We are in the 4th month of the year. That's 2 months away from hitting mid-year. I recently learned that time indeed seems to pass faster the older you get because of the things you've already experienced. It's really interesting and also really scary in a mind fuck kind of way. Not at all comforting.

It's my birth month and usually I celebrate my birthday all week. Since moving to Texas, I have not and it's making my soul itch, if you know what I mean. The older I get, the more I want to move back into my "you can't tell me how to live my life" era because since I fund my own life, I should be in control of my own life and my own time. It would only make sense.

I'm not here to even attempt to romanticize April, as much as I want to. Because let's be real -- April means rain and rain anywhere other than Florida is miserable. April means the bugs are suddenly more comfortable coming outside. April means Spring which means allergens are ready to wreck yo face. As pretty and as girly it is to romanticize April, I'm not going to bother this year. Hop on Pinterest if you're looking for that. Or Threads, it's all over the place.

Instead, I'm going to give myself the low spoonie goal + hope guide for my 41st year. And goodness, has it been a long one already.

        | celebrate your birthday your way

That means, fuck what anyone else has to say!! Do you boo, it's your day. Your week. YOUR MONTH. Be as loud as you use to be.

| declutter items not spaces

I read that decluttering items like clothes or shoes or like specific things like that instead of area's or rooms or drawers can be less overwhelming. And I kinda see how that's a thing.

| go back to eating more greens and adding more iron rich foods to your meals again

I hate that I lost sight of this. Depression does some weird shit but changing my diet was uncalled for lol. I'm usually really good about eating iron rich foods, whole foods, healthy fats, all that stuff. Texans don't believe in healthy eating and I don't know why I even let that get to me. Don't like it? Don't eat it. But leave me the fuck out of it. I know my body and I know what I stick to long before any of this, so step off, thanks.

| do what you can to create your cozy space

Walking into your room should feel like a deep breath. It should uplift your spirits every time you set foot. It should reflect who you are as far as fandoms, colors and scents. Do all the things you use to do to create your sanctuary of a room when you first moved out.

| figure out how to take 4k videos of Switch games

I really want to start making Pokopia and Mario videos but also Animal Crossing. I low key miss playing that but every time I get on I want to redo my entire island. But there are so many Pokopia videos I want to make! The base Switch capture isn't that great, which is sad since we're on the Switch2 now. Like? When did the image quality go down? I do stream and play on pc with my capture card that has a 4k setting. I'd just... have to figure out how to use it lol.

I'm also debating on installing Streamlabs on my MacBook Neo, but like... would that be a bit much?? It's not like I game heavy on it or anything. Or even at all. The games I usually play on my phone or iPad aren't optimized for the MacBook, does it stop me from trying? No. Is Steam installed on my MacBook? Yes.

| gentle self discipline

Do one thing for future you. Rebuild without guilt -- no matter how long it may take or how slow you may move. 

Slow movement is better than no movement - Kai Cenat

The two can co-exist, why not? Rebuilding does seem scary, especially after everything that's happened but you were this sort of person before any of this happened, before anything. You even majored and graduated in social media, like, come on. Stop it! You're good at what you do, you need to stop acting otherwise.

It's your birth month and if you don't celebrate big for you then who will? We know this already, again stop acting like you don't know. Be you. The loud, unhinged, unapologetic you.

How is it already Winter?! Wasn't it just Fall?! Time passes so much more faster as an adult and the fact that this is literally a fact blows my mind. How unfair. Wish someone had told me this was another side effect of adult hood lol.

Texas weather is crazy; we've gone from 30's and next week we're going back up to 80's. Clearly Texas doesn't play by seasonal themes. At all. Which wouldn't be so wild if it at least didn't make it Winter and Summer in one week.

I attempted to do holiday photos yesterday and it went... not as I expected what so ever. But at least I attempted, I guess? It's super difficult with kids who like to randomly just run off for any given reason. Like, this is why parents have those leash bags. Crazy kids. 

drink hot cocoa

see holiday lights

go ice skating

bake holiday cookies

refresh my gaming set up 

make one cocktail drink 

re-evaluate my shops & businesses for 2026

do a deep in my soul purge of non joyful things

It's now mid December and this post is late. December is always a crazy month for content creators, I've always had trouble juggling blogmas, vlogmas, reading, reviewing and trying new eats. Add in being a parent to very active kiddos and running several businesses... yeah it can be a lot lol. But I love what I do, which is why I've been doing it for over 20 years now, happily.

November wasn't as cozy as it could had been, but it was full of things that caught me by surprise and brought joys through out the month.

I also treated myself to a Switch 2 even though I said I wouldn't until the update for Animal Crossing comes out in January but the chance came up to grab one so I did, I deserve it! Working on your shit pays off, and the ability to get myself these two upgrades makes me feel so much more accomplished lol. 

It's been a productive month of blind boxes.

