oz and Wicked shrine in every apartment we've had. And as I mentioned earlier, he's built me and both the girls a Wicked wardrobe since Wicked merch has released. 

I actually have not bought one Wicked themed merch since they started coming out. Bubba has bought them all for me. From the makeup to the clothes to the pj's to my Emerald City hairbrush. At this point, I'm about to defy gravity myself.

Oh he also got me cupcake mix where it'll either turn pink or green. I'm super excited to get into those!

Hopefully I can get through most of these this month. Here's to a hopeful chill, cozy and relaxing November.

Do you have any goals for this month?

The air is cooling, the leaves are -- wait, never mind. This is Texas. The air doesn't cool until mid November. And do our leaves even change color?! As much as I love living in hot states, sometimes I miss the smell and the crisp feel of Fall air. In the meantime, I'll just blast the AC in my apartment and pretend it's also cold outside.

Fall in my apartment starts in July, I'm running a bit late this year. Between trying to salvage my mental health, getting ready for Tums to start school and adjusting to Winnie being a total Muffin and skipping her naps, it's been a different kind of busy for me over here.

I started this blog 11 years ago and my life has drastically changed since then. I never thought I'd have kids, for starters. And I never thought I'd be one of those parents who were counting down the days until school started again. But here we are. A lot a lot can happen in ten years.

My life switched up just like how my ex husband decided to switch up on me one day lmao. Craaaazy. Shout out to my cousin Raena who never gave up on the idea that I'd have kids some day despite what I kept saying... girl you got your wish! You'll love Tums, she's literally a smaller me haha!

Fall is the only time I make a TBR, and while it's been a few years since I've actually been active with completing it, I still look forward to making a list of books I probably won't read. It's the little things in life.

This isn't a solid final list but a few titles I am hoping to read this Fall.

House of Salt and Sorrows is one that I put down after coming across a rather creepy scene. I really need to finish it. I want to finish it. It's so intriguing. The Twelve Dancing Princesses was never on my list of favorite fairy tales but I'm finding that I enjoy the retellings more than any other one. 

Into a Wicked World is one I just started and unlike Dorothy Must Die I'm really enjoying this one. I think this was renamed? Or, I don't know. I know I bought the previous version of it. I'm a little confused at what happened with that but they shared the same cover until they didn't.

Once Upon a Broken Heart has been on my TBR for far too long. That's it. That's the reason. Oh and it's a retelling by an author I enjoy.

Gallant is one I started on my last plane ride. I LOVED LOVED LOVED The Cassidy Blake series and would had thought I'd pick up more of V's books but then I gave birth and reading just hasn't really been a thing I have the luxury of doing. This one is just as captivating, I really hope I get around to finishing this one this year!

Belladonna was one I got from OwlCrate a few years ago and I keep planning on picking it up every Fall season but then I don't get around to it. Almost tempted to start this one first just so that doesn't happen this year lol.

The Book of Living Secrets is one I literally just found and picked up today as I was browsing GoodReads lists. It sounds super interesting and the cover was what really caught my attention.

Are there any books you tend to set aside for a certain season or holiday to read them?

I can't believe the month is already over! June went by so fast! a lot has been going on around here but not all of it deserves a place on my blog. June wasn't a big month for favs sadly… I've been battling depression the last few months and I think I'm finally in a much better head space now than I was back in April and May. Staying close to people who make you tel like you're not hard to love can really help the healing process. I'm not healed just yet, but I'm closer than I was.

If you have not noticed, I got rid of my IG for awhile and honestly, it’s been such a huge help with healing. Even if I finally did get invited to get paid per reel — my head wasn’t in it to worry about making reels. And that is fine. Tbh I hate making reels. I’d rather do something I actually enjoy than force myself to make content I’ll just dread. That never works out good for me… spiritually at least. 

It’s also moving season for me again, after skipping it for 2 years lol. But with the girls getting bigger — they definitely need a bigger space. Also I’m sick of toys literally everywhere. Just why?!

Well, I guess I lied.

I had a bit more favs in June than I thought I did...

 I thankfully got to celebrate my birthday like I usually do this year -- at Disney World. It's been a tradition to celebrate my birthday at Disneyland since I was 22. Then on my 25th birthday I started celebrating it at Disney World. I missed it the last 2 years because of... reasons. But now that that reason isn't around anymore, I'm free to celebrating my birthday the way I want.

It felt so good to go home after 2 years of being away. I miss my life in Florida all the time. I miss the weather. I miss my friends. I miss the ability to go to Disney when I want. I miss the little lizards you have to dodge in the Spring when their eggs hatch. I miss the weird Florida wildlife that always confused and surprised me. My life was always busy and exciting when I was in Florida. And it's just the one place I'm ever really truly happy.

Being there with both my girls? Even better. I had the best time. Tums is tall enough to ride things and she sure did spend a lot of the time riding everything she could with her dad. Then taking me on the rides and saying "it's okay mama, don't be scared, I'm here. Here, hold my hand if you get scared." she is literally the best little person in my life.

We were on Test Track (the first time I ever got on it, finally) and during the speed test Tums screams out "OH FUCK" then she screams out "mama don't tell daddy I said thattttt" lol.

