Showing posts with label new beginnings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new beginnings. Show all posts
Hellooooooooo July.
Hello passing the half way mark of 2025.
I would say I'm either excited or not excited but I'm sure the next 4 years are going to be a shit show anyway. I don't typically celebrate 4th of July since as someone who's spent most of their working life in theme parks, we all know we weren't going to get 4th of July off. It was never my favorite time of the year as a child either; the heat, my parents yelling in addition to that and me being blamed for something that went wrong that day? Nah, pass.
I'll stay home in peace and quiet and not be blamed for shit from anyone instead.
Childhood trauma runs hard. The more I uncover, the more... angry I get at how I was raised. How unfair it all was and how much it damaged me. Sadly being self aware doesn't magically fix it. Although, I wish it did sometimes.
Anyway.
If you want to know my goals for this month, hop on over to my new substack because Google ads are being freakin weird and with as many page views as I get on this blog, I should be getting paid for it. I update there pretty regularly and a lot more... unfiltered, unplanned, unhinged and 104% me.
I hope you all had a safe 4th of July, if you celebrate it.
It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
Pregnancy caught up with me and then so did postpartum depression. And then I lost my dad. So blogging and social media took a huge back burner in 2019.
I obviously didn’t get to post all the recap posts I wanted to do so I’ll be doing that through out January.
Most of my resolutions this year have to do with wellness so that’s what I picked for my {onelittleword} this year.
A few other resolutions include;
↠ Finish school
↠ Create a space for PPD
↠ Cook more
↠ Financial health
↠ Purchase with purpose
↠ Read 20 books
↠ Project pan
↠ Work on myself — internally
↠ Ignore drama + people’s opinions
↠ Be So confident in my own perception of myself that I won’t believe anything less
↠ Eat better
↠ Create content
↠ Become a Disney content creator
↠ Write reviews
↠ Learn Spanish
↠ Take steps to the 3yr plan everyday
↠ Get back to meditation
↠ Get back to Yoga
↠ Travel 3 times
↠ Do one big act of self care every month
I’m hoping to stop by more often, especially with me wanting to go back to writing reviews.
Here’s to a productive and healthy 2020 ✨!
I still can't believe how fast 2017 had just zipped by! Is this a sign of getting old?! Years just pass you by? It's almost kinda scary!
It's also been a whole week and let me tell you! I'm so over all these cramps and all this physical pain right now!
This year Bubba picked my {onelittleword} again and this year he picked [ C R E A T E ].
This is going to be interesting!
So the rule is once (or once every two) a week I have to create something. I haven't really put much thought into just what I want to create yet but there are a few things that have been on my yearly goals list for a few years now, like... making marshmallows, crafting a plushie, crafting a beanie, creating a mood board. And I'm sure there's maybe 3 other ones but I can't remember them right now.
So this year will be the year I finally tackle these things.
In addition to that I also have a few other goals I'd like to attempt:
⇢ Attempt to make Filipino dishes
⇢ Attempt to bake something off my Pinterest board once a month
⇢ Work on photography/**food styling photography**
⇢ Get more into bookstagram
⇢ Practice better beauty/lifestyle flat lays
⇢ USE A REAL CAMERA MORE
⇢ Read 36 books
⇢ Meditate/Yoga
⇢ Revamp blogs
⇢ Purge everything that doesn't serve me
⇢ Reorganize kitchen
There were others but again I can't really think of them right now. Bubba also has a goals list of this own:
--- Catch up/pay student loans
--- Finish Batman, Overwatch & DBZ shelves
--- Get one new outfit a month for Hazel and I
--- Watch a movie every other week
--- Finish Autumn's book
--- Play a new game every 2 months
--- Go on at least 1 trip this year
--- Build credit
There's a lot of things we want to see and do and accomplish this year and we're excited to see where this year will take us and what adventures we'll find along the way!
I'm so thankful for his uplifting attitude and his never ending happy vibe, I don't know how long I would had been sitting in my dark hole if he wasn't here to offer the support and happiness to remind me that life needs to keep moving forward even if we're hurting or even if we've suffering, it doesn't mean you have to stick yourself in a dark box. You can still grieve and you can still mourn while still planning to make the most out of your time and yourself.
So here's to 2018 and the adventures that are waiting for us ✨.
So in my last update I still fairly new to doing research and picking a moving company.
Well, I'm happy to report I picked one! I sent out emails mid last week to the companies I decided not to go with and most were understanding through one in particular did not like the fact that I did no decide to go with them. I found this reaction to be very surprising as well as unprofessional! They took the contents of my original email and somehow turned it as me personally attacking them. I'm like, I don't have time for this. How crazy.