I found some Sanrio ones I was searching for in Plano and had to get them all. Or rather, two or three of each. The Tamagotchi Sanrio one on the top right I had to buy another 3 of because my kiddos stole my other haul of them. These are so cute they light up and they make really cute bag charms. I definitely need to get more! The Pochacco on the bottom right had to be straight up hidden because they would fight over him. So he's hiding on my bookshelf in my room right now lol. I haven't opened the others yet, I'm debating if I want to do unboxing blind box reels.

I blame working at Disney World and at D-Street when blind box Vinylmations was a huge thing. Ah, I miss those days and I miss working there. It was so much fun!

I do love my girls share the excitement and love of blind boxes and aren't sore losers about getting doubles. I just wish they wouldn't lose them lol! 

November was full of Wicked stuff naturally.

Ironically my 6yo was the one who was trying to convince me to go watch it. Act II isn't my favorite. I only like the first part with No Good Deed but everything else having to do with The Wizard I could care less for. Oh, and I want to see the slap happen.

It did hit a point where I was like how much Wicked stuff is TOO MUCH Wicked stuff? The 6yo picked up Wicked bath bombs and all the Glinda bubble bar from LUSH since it doubles as a bubble wand which is pretty cool. I picked up the skincare stuff which smells amazing. I hate how most of these collections at LUSH are super limited edition. I still have the Elphaba glitter broom bath bomb from the collection last year sitting on my shelf and I refuse to use it.

Compartes would do a Wicked collab. They even have an advent calendar on their website. I found these chocolate bars at World Market. There were several others but these were the flavors I was most drawn to. I'll probably put up reviews or a taste test reel up on my foodie blog. 

I haven't had an urge to get on social media all year and tbh, my nervous system has been just a bit more settled since. As someone who's been on social media and doing social media since 1999 and been on Instagram since it was iOS only in 2011, I am burnt out ya'll lol. I love sharing photos and things but on Instagram isn't it anymore for me. Plus with the rise of them just randomly deleting accounts? Yeah, nah. I'm not putting all that time and energy into something I can't control anymore. I've debated on going old school and getting back on Flickr lol. There's Behance but it's only for those with an Adobe Creative Cloud membership -- which isn't such a bad idea at this point. I have always hated the idea of TikTok, I don't know why. Maybe because I'm a Vine-er forever and TikTok is just a bootleg version of Vine lol.

I did find that studies show that being on TikTok does throw your nervous system, if I find the article again I'll come back and link it here.

 Like I mentioned, my gaming pc can now run Infinity Nikki.

I have so many thoughts about this game. I mean, it's a gatcha game so I mean, what could go wrong? My bank account says a lot lol. The fact you have to gatcha 2-3 of each outfit in order to upgrade it is nuts but so so addicting. And tbh I've been overly obsessed with gatcha games since the days of Neopets and GoGaia. Which weren't even games exactly, they were just websites that took your money lmao!

This game is beautiful and the game play itself is wonderfully done. There's SO much to do for a game that is focused on fashion quests and style off's. It's perfect for people like me who love to gather, craft and hunt for resources. The downside is that you cap your insights daily and they're time gated. So something takes weeks to get sometimes. Patience isn't my thing lmao. 

I enjoyed the whole story line with Giovanni and completing the Itzland quests. That whole section was really heartwarming. 

 I still have my eyes on this Oregon Trail ornament because how freakin cute?! If you were a 90's kid and played this on those pc's that only operated in black and green, you know how this tugs at your memories lol! I played it for awhile on my Switch and as an adult, it's much more stressful lmao. But hey, no one's died yet.

Speaking of Switch, I'm so against buying Switch 2 games. I mean $70 a game? In this economy? Ya'll are trippin. I'm thankful that most Switch games come with a free Switch 2 upgrade. I was recently gifted Paper Mario and I'm so excited to play this one! I've wanted it since it was released. 

My 6yo has the same habit as her dad when gaming: she looks at me in game when she's talking to me. I don't remember what we were talking about other than her demanding I get in the car in Roblox. Our Roblox game play is so random and chaotic lol. However she always comes up with the cutest looks and outfits.

November was of course spent decorating for Christmas! This year I went full on glitter. Nutcrackers are a thing I collect and this gold glitter one from Target has been one of my favorite new decor item's I've picked up this year.

Picked up a few of my favorite holiday snacks: I do miss when the Linzer Raspberry cookies had powered sugar on top of them, wonder why they stopped doing that. The Holiday Cookie Collection has been one of my favs since I was a kid but it was the asian market version. Same thing lol! The cookie sprinkled with coconut shavings is my favvvvv... so good.

I introduced the girls to the Terry's chocolate orange and I regret it lmao. In the month of Nov I bought maybe 4 of these because they kept jacking mine and eating it all. Ugh lol. My dad introduced these to me as a kid. I thought the concept of smacking it was so funny and now my kids do the same. 

