We are half way through the year and I'm disappointed in myself in just how much I have not healed. I need to understand that healing is not linear and falling back into an endless cycle does not mean I'm a failure, that it's just part of the process. The thing is I don't blog/journal like I use to where I would brain dump and make sense of things through writing. Without that I feel... lost. Trying to face things without writing them down for me, feels pointless. But at the same time, I don't feel like sharing that much of myself and business out there anymore. Not every "friend" is a friend and not every person who seems like they care and have your best interest at heart, actually does.

You don't heal from shutting yourself off, you heal by choosing who deserves your trust.

I've spent a lot of the first half of the year and bits of the last part of last year in the ER for various reasons. I've been kept overnight almost every single time. I'm being forced to be face to face with a health concern that I've been aware of but never aware of just how bad it was because nothing came up about it until... now.

And in the mist of finding out about that and how badly it has escalated, I was presented with a handful of other health concerns that I'd really rather not talk or think about at the moment. I'll deal with it when it gets here.

That being said, I haven't had much time to discover new favs. Not like I use to. I do miss searching and finding new things to try and love. But I've been too distracted to even think about going out, nor do I have much energy to do all that right now. 

My husband has done more than usual from making sure the kids leave me be on days that are harder than others. Bringing me breakfast on his way home from taking the kiddo to school on days I have to take my iron. Those days are the worst because I end up so drained.

However there are a few things I kept going back to in the month of May, and through it's not some big exciting epic list, it's still things that brought me joy in the month of May.