Now I just have to send in my deposit; probably edit my inventory list with them and see about the furniture that I'm setting to get rid of. I have a friend who offered to take whatever I don't want but I'm a little worried as I live on the 3rd floor and I'm not sure if you can fit a couch and several other pieces in a car.
I've decided to get rid of most if not all of the things I either bought or acquired in my last relationship because I just don't want any of that energy from that part of my life around anymore. It was a really hard situation and I just feel like by moving to another state I have the chance to start over and put all of it behind me, if that makes sense. Plus, all of this stuff is stuff I don't use and will likely not use once I move.
I've started the process of sorting through things in my kitchen drawers and cabinets as well as the fridge and freezer, only keeping things that realistically should be there. I haven't attempted to attack the pantry just yet but I will SOON! It feels so nice to have a tidy (and damn near empty) fridge and freezer! As well as cleared off kitchen counters! I don't know what it is about it, but it's like ah. I've started to take things down as well and I'll be packing up the bookshelf out in the living room first, then sorting through the papers in the desk I'll be giving away next.
My room is going to be the most stressful of the places to pack and I know I should probably sort through things.
Especially this mess of things!
This is where all my makeup that doesn't have a "home" goes. I honestly don't remember what's all in here. But it definitely needs sorting and real homes lol.
I need to call utility places today to cancel my internet and electric for my day of move before they try renewing my contract. And also find out what electric and internet companies are in Texas and how much it'll cost to turn it all on.
So I just went and made half of those calls just now.
One of the problems now being that my ex didn't pay off the AT&T bill like he was suppose to for the last month we had their service and so I'm pretty sure unless I pay that insane amount I won't be able to turn my internet on at my new place since they use AT&T, awesome.
This is why you shouldn't have no one move in unless they're on the lease and WILL pay you half for EVERYTHING. Ugh, I'm so annoyed. I'll figure something out, somehow.
Other than trying to decide on an electric company and the internet situation as well as paying the deposit on the moving truck; mostly sorting, cleaning up/out and the beginning stages of packing are my main concern for this week and next week.
I don't see why packing is so hard to START (I mean, my anxiety and OCD kind of stop me a bit from it all as well) because as soon as I start I don't stop until at least half if not more than half of it is done. It just takes a lot of time. And I don't want to do what my ex did last time and just throw anything and everything into whatever box cause that was hell and is still hell since I can't find a bunch of important things. I normally separate things by room/section by box. I don't do none of that random throw things in a box mess cause unpacking is just as stressful as packing! And it can sometimes be even MORE overwhelming than actually packing and moving. I'm trying to make it easy on myself and getting rid of things I absolutely don't need or won't use when I get there so I don't have to deal with finding that stuff a place to go even if it's "temporary". I might as well just get it all out and over with before I even get there.
I also need to back up my files like crazy, that part I tend to forget sometimes.
I know I've moved from CA to FL twice and from FL to CA once. But that was before; before I had furniture and a cat. Despite how much I have accomplished and achieved and gotten done on my own for some reason when it comes to this move I feel... lost.
I wanted to start a bit of a series to document my move and I'll try my hardest to be honest and real and raw and update as frequently as I can. More for my sake than anyone else's, just so I can look back on this later.
Honestly I started blogging in 1999 because my mom kept reading my journals and I wrote because I've always had this fear of forgetting things and so I'd keep a record of my day no matter how exciting or mundane it was and in 2008 I started blogging about makeup to keep track of things I already had to avoid double purchasing. Somehow I lost track of that. So with this, I'm trying to recapture this.
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Moving from a different state to another state is kinda... stressful.
Besides having to pack everything, pull everything apart and things like that there's also payments to wrap up as well as payments to start, plane tickets to get to the new state, moving companies, cleaning services and lots of other things like that. In all honesty, I SHOULD be packing my stuff in boxes like RIGHT NOW but my anxiety stops me from a lot of things. So battling with that is a whole 'nother post on its own.
I've looked into other moving companies, the problem with that is that it looks like all the moving companies are trying to 1up each other or talk bad about each other or "WATCH OUT FOR THIS" so it's really confusing and really hard to know who's telling the truth about what and I know it could be as simple as just Googling these companies but so many call and email on a DAILY BASIS that it's like in the middle of everything else.... argh. You know?
The first moving company I contacted, which is a company I see around Central Florida a lot when people move quoted me $4200 for just my bedroom which includes like 8 pieces of IKEA furniture. That is INSANE. The other option they gave me was for $1500 but it would take my stuff 1-2 weeks to get there. I was pretty disappointed with this.