Overall, November gave me a lot to be thankful for -- even if I didn't get to take my annual Disney World trip this year. I was surrounded by other little joys and things that helped calmed my nervous system as well as things I really needed to upgrade for the sake of my businesses so I can't really complain.

I'm lucky to be able to have and do the things I do, annually my kids take Disney World trips twice a year and that's way more than I got to take at their age, so I'm truly thankful to be able to gift my kids with those memories and experiences as they grow. 

Now to work our way through December and all the challenges that come with the holidays, time management and everything else.

I hope you all are staying warm and cozy this season! 

There are a number of things that I look forward to when all the Fall & Halloween collections start rolling out and Lush is one of them.

Over the years the collection has had some slight variations but the pumpkin crumble bubble bars and the ghostie bath bombs come back. 

This year they had a hollow pumpkin bath bomb that doubles as a tea light holder! I'm not sure how exactly that's suppose to work but you're suppose to put a tea light IN the pumpkin and after the tea light goes out you put the pumpkin in the bath...?

Don't worry, it's not an aff link, but ya'll need to see this.

 I don't know, I didn't grab one but I'm seeing this has become a trend of theirs in 2025, for sure. Weeiiirrrd concept. Since I no longer have a bathtub in my bathroom, I couldn't enjoy any of the bath bombs this time around, or the bubble bars, though I could had made the bubble bars work if I wanted to. Maybe treat the bath bombs like shower bombs? That seems like a bit of a reach though and it may dye my shower.

I did pick up a Pumpkin Spice Latte body wash (it has glitter) and a Snow Fairy body lotion because come on, once Snow Fairy hits shelves, I HAVE to pick it up. It's a must. I still miss the Snowcake soap they use to have, I can't believe they got rid of it.

Lush during Fall is one of the best things to see. All the pops of oranges and black. The vibe in there being extra cozy and all the delicious smelling soaps on display. It's definitely one of my favorite times of the year when walking into a Lush!

What are some things you typically pick up from Lush during this time of the year, or want to pick up? 

It's finally Fall.

Though here in Texas, you wouldn't be able to tell. I tend to dwell in states that don't exactly have a Fall, in Fall. But it's okay, because as long as I know in spirit that it's Fall, I'll be good.

I was looking back  at my previous Fall Bucket Lists through out the years and it's kind of cool to see what I had planned in the years before. Wish I had one for every previous year, but I can also see why I didn't. Regardless, looking back at all your previous favorite things is kinda cool.

This year the list is going to be a bit simple, ending up sick the in ER early in October really pressed me for time for the things I wanted to do, but it's fine. Technically Fall is still a thing in November. 

1. Drink a Pumpkin Spice Latte

I refuse to drink the Starbucks in stores one because I'm still mad they ruined my favorite drink a few years ago by changing the recipe. I did try the one at Krispy Kreme recently and liked it. I've also been making my own at home every morning while I make Winnie her pancakes. It's a nice little routine to myself that I've been looking forward to at 6am. 

2. Bake something + make cozy soup

Tums has been asking to bake something with me and as a former pastry chef, I feel like I should. I haven't actually baked anything in forever and it's sad to see how much time has passed since, but I'm excited to share something I loved as a kid with her.

I also want to make my cozy soup -- well not mine, but one my mom made a lot when I was growing up on rainy days. It's one of my more simple ultimate comfort foods and one of the few things my mom makes that I know how to make, I owe it to myself and my inner child to make it more often this cozy season.

3. Go to a Pumpkin Patch

An actual like the ones you'd go to as a field trip in elementary school. I mean we have pumpkin patches here, but I want to go to like a field full of pumpkins just to see the excitement on Winnie's face. She loves pumpkins. I can't come up with any good OOTD outfits for this Fall, I remember when I had a ton of outfits. I wonder where half of them are. Cause I haven't seen anything I like in stores in the last few years.

Aerie use to be my go to, but even they haven't had anything good lately. Their sweats and lounge wear though? Still top notch.

4. Find crunchy leaves

Okay, this one is going to be harder to do I think. It's a bit harder to find crunchy leaves out here in actual Fall. It's a bit easier to find them in Jan and Feb, but I love taking crunchy leaves photos!  I mean, honestly, who doesn't.

5. Read a cozy Fall book

I haven't made my annual Oct TBR post yet, but I've started reading a few titles. Right now I'm sucked into Wayward by Emilia Hart and The Girl with No Reflection by Keshe Chow. As much as I love multiple time lines in books, I hate when I have one character I'd rather know more about and find myself skimming the other pov's just to get back to the one I really want to know about.

TGWNR starts off questionable and a bit creepy. But it's so gripping that I just need to know what the fuckin hell is going on. I don't know why it took me so long to pick this one up -- probably because I forgot I bought it. Books tend to just get buried in my Kindle library.

