Showing posts with label yearly recap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yearly recap. Show all posts
2023 was a lot like 2022 -- full of shit.
I got into drama with the same people and the same shit happened. It was like the same damn repeat. Throw in giving birth, postpartum, Tums moving out, almost dying -- literally, and being dragged down a hallway by someone you spent your whole life saying was the most important person in your life.
I was angry, a lot.
And the girls deserve a mom who isn't always angry. Who isn't always in a bad mood. And it's crazy how we allow one person to have that much power to make us angry. It shouldn't be that way. Just like you shouldn't put your happiness in someone else's hands, you shouldn't put any mf emotions in another mf's hands. They're not you. They're not living YOUR life. They don't have to endure you and your mind and your life every single day. But you do. Your emotions should always be yours to control.
A lot more bad happened than good and it was awful kind of bad.
Last year I wrote about the Things I'm Leaving in 2020 and I thought it would be kind of fun to do this again. I know it's a bit similar to intentions and goals but I feel like you can never throw your intentions into the universe too much. There are going to be a few repeat's on this list but we'll see how many times I gotta this ish down before I get it through my thick ass skull. Shadow work. Leggo.
| Not making my health a priority
I really had so many intentions on fixing this one and while I sometimes managed to get back on track, I'd also fall off just as fast. Living in TX is really challenging for this one, I mean it doesn't HAVE to be but I'm def struggling with it especially when it comes to eating better. I truly believe that the things you eat, the entertainment you consume and the amount of physical activity you're into all have something heavy to do with your mental health.
Speaking of mental health, I'm leaving behind the fear or laziness of doing Shadow Work. Of being my own source of therapy. Of avoiding my own therapeutic hobbies because ya girl needs to reconnect with herself. I feel like I lost touch of myself after I gave birth two years ago, I've low key been too scared to examine that so I just haven't. But I need to, cause if I don't, how will I know where my direction is?
My health -- all aspects of it -- should be my highest priority.
| Hoarding
I literally don't even want to talk about this endless life long struggle. It all started as a kid. And I haven't been able to fix it because it also triggers anxiety. I low key hate finding favorite things/foods/products because if the shit ends up discontinued I get super sad. I mean, isn't that suppose to be the fun of discovering favorite new stuff? Idk, it's weird.
I get buying back ups of things that I use daily. Like cleaning supplies. Or like, hygiene stuff. But there other stuff like snacks, makeup... yeah, that habit has got to go. Especially when it comes to makeup, while I did enjoy collecting makeup once upon a time... we're not in the fairy tale forest anymore. And Tums likes to just WRECK my makeup. She doesn't know any better, I remember what it was like as a kid and fuckin up my mom's makeup just to "see what would happen". So I really can't blame her. But I also shouldn't have makeup that I have no intention to use either??? I get being in that mindset when I was younger but now that I'm older with a kid, it really puts things into perspective.
| Selling myself short
Another life long struggle of mine. If there's anything 2021 has proved to me it's that even if I feel out of touch with myself, it hasn't changed my drive to create or better myself. It's harder to see these things in yourself, but my friends have been constantly reminding me this year that I can do everything I want and that I make things happen.
I need to leave behind the ideal that I "can't" do something. Tums has started saying she can't do something when I know she can. I need to start believing in myself the way my friends and Tums do, because I know I CAN be capable of so much but I spent this year telling myself I wasn't. And while 2021 turned out better than I expected, I did carry a lot of self doubt. Imagine if I hadn't.
I'm not saying I'm going to walk around thinking I'm the shit at everything, but def at least the things I KNOW I'm the shit at. Or at least ditch the idea of self doubt when it comes to a project or a job.
| Avoiding rest
I tend to work nonstop, I don't know how to take a break or to rest. And within the last year I have even stopped taking my daily bubble baths just because I just don't feel like I have the time anymore to take them. I have stopped everything that was used as a hobby of rest. The only days I have to even sleep in are Sundays, so that's what I do. But even then, the rest of Sunday is spent catching up on things or doing laundry and cleaning the whole apartment while there's no one there to bother me.
I know this one is going to be hard to fix; But I really want to make rest a priority, I guess it goes hand in hand with keeping my health also a priority.
| Avoiding conflict
I recently found out this is a trauma response. I like to think I've learned how to pick my battles. But I know there are some situations where I need to say my shit. And I still don't. I almost physically can't and I use to be SO good at starting conflict so how did this happen? Who hurt me? Oh, right, my narc ex who would gaslight me in circles and make me feel like I was losing my mind for trying to stand up for myself. And if that wasn't enough, when he ran out of fake reasons he resulted to physical abuse.
I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to undo this since it's one of those things that are kind of just lodged in your brain and when the chance to participate in conflict comes up, your brain just stops. I'm trying to be better at standing my ground again, but the times when I really need to, I still struggle with it.
I do make it known my boundaries are solid. And even that can get arguments started, but it's a start in standing up for myself.
