We are half way through the year and I'm disappointed in myself in just how much I have not healed. I need to understand that healing is not linear and falling back into an endless cycle does not mean I'm a failure, that it's just part of the process. The thing is I don't blog/journal like I use to where I would brain dump and make sense of things through writing. Without that I feel... lost. Trying to face things without writing them down for me, feels pointless. But at the same time, I don't feel like sharing that much of myself and business out there anymore. Not every "friend" is a friend and not every person who seems like they care and have your best interest at heart, actually does.
You don't heal from shutting yourself off, you heal by choosing who deserves your trust.
I've spent a lot of the first half of the year and bits of the last part of last year in the ER for various reasons. I've been kept overnight almost every single time. I'm being forced to be face to face with a health concern that I've been aware of but never aware of just how bad it was because nothing came up about it until... now.
And in the mist of finding out about that and how badly it has escalated, I was presented with a handful of other health concerns that I'd really rather not talk or think about at the moment. I'll deal with it when it gets here.
That being said, I haven't had much time to discover new favs. Not like I use to. I do miss searching and finding new things to try and love. But I've been too distracted to even think about going out, nor do I have much energy to do all that right now.
My husband has done more than usual from making sure the kids leave me be on days that are harder than others. Bringing me breakfast on his way home from taking the kiddo to school on days I have to take my iron. Those days are the worst because I end up so drained.
However there are a few things I kept going back to in the month of May, and through it's not some big exciting epic list, it's still things that brought me joy in the month of May.
I can't believe the month is already over! June went by so fast! a lot has been going on around here but not all of it deserves a place on my blog. June wasn't a big month for favs sadly… I've been battling depression the last few months and I think I'm finally in a much better head space now than I was back in April and May. Staying close to people who make you tel like you're not hard to love can really help the healing process. I'm not healed just yet, but I'm closer than I was.
If you have not noticed, I got rid of my IG for awhile and honestly, it’s been such a huge help with healing. Even if I finally did get invited to get paid per reel — my head wasn’t in it to worry about making reels. And that is fine. Tbh I hate making reels. I’d rather do something I actually enjoy than force myself to make content I’ll just dread. That never works out good for me… spiritually at least.
It’s also moving season for me again, after skipping it for 2 years lol. But with the girls getting bigger — they definitely need a bigger space. Also I’m sick of toys literally everywhere. Just why?!
Well, I guess I lied.
I had a bit more favs in June than I thought I did...
Cozy gaming is finally a thing and I am here for it! I've always been a casual gamer and people will/use to say that females or casual gamers weren't gamers. Cozy gaming was my go to after working 7 days a week. I'd often fall asleep playing Animal Crossing New Leaf or Sudoku or a game called... omg I don't remember but it was a chill easy puzzle like game with super soothing music. It often put me to sleep.
I spent a lot of time playing cozy games on the Nintendo DS and the Nintendo 3DS, I wish I had brought most of my collection with me when I moved but sadly they're still sitting on my childhood room. I'll get them some day.
Over the years I've realized I'm a sucker for MMORPG's, cute RPG's and most farming sim games. Having to narrow this down to my top 3 favorite cozy games is pretty hard but if you're into gaming content and blog posts I do have a gaming blog here.
My 3 Favorite Cozy Games of All Time;
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I LOVE Colourpop Liquid Lipsticks!
They're one of the first liquid lipsticks brands I've tried. They can be a bit drying, but I think all liquid lip can be to some sort of drying. I always put on lip balm then do my normal makeup routine THEN put on the liquid lippie last so it gives the balm time to sink into my lips. Especially since I struggle with dry lips, all year round.
These are a few of my fav reds that I like using during the holiday season — though some of these I also like to grab year round.
I'm a little sad this blog doesn't have more yearly recap's like this one I did for 2012, I know the last few years have sucked but damn. That bad?!