I still need to finish House of Salt & Sorrow, I was creeped out by the younger sister drawing that disturbing picture but man, it was getting so good. Reading creepy books is the best in the Fall when the days are shorter and I swear the nights are darker.

What are some things this season you want to do or see? I'd love to know in the comments below! 

Being 40 marks the 10 year anniversary of this blog; since then it's gained over 8k views a month even without me posting as regularly as I use to. You guys really search for Bath & Body Works candle reviews and that's great. I love that. I didn't expect that to happen when I started this blog.

Whoever said 40 is the new 20 was a damn liar. 

In terms of understanding yourself, those around you and being more self aware -- those things happen as you age, at least you can hope it happens for some people though I know a lot of people personally who aren't and it's a bit worrying. 

• Everything health wise puts you in the severe category, it's fun. Your health status reminds you that your body is actively planning your downfall 
• Your energy levels are non existent. Or maybe it's just me and my soul, will report back on that later
• You approach preimenopause and it. is. hell. here. literally, the hot flashes and night sweats make you feel like you just came back from hell everyyyy morning
• The brain fog... ooh girllllllll THE BRAIN FOG makes me feel like I'm meeting myself all over again like this is some kind of fucked up 50 First Dates shit. Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic, but it's pretty annoyingly shitty
• Leaving the house when it's over 85* outside in Texas, is a helllllllllllllllll no because I'm already getting hot flashes so why the fuck would I go out in that
• Your patience is non existent. You freely pop off at people because who cares, people will talk about you anyway so you might as well make it worth it that and like, people really just need to be told to stfu I guess otherwise they won't
• Face sun spots. I see them, everywhere. I use to see them on my dad, ask what was that. Why was his skin like that (he said it was because he popped his pimples also when he was younger), my pores are like, growing and if I hated them in my 20's, I HAAAAAAAATE them now but I see my dad's skin when I look at my own and it's such a bittersweet thing
• Your paranoia is in fuckin overdrive. And it's ridic what it comes up with. I use to do exactly what it told me not to do just to shut it up (in case you were wondering how I ended up working for Disney or you know, jumping states so freely), and I guess I could still do that but maybe it's all other things considered -- health wise -- that I'm not ready to just jump on a plane and tell my brain to fuck itself
• You don't digest food like you use to... and it gets worse the older you get. It's so fun. Eating something that you USUALLY eat and like, either get bubble fuckin guts or you break out in hives. It's a toss up how your safe food will fuck you up as you age

You also get hit with this insane kind of self awareness. Self awareness of the roots and causes of your trauma and how it's probably caused your physical ills. It's a very uncomfortable thing to realize, makes you feel helpless how to help yourself. And sad for not knowing or figuring it out sooner. But I guess it's better than going your whole life unaware and not being able to "fix" it.  

Maybe.

I haven't really figured out the solution, I know I will, it's just going to take some time. 

 We are half way through the year and I'm disappointed in myself in just how much I have not healed. I need to understand that healing is not linear and falling back into an endless cycle does not mean I'm a failure, that it's just part of the process. The thing is I don't blog/journal like I use to where I would brain dump and make sense of things through writing. Without that I feel... lost. Trying to face things without writing them down for me, feels pointless. But at the same time, I don't feel like sharing that much of myself and business out there anymore. Not every "friend" is a friend and not every person who seems like they care and have your best interest at heart, actually does.

You don't heal from shutting yourself off, you heal by choosing who deserves your trust.

I've spent a lot of the first half of the year and bits of the last part of last year in the ER for various reasons. I've been kept overnight almost every single time. I'm being forced to be face to face with a health concern that I've been aware of but never aware of just how bad it was because nothing came up about it until... now.

And in the mist of finding out about that and how badly it has escalated, I was presented with a handful of other health concerns that I'd really rather not talk or think about at the moment. I'll deal with it when it gets here.

That being said, I haven't had much time to discover new favs. Not like I use to. I do miss searching and finding new things to try and love. But I've been too distracted to even think about going out, nor do I have much energy to do all that right now. 

My husband has done more than usual from making sure the kids leave me be on days that are harder than others. Bringing me breakfast on his way home from taking the kiddo to school on days I have to take my iron. Those days are the worst because I end up so drained.

However there are a few things I kept going back to in the month of May, and through it's not some big exciting epic list, it's still things that brought me joy in the month of May.

This isn't going to be an organized typical blog post. It's going to be messy and probably out of order. I just decided to write this after debating if I should or not -- because today, nine years ago, was a day that killed a part of me that I didn't know existed. 

My first pregnancy happened nine years ago and it was very painful, very uncomfortable and very short lived. My boyfriend at the time saw the pregnancy test and the first thing he said when he saw it was "we need to find an abortion clinic." he didn't even ask me what I wanted. And he literally spent the rest of that day sending me links to various abortion clinics telling me to get this done.

