We are half way through the year and I'm disappointed in myself in just how much I have not healed. I need to understand that healing is not linear and falling back into an endless cycle does not mean I'm a failure, that it's just part of the process. The thing is I don't blog/journal like I use to where I would brain dump and make sense of things through writing. Without that I feel... lost. Trying to face things without writing them down for me, feels pointless. But at the same time, I don't feel like sharing that much of myself and business out there anymore. Not every "friend" is a friend and not every person who seems like they care and have your best interest at heart, actually does.
You don't heal from shutting yourself off, you heal by choosing who deserves your trust.
I've spent a lot of the first half of the year and bits of the last part of last year in the ER for various reasons. I've been kept overnight almost every single time. I'm being forced to be face to face with a health concern that I've been aware of but never aware of just how bad it was because nothing came up about it until... now.
And in the mist of finding out about that and how badly it has escalated, I was presented with a handful of other health concerns that I'd really rather not talk or think about at the moment. I'll deal with it when it gets here.
That being said, I haven't had much time to discover new favs. Not like I use to. I do miss searching and finding new things to try and love. But I've been too distracted to even think about going out, nor do I have much energy to do all that right now.
My husband has done more than usual from making sure the kids leave me be on days that are harder than others. Bringing me breakfast on his way home from taking the kiddo to school on days I have to take my iron. Those days are the worst because I end up so drained.
However there are a few things I kept going back to in the month of May, and through it's not some big exciting epic list, it's still things that brought me joy in the month of May.
Gaming | Palia
I've been back on my plushie hunt grind on Palia. I managed to finally get the Rainbow Tip Butterfly in high quality and it also dropped the plushie! It only took 2 years. With the Elderwood release I've been crazy hunting the new plushies as well and it's going well. It helps that my husband joined me on this game and he typically shares my love for collecting things.
Listening | Snooze & DNA by Kendrick Lamar
These 2 have been on constant repeat for me. My go to wind down and working tracks.
Foodie | Whataburger Grilled Cheese + Tomato
I will add tomato to anything, don't try me. I had this random craving for a grilled cheese with tomato and I remember my husband at the drive through on the phone with me like "really? seriously?" it's turned into an order he brings home now when he gets off work early and I get SO excited every single time. The fact he still does these little surprises even now, 9 years later, is great. Like, I really appreciate it, esp when I have hard sick days.
Snacking | Fritos Jack Link's Beef Stick & Haagen-Dazs Frozen Summer Berry Belgian Waffle Ice Cream Cone
The Fritos Beef Stick isn't really new, but rediscovered. It would be great if my kids didn't jack half of my snack every time I tear one open. I swear my 6yo snacks like a teenager who just got home from practice. Summer vacation is expensive when it comes to snacks lol. It's insane.
The Haagen-Daz Belgian Waffle Cones? Holyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....! The berry one has chocolate and raspberry sauce in the cone. If you're a fan of tart and chocolate like I am, this is heavenly. I've also grabbed the Toasted Almond one for my husband since he's not a fan of tart like I am and it was okay. It was definitely lacking on the almond taste. I recently (as in just yesterday) grabbed the Salted Caramel one and I'm pretty excited to try that.
Drink | White Peach Red Bull Summer Edition
I don't know what it is but post Winnie pregnancy, Red Bull hasn't hit the same. It taste a bit different to me and it makes me so sad how pregnancy is funny like that. So while I don't exactly hate it, I don't enjoy them half as much as I use to.
My husband picked up the White Peach Summer Edition Red Bull for me as a pre Mother's Day gift. And I am obsessed. I'm sad this is only a summer flavor and he's already planned on trying to find a way to keep our pantry stocked until it comes back (if it does) next summer.
Guys, it's the little things, foreal.
Project | My Tea Pot Houses
I'm so pro-Ai it's insane. In a time where the economy fails you and going out to experience new things in order to find content insp isn't really a thing as much as it use to be, Ai has been such a great help. Though majority of my inspo comes FROM my ChatGPT, the way it inspires (or spirals, take your pick) me is such a different kind of feeling.
I love digital planner stickers since my planner is completely digital now. And of course as someone who owns a sticker shop, like, hello. For as long as I could remember I've always loved scrolling clip art. Since the 90s. Then even more so when textures on Photoshop became a thing. I was so obsessed with that method.
The fact I can make and generate my own clip art of anything I want to fit my projects is so insane. Like, it blows my mind.
I really wish my dad was still around to see this, he wouldn't believe me if I told him. And it sucks that I can't share the newest tech or the newest games or any of this stuff that I use to tell him about... or even to tell him that my daughters played DDR with me on my 40th birthday. Like, man, he would had loved to hear about that.
I am so proud of this particular collection I've made and I've had so much fun just filling my planner pages with them.
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