My boyfriend helped out a bit by finding me companies that would be much more affordable; the other place that contacted me would charge $1400 and my stuff would get there within 3 days. There's still a lot of other companies to look into however.
Right now (hopefully for the rest of this week) my main concern is sorting through all the makeup and little things I don't need or use anymore. Then moving on to the clothing I don't need or use anymore then I can start packing. So the faster I can sort through things the faster I can start packing!
So yes that is definitely going to be this week's goal!
It's that time of the year again...
Where we talk about #onelittleword.
This year my word is [ g r o w ].
I personally didn't pick this word, Penny picked it for me, but it was around the type of word I was looking for. And I think it fits pretty perfectly for what I hope to accomplish this year.
The last two years have been... a mess. A very very huge and complicated mess and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces and clean it up but it's going to take time --- a lot of time. And with that I can't make any huge life changes until then... which is really where the biggest struggle lies. I'm all about those big life changes (I am an Aries after all)!
But I'm going to give myself time this year. And patience. And I'm going to try to do better with trusting the process instead of being the impatient little girl I am fully capable of being 90% of the time.
I don't really have very many goals for this year... at least I haven't really thought of any. I suppose I'm trying to take a more realistic look at what I hope to accomplish this next year and nothing is coming to mind... for the first time ever. It's kinda relieving and a little sad.
- Read 36 books
- Blog more
- Take more pictures
- Be more organized
- Find more joy
- Try 5 new restaurants
- Learn more French
- Work on fixing everything --- one thing at a time
I'm sure as the year goes on I'll come up with more goals but for now, let's try and keep it as simple as we can.
I'm always so curious to look back and know what my best of was for the year and I'm sad to say that 2016 didn't really have a lot of when it came to that. My best nine wasn't that impressive either which was sad.
So here's to making more memories, finding more favorites and discovering more joys in 2017!
I know everyone says this about every month but I mean... seriously. Can you believe it's already SEPTEMBER?! Because I sure as hell can NOT. I feel like I wait entire lifetimes for this month to come around because I just love it so much!
September means Fall is right around the corner. Pumpkin Spice everything is coming out. The weather gets cooler (yes even here in Florida it does drop a little bit. But it's enough to get me excited!). Halloweeeeennnnnnn. Fall home decor, nuff said. Fall scents. Pumpkins. And everything spooky! It also means me and Nick have survived 5 months together --- without killing each other and Sophie's six month adoption day is this month! Yup! It's been six months since Sophie has found her forever home and she's very very loved here. Not just by Nick and I but also by Nick's sister and his mother. Little Soph has a legit family.
It's been awhile since I've done one of these posts but since Fall is when I feel the most alive I figured why not start it up again!
BLOGGING GOALS
→ Hit 300 followers on Twitter
→ Hit 300 followers on Instagram
→ Hit 500 followers on Facebook
→ Write more reviews
→ Get on a steady schedule
→ Touch up "About Me" page
→ Update layout theme to match the season
→ Have an idea of blogging content from now until December
→ Be more active on social media
→ Get back to networking (actually my favorite part)
PERSONAL GOALS
→ Read at least eight books this month
→ Get bills in order
→ Get WG in order
→ Tidy apartment
→ Turn in homework at least 3 days early
→ Drink more water
→ Learn. To. Budget. (I know, it's an ugly word but it has to be done)
→ Get back to meditation and night/morning yoga
→ Clear out B&BW candles
→ Create a ZEN atmosphere
→ Study gems and relay on their energy for help
→ Understand that if you need a day alone Nick WILL understand
→ STAY POSITIVE
I know this is a pretty long and probably unrealistic set of goals to accomplish by the end of the month. But hey, you know me! Most of my lists are! I just want to strive to be more productive, more focused and feeling better. Emotionally, mentally and physically. I still have a ton of healing to do due to my divorce but you know what, life won't stop for you. Life won't stop for anyone. Yeah the resentment and angry and sadness will be there but that doesn't mean I have to entertain it. That doesn't mean I have to allow it to get to me. I live a pretty darn good life and I have nothing to be mad or upset about. So my marriage didn't work out. So he's dating the chick who ruined our marriage and lives in another country. So they both never respected me anyway. I mean, these are all things that everyone --- including myself --- were already putting together so why is it all so surprising? Why should I let something that I assumed hurt just because now it's confirmed? And bottom line really is who cares? Life. Goes. On. and I refuse to spend another month, another week, another day, another minute of my life and my time giving something so worthless my energy.
So here's to a productive and focused Fall, welcome back Hazel.