I was completely heartbroken at his reaction. And it only got worse. I threw up maybe 3-5 times a day. I couldn't stomach anything. I couldn't even look at food. My motion sickness was insanely rough. Smells made me throw up. I had no energy to do anything. And I was on my own. Every time I threw up, there he was commenting "what a waste of food" or "my aunt was able to do laundry and clean while pregnant, you're just using this as an excuse."

When I started expressing I couldn't do this, I didn't feel right ending a pregnancy, he would get angry and he would literally slam me on the floor saying I needed to stop acting like a child and get this done. I brought it up 3 times and each time I was met with the same anger.

I can't even begin to express how hopeless and helpless I felt. I had no help, I was too far away from anyone I knew. He had me move an hour away from Orlando and anyone who could help me. Being forced to get this done was horrible. I got an ultrasound photo and I have no idea where it went. I wouldn't be surprised if he threw it away. I was told the baby was healthy with a strong heartbeat that I got to see.

My heart broke. Completely. Utterly. Broke. 

When I was sent back to the waiting room, I protested again that I couldn't do this. And he screamed at me in the waiting room telling me if I don't get this done driving out there would had been a waste of time and gas (that he didn't even pay for -- the gas or the abortion fees). 

The actual day of the abortion was Father's Day that year and he left me home alone to deal with this alone to go spend Father's Day with his grandfather. He wasn't home when the symptoms prior to passing the fetus happened. He wasn't home when I passed the fetus. He wasn't home when I sat on the bathroom floor, bleeding and crying. He didn't ask me how I was, didn't check on me all day, and came home acting like it was just another day.

He also had failed to pay the phone bill prior to this so my phone was off. I couldn't call my parents, I couldn't call for help. This is why I only text my mom on Facebook Messenger now. I wish they had the ability to call back then, maybe I wouldn't had felt so helpless and alone.

After all that was said and done, just looking at him disgusted me. I had no idea what postpartum depression was at the time, I had no resources, no help. But looking back at it now, I absolutely fell into a deep dark postpartum. He expected me to keep the house clean, to play some sort of weird ass home keeper now that I was "feeling better". As if I was just getting over a flu or something. 

I ended up leaving my ex, after he wouldn't leave my damn house. With him telling me I was lazy and useless because "I haven't done anything since the abortion". I told him "you feel your baby die inside you and tell me how you'd go on." he replied with "you're so full of shit, you never even wanted kids so I don't know why you're acting like a child right now." 

Triggered is an understatement. Angry, is an understatement. I was so much of both that I didn't even respond. I just blocked him and kept him blocked. For years. He's still blocked, actually. 

The silver lining is that I would meet my future husband in just a few days. Someone who's helped me navigate and allowed me space to mourn. Someone who would end up in the delivery room with me twice. I have two very adorable, smart, loving and compassionate girls. 

If you had told me 9 years ago today that it'll be okay, I wouldn't had believed you. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

I think of the baby I never got to meet. The baby that was taken from me. And while I don't fall into a crying mess as much now than I have before, it's something that is burned into my soul. Something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. 

There is no justice. There is no battle. There is nothing I can do about what happened. As much as I wish there was something I could do, there isn't. 

 I wonder how many of these Hello June blog posts exist on this blog. I do wish I had continued to consistently blog here... but between getting distracted from other blogs on different platforms and being a highly emotional driven person... that just wasn't happening. And I can't beat myself up for that, life is life and consistency in the things we like to do isn't always going to happen. And that is totally okay. Especially when it comes to creating content; content creating is already hard and emotionally taxing as it is, doing it when you're depressed or in a bad place in your life feels impossible. 

Granting myself grace has never been easy, and I honestly have never done it. I always expect the most from myself because I know what I'm capable of... but in the moments where I just can't, I shouldn't punish myself.

This blog generates its own traction of thousands of views a month, I assume because it's been here for over ten years. But whatever it is, I'm glad for the views I do get, especially in the months I don't post anything.

I've told myself for the last 2 years I was going to work on healing and each time those plans didn't happen because I have too big of a heart. I can feel myself reverting back to that person who just didn't care as much as she did, and that's not really who I want to be. I care, naturally. That's just who I am. I'm trying to learn to not let other people's deflections, or their demons define me. I'm trying to learn that people act the way they act because of who they are. There's no reasoning or hoping for change, and change that isn't done for yourself is just a show.

This month I want to focus on healing my nervous system as much as I can. Learn how to move forward without still being angry about what's behind me. I want to laugh more. I want to find more things I love. I want to discover new snacks and foods, because that's what makes me happy. I want to share those or taste test them with my kiddo or my husband because that too makes me happy. 

I want to go back to falling in love with books, stories that move and change me. I want to go back to writing like I'm running out of time. I want to discover more music. Play more games that I find myself searching their hashtags for on IG in the middle of the night.

