Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
When I wrote yesterday's entry I wasn't aware that it was Mental Health Awareness Week. I feel like MHAW/MHAM come and go so often that it's hard to keep track of these things. Not to mention in my world, Mental Health Awareness is pretty much an every day thing.
I feel like my life has all kinds of divides and chapters when I look back on it; from the time I was 13 until my anxiety full force kicked in at 20 I struggled HEAVILY with depression and suicide. I was constantly listening to music. CONSTANTLY. There was rarely ever a time I wasn't playing music. Everything from DDR songs to 80's Light Rock to Hip Hop to R&B to Slow Jams to Techno to Alternative.
The best way to battle depression is by practicing gratitude.
*digs through pretty makeup bag*
*stares at pretty collection of books*
*cuddles sophie*
*looks at emails of companies who want to work with me*
*rereads sweet positive messages from friends*
*looks at level 34 arcanist on FFXIV i achieved*
Just because I deal with depression doesn't mean I'm ungrateful. It doesn't mean I think my life sucks or that I have nothing. Depression isn't something you can control. It's something you have to WORK AT EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR GODDAMN LIFE. And some days will be massively harder than others. Some weeks. Some months. No one knows. Not even you.
Today, I'm just too tired to fight. And it makes me feel weak. But I need to realize THAT'S OKAY to feel weak, it doesn't mean I am. It's okay TO FEEL. It's okay to spend all day crying.
I never cut myself a break. I force myself to get up and fight every single day. I force myself to be stronger. I EXPECT myself to be stronger.
I just need to remember to breathe. Surround myself with stuff that makes me happy normally. To take it one step at a time. I'll be okay. It's a process. And that too, is okay.
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