Winnie's first flight went amazingly well. She slept the majority of the flight and was so calm. Tums however, would not let anyone sleep. I was getting so mad. Especially since we had to get up at 3 and ended up still missing out flight. Lesson learned, NO MORE 6am FLIGHTS lmao. I'm not going to go into how many times we've delayed ourselves.

Usually if it's just me and Bubba we hit the parks as soon as we get there but since we had the girls, we took day 1 as Disney Springs day. I made a reservation at T-Rex cause I knew Tums would love it. It's the same idea as The Rainforest Cafe but with Dino's. She absolutely loved it and thought the Meteor Shower was so cool. I'm glad. I was a little worried she'd get scared. But she loved pointing out all the baby Dino's with their mama's. We got seated in the Ice Cave. I've only eaten in this area one other time but it's probably my favorite.

If I don't take a pic of the Disney Springs lake, am I really at Disney Springs?! This sight is much more gorg at night. It felt so fuckin good to be home. To stand on this bridge and to see the things that make my soul feel so much lighter and clear. And to run around Disney Springs is always a good time. I miss it so much already.

The next day we had a reservation at Ohana for breakfast; Tums has been into Stitch lately and I thought it would be the perfect chance for her to meet him. There are several other places you can, but I figured this would be the best way. She snatched all the Mickey waffles first of all. And didn't want to take pics with anyone but Pluto lol. I had Winnie dressed as Lilo and Stitch was playing peek a boo with her. It was the cutest thing ever.

As far as the meal, because Winnie is allergic to eggs we had to mention vegan options. They were so amazing with bringing her her own breakfast all you can eat plate with vegan options. They made the whole thing so easy and hassle free. I plan to write about this on my Disney food blog I'm launching later this month.

We also might had ate all of the vegan version of breakfast. The vegan eggs were mf amazing. I loved them. We might had also fought over the vegan cinnamon doughnut they gave her instead of the pineapple coconut bread they usually start you off with. 

Pro tip Winns: If you say "nah I'm good" please believe the rest of us will not hesitate to take it off your hands. SO BE SURE YOU'RE GOOD before you say you are lol.

Goose Creek is one of my favorite lesser-known candle companies. They release collections every season and do collabs with things like Strawberry Shortcake and Candy Land. Granted they're online only so doing a sniff test to some of these is not a thing. Their prices are affordable, and the burn quality is smooth. The scent throw is definitely there to throw. Both their candles and wax melts are definitely worth their prices, they also run frequent sales. 

I don't know why I stopped posting my hauls, especially my candle hauls but I really should start again.

I burned Canteen Hot Cocoa pretty much for all of December and it lasted me the majority of the month. 

Prominent scent notes:

Milk Chocolate, Warm Fudge, Fluffy Marshmallows, Whipped Cream & Vanilla

Canteen Hot Cocoa definitely had a chocolate scent which was the main scent being thrown. I couldn't detect much of the marshmallows but the whipped cream or a creamy-ness was there. The scent was strong enough to fill the whole apartment despite the candle only being lit in the office.

For the price this is worth a shot. Not to mention how cute is this candle label. I might be a little biased because I'm a sucker for watercolor anything, but I just loved looking at this candle on my desk!

If you're into chocolate scented candles I'd suggest checking out some of their other scents. With Valentine's Day coming up I'm sure they'll be releasing a lot more of the same theme!

My onelittleword for 2024; 

After an extremely traumatic 2023 finding a word for 2024 wasn't hard at all. I barely struggled with it. And everything that I do within 2024 will reflect this word. Much harder than I've ever done in previous years. Because my healing, my mental health, is not just for me but for my girls too.

Going back to being the mom that I said I'd be when Tums was born. Working hard to avoid situations that'll make me relapse. Avoiding people who seem to be dead set on triggering me and pushing me off my path. And staying away from people who try to tell me what to do or what choices I should be making. People who tell me that my kids "shouldn't" be here are def not people I want to be around.

Making my silence more of a priority. Not answering my phone and not feeling bad for doing so. I don't need to reply to every message, text or phone call. Especially if I really don't want to. 

And if this makes me sound selfish, then I guess that makes me selfish but I'm literally done caring. Because nothing is more important than MY happiness and my girls having a mom who isn't always in a bad mood.

I haven't put much thought into any specific resolutions, just focusing on getting better and recovering my mental health. I've gone way too long letting it suffer and enduring the opinions of other people. I need to get back into taking control of my life and what I want instead of worrying about upsetting other people cause that isn't the move and I don't know why I ever thought it was. In the end the ones to suffer were my girls and I'm never letting that happen again.

2023 was a lot like 2022 -- full of shit.

I got into drama with the same people and the same shit happened. It was like the  same damn repeat. Throw in giving birth, postpartum, Tums moving out, almost dying -- literally, and being dragged down a hallway by someone you spent your whole life saying was the most important person in your life.

I was angry, a lot.

And the girls deserve a mom who isn't always angry. Who isn't always in a bad mood. And it's crazy how we allow one person to have that much power to make us angry. It shouldn't be that way. Just like you shouldn't put your happiness in someone else's hands, you shouldn't put any mf emotions in another mf's hands. They're not you. They're not living YOUR life. They don't have to endure you and your mind and your life every single day. But you do. Your emotions should always be yours to control.

A lot more bad happened than good and it was awful kind of bad.