I want to open a new shop, one that no one really knows or will know about. I want to create art for myself and the people who find and resonate with it.  

I want to keep more about myself, to myself. I've always been a pretty open book and on my blogs, I don't exactly regret that... you don't heal from shutting yourself away, you heal by being more mindful of who deserves your trust and energy. But when it comes to people who know me in real life, I want to keep more of myself and struggles to myself. They've been weaponized by so many people I know in real life that it became extremely discouraging. My husband gave me advice that I still think about today after I had left for the second time: "it doesn't matter how much you cry, beg or bleed, some people just don't care." I don't talk about my husband as much as I should, I use to have him all over this blog. But for someone who's had zero experience with ocd, anxiety and depression... he's good at sensing when something is wrong and he's quick to apologize if he knows it's something he did on accident. I get endless cuddles, hugs and  tickles from him and the babies when I'm sad. He's taught them how to be gentle with me and my heart as well. I'm truly thankful.

I would say I want to start cooking, but I always say that and it doesn't happen. I use to be really into Hello Fresh when I'd get Sunday's to myself and I would cook. Or I'd have my husband cook them. And we've discovered so many good ones through Hello Fresh. 

I want to start blogging my weekend recaps and my monthly favs again. Along with some of the girls favs as well. I want to revamp my motherhood blog and motherhood accounts.

I want to go back to streaming and talking about video games I love. I shouldn't let someone else's opinion define what brings me joy, especially if that person themselves have no idea what the heck I'm doing or even talking about.

This month I want to work on reclaiming my joys and the things I love doing. I'm honestly excited for myself and I can't wait to see where this will take me.

What are your goals for June?

I am having so much fun with my ChatGPT and I don't ask for personal themed images or prompts too much but I had to for today and I'm so in love with what it came up with!

 And yes, I'm on the Sith side.

I'd go into my fucked up history with May The Fourth but that now feels like a whole lifetime ago, things that no long and will never again apply. Things that were unfair that have no relevance in my life now or in the last 8 years.

What you ask for will not be too much for someone who cares about you and your happiness.

The last 8 years, May The Fourth has been a holiday in this household. Complete with us dressed in Star Wars merch, my husband makes a whole spread of foods and snacks Star Wars themed and we watch a Star Wars movie.

It started with just me and him in 2016, two states apart and haven't even met yet. He had pizza sent to my apartment and bought me 1, 2, and 3 and made a weekend of it. Because he knew how much I loved Star Wars.

And after moving to Texas from Florida, has made it a point to celebrate it with me. We have yet to spend one of these at Disney World but honestly, I enjoy our personal celebration much better than going to the parks.

This is Winn's second May The Fourth and Tum's sixth one.

And yes she knows Star Wars characters and claims she loves Star Wars. Going to Galaxy's Edge with her was definitely something else. She held my hand through Rise of the Resistance and was telling me "mama don't be scared, the drop isn't that bad." as she screamed louder than I did when it happened. She's the sweetest little ride buddy, for sure. She's so compassionate and tries to make me feel safe. It's so cute.

Thank you Bubba, for making today one of my favorite days of the year. I truly truly appreciate the ways you try to change memories. It couldn't had been easy for you, but you make it look so easy.

I can't wait to see what's on the menu for today! 

Do you celebrate May The Fourth?

I am thankfully feeling less sick, the maintenance needed to keep me feeling normal sucks. But it is what it is and I don't think fixing this earlier would had made much of a difference, it was going to catch up to me sooner or later. I write it off as part of getting older. It has forced me to focus my life in places that should had taken priority the last few years, and didn't.

I have also been back on working on my usual hustle, it's much more challenging this time around for sure... mostly because the excitement of starting has faded, obviously, and because I now have 2 kids instead of 1 to keep track of while working... or struggling to work.

While it can be challenging, it is also very rewarding.

May Goals;

| Prep for May The Fourth

May The Fourth is something me and my husband celebrate every year since we got together in 2016. Sometimes we go all out and other times we just spend the day watching Star Wars movies and eating pizza. Now with 2 kiddos, we tend to go all out. I do appreciate that he takes this day seriously for me since I've had some horrible memories associated with it in the past.

But it's a day I look forward to every year. 

| Add 4 new products to each shop

I have a habit of working on things and just... never posting them lol. I know that makes zero sense, and honestly I can't figure out why I do this either, but I do and I need to stop. I miss the days I would just post/go for it and not even think twice. It's like the perfection of things matters when it really shouldn't.

People won't find you if you don't make yourself known. 

| Work on getting Shopify up & running

Me and Shopify have a very long and complicated relationship. There is so much flexibility with Shopify and so much more control over your business... but you're on your own to market without the help of Etsy's search bar. And because there is so much more freedom with how you design your Shopify shop, it can get overwhelming really fast.