Never thought I'd miss being the reckless angry kid who just burned bridges for fun.
| Using shopping as a stress reliever
This is one of my favorite toxic traits. I know, that sounds freakin horrible, but it's true! My dad use to tell me that I either need to control my spending or marry someone who makes enough money to support my insane spending. I was like 21 at the time. Not much as changed since then.
I don't shop as much any more. Mostly since I lost all my high limit cards, but I still need to be more mindful of the things I buy and no just go crazy since I have the money to. I did pretty well about it in 2021, until I lost Sophie. Then I just went on a weird shopping rampage, as if that was going to make me feel better.
I need to find/adapt healthier ways to ease stress, for sure.
| Keeping up with people who don't matter
Guilty pleasure right here.
It's definitely not as bad as it use to be. I don't find much time to check up on people who aren't in my life any more. Low key thankful I'm that busy now to not find time for it. But in the dark moments when I allow my darkness to just run with shit I find myself doing just that.
And honestly, there's no good reason to even spend my energy and mind space on things that won't move my life and goals forward. They're not in my life for a reason and that is totally fine. That happens. We out grow people. We change, so our circle will eventually change. That's just life. There's no epic reason to why sometimes we fall out of touch with some people and there's sometimes not epic reason to why these things just happen.
Despite knowing this, I still play the did I do something wrong complex when I really shouldn't. And even if I did and they decided to just ghost me instead of talk it out? Then whatever. Why should I care. We fight for the relationships in our lives we want to keep and if someone doesn't find value in a relationship with you, then they don't. There's 7 billion people in this world. Like???
I really need to spend that time (no matter how little time that is) improving myself and my life.
What are some things you're leaving in 2021?
2020 has definitely been a year of slow living and for most of us reflecting. It's definitely put a lot of things in my life in perspective. The things I've been doing to myself that were toxic and the things I've held on to that have also been toxic for me and my well being.
It's never really easy to admit that something you're close to is not good for you and it's hard to come to the terms to let those things you're so use to go. But while I'm letting things go and leaving them in 2020 I can hope that that means I'm making room for better more beneficial things in 2021.
On with the show;
I thought writing this entry would be easy... but as I was (endlessly) scrolling through my photos of food of 2017 I realized... this isn't going to be as easy as I thought.
In my mind 2017 was divided between the last bit of my life in Florida and the beginning bit of my life in Texas; through Ubereats I discovered a lot of food I fell in love with before I left Florida and through DoorDash and adventures with Bubba there's a lot of food I discovered in Texas. But I tried to narrow it down to the foods I would go back to. So while this isn't a complete list of foods I found to be my favs this is a list of foods I loved enough to buy more than twice.
Let's start with what I discovered in Florida:
I'm a little sad this blog doesn't have more yearly recap's like this one I did for 2012, I know the last few years have sucked but damn. That bad?!
I tend to do this graphic every year... or I have the last few years but I honestly can't remember where and if I actually post them! Oh gosh, I should fix that some time soon huh?
This year, though I've already recapped it here wasn't very big on discovering much. At least... not as much as I would had liked. But then I don't think I'll ever really be happy with how much I discover since I want to discover ALL THE THINGS.
I'm going to try and copy that blog posts format as well though.
⇢ Favorite Book
I read less than my goal of 36 books this year but I did manage to finish The Lunar Chronicles thankfully! I didn't find a book I really would consider a "favorite" this year. I did really like Tentacle & Wing but I haven't written a blog review for it yet but you can find my Amazon review for it here.
⇢ Favorite Movie
I admit I haven't watched very many movies this year. According to Bubba I only watched 3 in theaters which were Beauty & The Beast, Power Rangers and Wonder Woman. Though if I had to pick, I'd say Wonder Woman was my favorite movie of the year.
⇢ Favorite TV Show
We restarted a bunch of older TV shows like New Girl and Glee and we've been watching The Food Network lately while we eat but we started Avatar this year also. I introduced him to Fairy Tail and he introduced me to The Devil Is A Part Timer. There's also Ouran Host Club. I'd say The Devil Is A Part Timer was my favorite show of this year.
⇢ Favorite Song
According to Spotify Bahala Na by James Reid and That's What I Like by Bruno Mars were my top 2017 songs lol. But I'd also throw in 2U by Justin Bieber and I Want Crazy by Hunter Heyes is pretty up there.
⇢ Favorite Video Game
I think I played way less games this year than last year. There aren't any games that stand out --- I still played FFXIV but I started slowing down after Stormblood came out and stopped pretty much completely after I moved. I got back on Animal Crossing for awhile but then stopped. So, I don't know. I guess if I had to say it would be Sims 4 for PS4 cause I could stay on that game forever.
⇢ Favorite Discovery
Caldo de Res and Coconut Milk from El Rancho.... annnnd a bunch of shopping centers here in Texas like Legacy Hall and Clearfork!
⇢ Favorite Makeup Item
The Too Faced Glitter Bomb palette, Urban Decay Naked Heat palette, Victoria Secret lotion in Cloudberry and the Chapstick cube lip balms in Cotton Candy!