I tend to do this graphic every year... or I have the last few years but I honestly can't remember where and if I actually post them! Oh gosh, I should fix that some time soon huh?
This year, though I've already recapped it here wasn't very big on discovering much. At least... not as much as I would had liked. But then I don't think I'll ever really be happy with how much I discover since I want to discover ALL THE THINGS.
I'm going to try and copy that blog posts format as well though.
⇢ Favorite Book
I read less than my goal of 36 books this year but I did manage to finish The Lunar Chronicles thankfully! I didn't find a book I really would consider a "favorite" this year. I did really like Tentacle & Wing but I haven't written a blog review for it yet but you can find my Amazon review for it here.
⇢ Favorite Movie
I admit I haven't watched very many movies this year. According to Bubba I only watched 3 in theaters which were Beauty & The Beast, Power Rangers and Wonder Woman. Though if I had to pick, I'd say Wonder Woman was my favorite movie of the year.
⇢ Favorite TV Show
We restarted a bunch of older TV shows like New Girl and Glee and we've been watching The Food Network lately while we eat but we started Avatar this year also. I introduced him to Fairy Tail and he introduced me to The Devil Is A Part Timer. There's also Ouran Host Club. I'd say The Devil Is A Part Timer was my favorite show of this year.
⇢ Favorite Song
According to Spotify Bahala Na by James Reid and That's What I Like by Bruno Mars were my top 2017 songs lol. But I'd also throw in 2U by Justin Bieber and I Want Crazy by Hunter Heyes is pretty up there.
⇢ Favorite Video Game
I think I played way less games this year than last year. There aren't any games that stand out --- I still played FFXIV but I started slowing down after Stormblood came out and stopped pretty much completely after I moved. I got back on Animal Crossing for awhile but then stopped. So, I don't know. I guess if I had to say it would be Sims 4 for PS4 cause I could stay on that game forever.
⇢ Favorite Discovery
Caldo de Res and Coconut Milk from El Rancho.... annnnd a bunch of shopping centers here in Texas like Legacy Hall and Clearfork!
⇢ Favorite Makeup Item
The Too Faced Glitter Bomb palette, Urban Decay Naked Heat palette, Victoria Secret lotion in Cloudberry and the Chapstick cube lip balms in Cotton Candy!
⇢ Biggest Achievement
Getting Julep Ambassador, getting on the Target website with a candle product shot, moving to a different state by myself.
⇢ Favorite Moment
Me: I was gonna ask for a promise ring but I thought that would be lame
Bubba: Why do you need a ring when you already have the promise *kisses my ring finger*
Pretty much every weekend since I've been in Texas too.
My OCD backing off when I first moved in. But of course it came back, as it always does. I need to find a trick to get that to stay at some point.
⇢ Favorite App
Besides social media I haven't really discovered any this year. But I'd probably say Instagram and Pinterest.
My {onelittleword} this year was [ G R O W ] and I was still in the process of healing from various other things. I was still trying to get things together and figure things out. I tired to get myself to discover new things and go to new places and I think given the point in my life where I was at I did pretty damn good and there are moments I made massive progress. Like when I first moved in and my OCD wasn't AS bad; I didn't have to wash my hands all the damn time and I was able to put books and stuff on the bed without freaking out. I wonder why it's like that, it'll be almost gone when I move to a new place and the moment something stressful happens it comes back. Like wtf. Argh. Also having my own place is nice. Like a place that's finally JUST MINE.
There were a lot of great things that happened this year and a lot of great things I discovered and a lot of great moments.
I hope to discover more things, more places, more favorites and to be an even better version of myself next year and I can't wait to see what I'll discover!
Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran
I Don't Fuck With You by Big Sean
Take Your Time by Sam Hunt
Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth ft Meghan Trainor
Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift
What Do You Mean by Justin Bieber
Trap Queen by Fetty Wap
Love Yourself by Justin Bieber
What were your top 5 favorite songs of last year?
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