However, at this point, I'd like to have that freedom and flexibility. 

| Write. More. Gaming. Posts

Again with the taking content and not posting lol. I demo and play a lot of games, especially ones that are in Early Release with the intention of making content and writing about it. It's just... the posting I struggle with lol! A recent trauma has played a part in that for sure, but I'm trying to push passed it.

I started writing for me, and I started long before I met people who discouraged and put me down about it. I started long before they could even learn to type. My audience does not include them, so why let something so small and insignificant stop me from doing something I love?

People who hate on you for your hobbies and interests when they could never even understand what you do is diabolical and says more about their own lack of hobbies and interests than it does about yours. Creators and creatives don't sit around and bash other creatives, that's what sets us apart from the rest.

| Purge kids outgrown clothes 

My husband found some newborn clothes mixed into our stuff. Not sure how or why they were there, but they were and it made us wonder what else is lurking in the clothing piles lol. I know I have some of Tums older stuff in one of my hampers from the last place, so I plan on going through that this month and purging the stuff that doesn't fit me or the girls anymore.

At 40, I feel the need to purge different areas of my space and my life. I think every 10 to 20 years it's good to take a look at your life and see how far you've come, where you want to go and who you want to be and adjust accordingly.

I miss doing the things I use to do effortlessly, like reading and blogging. Taking amazing product shots and working with companies. However I want to add create my own company to the list of things I've done and accomplished as well. And while my main shop has been down for some years now, I'm not done with it just yet.

So here's to a productive May and achieving the goals I set out for myself at 40.

I lost this blog & domain for a few months. I lost access to the Instagram account a while back and so I have to start over a new one. There goes 13 years of hard work just gone, because people can't seem to stfu and mind their damn business.

 I figured hazearella needed a rebrand since I turned 40 this year and I pretty much started this blog about 10 years ago. A lot has changed in the last 10 years. More than I would had ever expected.

I'm not a huge fan of the blogger platform like I use to be and so I made another blog on wordpress, along with a new Instagram name. When it's all set and ready, I'll be adding the link to either this post or making a whole different post for it.

 For now, welcome back to hazearella :)

It's November.

November.

Meaning the year is pretty much over. That is insane. I hate how the holidays are so close together, like there's all this time to prep for Halloween but then it comes to Thanksgiving then Christmas. So when exactly is the window of time to prep for Christmas?! 

I normally start Nov 1st, but with the girls more aware of time, we don't want to confuse them. We have made some moves towards prepping for Christmas but we also still have a long way to go. Hell this post is way later than it usually is. 

I would say that I'm not going to pack my November with an insane amount of goals, but it's November, let's be real. My November's are usually crazy.

 Plus, it's Wicked movie month and this family has already gotten their Wicked wardrobe's together thanks to Bubba. Literally so excited.

| Christmas prep

Obviously. This includes the girl's room and all the TV stands. I really want to get Nutcrackers at the door, but with these kids? Not possible. Sadly. I do plan on having fairy lights literally all over the place. The ones with timers cause fuck electric bills in Texas with its clueless weather. Plus with daylight saving being what it is, and how it takes me forever to adjust to it, I figure this would be a fun way to do that.

Bubba lined the under part of the counter with an LED strip that we keep on at night, it's super pretty.

| Find something to bake

I really want to attempt macarons but that's going to take some time. And maybe a day to myself. I also want to find something to bake with Tums, she's been asking to bake something with me. She's been in such a helpful mood lately, I have no idea how I got so lucky with her. But I'm glad I did. She's an awesome big sister and she definitely makes everything much easier.

The least I can do is find something fun for us to bake on the weekends.

| Find Thanksgiving outfits

I usually just stay home on Thanksgiving and let the girls and Bubba go to his family's. But this year I've been trying to make it a point to be around more. I appreciate everything his family has done for me the last year and all they ever ask is that I share my time with them, esp on the holidays.

Bubba is usually in charge of finding the girls their Thanksgiving outfits. But since we're skipping Disney World this year (me and Tums are very sad about this) I figure it gives more room to spend that money elsewhere, especially for the holidays. 

As for me, I think I already have my outfit.

| Work on Christmas stickers

To be honest, Christmas doesn't really make my list of favorite holidays. So when it comes to designing things for the shop, I typically skip the holiday themed stuff. If anything, I only have Filipino holiday themed products. Only because it helps me feel a little closer to home, I guess. I do need to do a better job of exposing the girls to Filipino holiday traditions, just not sure where to start.

I do plan on working on some Final Fantasy holiday stickers... mostly because I want Final Fantasy holiday stickers for myself lol.

| Work on shop 2

 Shop 2 and I have a very complicated relationship right now. It is doing a great job of highlighting the things I still have yet to learn about everything. And while that is helpful, it's also very... frustrating. As is everything you're learning for the first time. I enjoy learning new things and I actually enjoy the frustration that comes with it.