⇢ Biggest Achievement
Getting Julep Ambassador, getting on the Target website with a candle product shot, moving to a different state by myself.
⇢ Favorite Moment
Me: I was gonna ask for a promise ring but I thought that would be lame
Bubba: Why do you need a ring when you already have the promise *kisses my ring finger*
Pretty much every weekend since I've been in Texas too.
My OCD backing off when I first moved in. But of course it came back, as it always does. I need to find a trick to get that to stay at some point.
⇢ Favorite App
Besides social media I haven't really discovered any this year. But I'd probably say Instagram and Pinterest.
My {onelittleword} this year was [ G R O W ] and I was still in the process of healing from various other things. I was still trying to get things together and figure things out. I tired to get myself to discover new things and go to new places and I think given the point in my life where I was at I did pretty damn good and there are moments I made massive progress. Like when I first moved in and my OCD wasn't AS bad; I didn't have to wash my hands all the damn time and I was able to put books and stuff on the bed without freaking out. I wonder why it's like that, it'll be almost gone when I move to a new place and the moment something stressful happens it comes back. Like wtf. Argh. Also having my own place is nice. Like a place that's finally JUST MINE.
There were a lot of great things that happened this year and a lot of great things I discovered and a lot of great moments.
I hope to discover more things, more places, more favorites and to be an even better version of myself next year and I can't wait to see what I'll discover!
I try to do one of these every year. Here's the one I did for 2015. It's always interesting to see what music did I listen to the most that year and with the help of Spotify I can look back without having to really think too hard. Although the list isn't 100% accurate it's still a bigger help than relying on my own memory lol! It doesn't say what I listened to in the very beginning of the year but it does list some of my most listened to jams. Narrowing it down to 5 is gonna be the hard part!
Jealous by Beyonce
I was going through some stages of jealousy earlier in the year and this song along with Feelin Myself really helped me cope with that especially since I wasn't "allowed" to talk about being jealous. Some people just aren't worth your time and I get that now, thaaaaaaank god.
Oh also! Can't forget Formation by Beyonce. I immediately fell in love with this track! So much that since I couldn't find it I straight bought it on iTunes and played it non stop for weeks. I did not come to play with you hoes, I came to slayyyyy bitch!
Latch by Disclosure
This I would say was the one jam that I had on steady repeat for months. I still listen to it now. It reminds me of a brand new start and just good feelings and good times and lots of laughs. Religious by Ne-Yo does that too. Mostly of 6am morning talks that spanned all day long and talking about how I should own Nikes. Whatever lol.
Wind It Up by Todrick Hall
Picking the Todrick Hall jam of the year was a hard one considering that I'm IN LOVE with his whole Out of Oz album. Todrick was a discovery for the year thanks to my boyfriend Penny who introduced me to him during our nights we'd watch and share YouTube videos with each other. But I thought it was only right to go with the first song I was introduced to which is still one of my favs! And can we just talk about how he slays that Teddy Bear outfit? Like... can I do that?
In case you were curious to know what my favorite track from his Out of Oz album is... just gonna... leave this here.
Company by Tinashe
I fell in love with this song and this was another discovery for me. It just has that beat to it and it makes me miss my life in Cali --- going to clubs and doing hoodrat shit with my cousin in San Francisco causing trouble and swerving on people. I should really take a trip back home soon! This video also inspires me to go to the gym and run my ass off. I'd love to be one of those sexy skinny girls instead of just... a skinny girl.
All Be So Simple by Mike B.
I fell in love with Hip Hop Jazz and I hella added this after I finished this list, but whatever! I HAD to include it in this list! This song opened up a whole new world for me and maybe a lifestyle change. I love how calming this track is. I just hate how I can't find it on Spotify or anything, it's just on Soundcloud and YouTube *sigh*.
Crush by Yuna
Another discovery thanks to my friend Chewy/Jessica. I immediately fell in love with this song that she suggested after I said I was looking for Hip Hop Jazz jams (which is another discovery!) and I just love that old school R&B vibe it gives off. Helps that Usher is on that track and actually singing too. Oh how I've missed old school Usher!
How Far I'll Go from Moana
Okay okay, I had to include this because of REASONS. Reasons that I should just write a whole 'nother blog post about. Like, this whole movie soundtrack was amazing! But this song is one that me and Penny would heavily repeat for like weeks. We've just now weened ourselves off of it.
I definitely like the reprise version better though.
Yeah, I think I'll write a whole 'nother blog post on this cause it was just THAT good.
H O N O R A B L E M E N T I O N S
Love Is an Open Door from Frozen
The Feeling by Justin Bieber
YouTube Hip Hop Jam
Feeling U, Feeling Me by Alicia Keys
Headlines by Drake
Dear No One by Tori Kelly
Buried Alive by Logic
Jealous by Nick Joans
Closer (cover) by William Singe
I'm glad I found so many different songs that I fell in love with. I love how there's a string of songs that describe the timeline of me and Penny's relationship.
What were some of your favorite songs of 2016?
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