A while back I was finding myself unhappy with being a University of Phoenix student. I began there in 2010 taking classes on campus for about 2 years since getting my general ed done at the community college was close to impossible! After that I began classes online since I moved to Florida. I was in the Communications & Marketing program and I took a few of the communications classes. While they were interesting they weren't exactly what I wanted. They were pretty much the general idea and nothing scared me more than graduating from college, getting a job and not knowing what the heck anyone was talking about!
So I looked into other online schools, Full Sail always being in the back of my mind because of how they are so technology based. So one night I was about done with school and called up Full Sail. Got some information, started the enrollment process, took a tour of the most amazing and beautiful campus I've ever seen and within about a week I was in my first class.
It's a general Digital Literacy class, so nothing super hard. Our first actual assignment was to find our "digital identity" and produce something to illustrate it. I originally wanted to make a vlog but as I was rereading the instructions, it became clear that's what what the assignment was calling for. Instead I came up with this.
I tried using a 2.0 web tool they suggested (I forgot the name at this point) and it was so frustrating so I ended up just doing this on Photoshop instead.
While it gives you a good idea of what I do on the internet and the things that have influenced me, it seems as though my class only noticed one aspect of my image.
I ended up being the one who had the most replies, by the end of the week it was at 21. And the entire thread is spent talking about Kingdom Hearts then moved on to video games in general. Companies, games, consoles... it just really amused me. Thanks guys haha.
So now we're (naturally) into week 2. It's more based on group work and a bunch of other confusing things but I'm having a blast doing these assignments and getting to know other people. The lectures are nice as they're streamed and you're able to ask the teacher questions in the chat box.
So here's to week 2!
I was browsing through Google+ and realized I did nothing with my page because I forgot I moved. So my Google+ page was pretty much empty and I happened upon a friend from France that is impossible to keep in contact with. Cyril, if you're reading this, yes, I'm talking about you. I miss you. TALK TO ME lol.
I'm getting anxiety just thinking about this topic because I didn't know when to write it or what to say or anything. It's 8PM and I should be eating dinner, folding laundry and doing homework but all I can think about is this big huge thing I need you guys to know because it's this big huge thing that is happening that I can't just pretend it's not.
This was a picture taken on my 29th birthday.
Five years ago last month in December I got married. Eleven years ago this month I started officially dating my best friend. We were always best friends, we never lied to each other and while things weren't perfect they weren't really worth bringing up or fighting over. But maybe they were and maybe things would had been different if they would had been brought up.
Last May M started lying and hiding things from me. Last month he changed all his passwords (even though I literally made all of his email and social media accounts). There's a lot more that goes into that but I don't want to talk about the details here, because while this is my lifestyle blog and this is a big part of my life, I don't want that energy here. If you want to know more then click here for my mental health blog where I'll be breaking it down sometime. I haven't really decided when.
Last month after months of trying to fix things, and understand things better... at the end of the day it ended up all the same --- me with my feelings hurt. Me crying all night. Me with my heartbroken. Him not home until 3AM. Me self harming. I was spiraling down a hole I had been in for such a long time as a teenager and I thought I was okay. I thought I would be okay. Ten years and I'm not. I'm literally fuckin back to where I started.
So I called it quits. I couldn't do it anymore. One person can't try while the other keeps doing what hurts someone. And he just didn't and still doesn't get it. You hear about people getting divorced all the time and you think it's just this thing, like the only thing that hurts would be walking away. But it's so much more than that when you're in it. It's like pain, everywhere. Resentment, everywhere. Questions that don't have answers, everywhere. And it's all in your face swirling around you and all you can do is try not to let those thoughts and those feelings get the best of you because you're fucked if you do.
I don't know how I feel. At first I was angry, BEYOND angry. Then I was sad. Really really sad. Then I was angry again. Then I just didn't care anymore. It's gotten to the point where he's lied so much I don't believe anything he says so I just don't talk to him. I don't trust him. I don't spend time with him if I don't have to. I don't try to be his friend. Cause we're not. We're not friends. And the fact that I'm across the country from my family with a brand new apartment to just have this drop on me... I'm trying the best I can to stay busy and positive.
So there, there's my bare it all raw entry.
I'm in the process of getting divorced and I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm resentful, I'm happy, I'm relieved, I'm scared, I'm confident, I'm drowning, I'm fighting stay above water... I'm disappointed I think, more than anything. To know that after all we've been through... one thing or one person had the ability to make him lie to me. Straight to my face. Over and over. And that's not okay. I know I'm suppose to be this really positive person and I try but honestly, I hope she gets attacked by a Koala and burns in hell. And the other girl? I hope she burns in hell too. For your husband to let some 19 year old call you a crazy bitch for a week and not defend you? Yeah, you both can go to hell.
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