So far I'm having a lot of fun with putting together Shop 2, it's just when I run out of idea's that I start to feel like an ant who's lost its colony and has no idea where to even go.

| Launch shop 3

Shop 3 is almost ready for launch. Actually, no, no it's not. But I really do want to launch it this month.

| Reorganize closet

This one is gonna take awhile. There's a lot to go through. And while my closet now has more open space, I don't feel it has... space. If that makes sense. I'm trying to find ways to make my stuff easier to find while still looking nice. The bigger problem is that I don't have anywhere to display my Loungefly bags the way this closet is set up. I'll figure out a way, somehow.

| Launch social's for new blog.. launch new blog

Due to some fucked drama that happened earlier this year, I've been finding less and less interest in Facebook and Instagram. I lost interest in IG a few years ago, but this event just made it so much worse. I actually lost access to the hazearella IG account, like, foreal. So there goes 14 years of work and building relationships and networks and... sigh. I take it as a sign that I needed to start over anyway, move on to something else.

I launched social media accounts for this blog elsewhere. On other platforms that encourage more engagement without being filtered.

The recent drama also forced me to start new blogs; I still hold on to this one because there's a lot here to look back on. But I've also launched a new review blog that I want to build, the 2024 way. It's been 10 years since I started hazearella and social media and blogging has changed a lot since then. I'm excited to start this new blog with the changes that the internet has made since starting hazearella.

| Read 3 books... please 

I wasn't able to do my annual October reading challenge this year, and that's fine. I wasn't going to stress myself about it. This year has been Hell. Not as much as 2023 was, but a fraction of it. I'm set on taking the healing process more seriously from now until 2025, the girls deserve to have the best version of me and I deserve to find the control of my emotions again and the joy of the things I love.

With that said, I want to read at least 3 books this month. At least enough to complete my 2024 reading challenge. Without the restriction of sticking to a certain genre. 

| All the recaps

I didn't have very many favorites this year, sadly. But I still want to get a start on getting my recap posts done and catching up on my Yelp, NetGalley and Amazon reviews.

| WATCH WICKED

I watched Wicked for the first time in 2009. Wizard of Oz has always had a special place in my life. Since then I've watched it a total of 14 times across 3 different states. I'm still friends with both the Fiyero's who played in the SF production from 2009-2010. Wicked changed my life for good. And I am so excited for seeing Wicked in a new way. And I love Ariana Grande! I'm so happy she landed the role of Glinda.

I met Bubba 8 years ago, what caught my attention was he was singing Defying Gravity in the voice chat. Since then he's built me a Wizard of Oz and Wicked shrine in every apartment we've had. And as I mentioned earlier, he's built me and both the girls a Wicked wardrobe since Wicked merch has released. 

I actually have not bought one Wicked themed merch since they started coming out. Bubba has bought them all for me. From the makeup to the clothes to the pj's to my Emerald City hairbrush. At this point, I'm about to defy gravity myself.

Oh he also got me cupcake mix where it'll either turn pink or green. I'm super excited to get into those!

Hopefully I can get through most of these this month. Here's to a hopeful chill, cozy and relaxing November.

Do you have any goals for this month?

The air is cooling, the leaves are -- wait, never mind. This is Texas. The air doesn't cool until mid November. And do our leaves even change color?! As much as I love living in hot states, sometimes I miss the smell and the crisp feel of Fall air. In the meantime, I'll just blast the AC in my apartment and pretend it's also cold outside.

Fall in my apartment starts in July, I'm running a bit late this year. Between trying to salvage my mental health, getting ready for Tums to start school and adjusting to Winnie being a total Muffin and skipping her naps, it's been a different kind of busy for me over here.

I started this blog 11 years ago and my life has drastically changed since then. I never thought I'd have kids, for starters. And I never thought I'd be one of those parents who were counting down the days until school started again. But here we are. A lot a lot can happen in ten years.

My life switched up just like how my ex husband decided to switch up on me one day lmao. Craaaazy. Shout out to my cousin Raena who never gave up on the idea that I'd have kids some day despite what I kept saying... girl you got your wish! You'll love Tums, she's literally a smaller me haha!

Fall is the only time I make a TBR, and while it's been a few years since I've actually been active with completing it, I still look forward to making a list of books I probably won't read. It's the little things in life.

This isn't a solid final list but a few titles I am hoping to read this Fall.

House of Salt and Sorrows is one that I put down after coming across a rather creepy scene. I really need to finish it. I want to finish it. It's so intriguing. The Twelve Dancing Princesses was never on my list of favorite fairy tales but I'm finding that I enjoy the retellings more than any other one. 

Into a Wicked World is one I just started and unlike Dorothy Must Die I'm really enjoying this one. I think this was renamed? Or, I don't know. I know I bought the previous version of it. I'm a little confused at what happened with that but they shared the same cover until they didn't.

Once Upon a Broken Heart has been on my TBR for far too long. That's it. That's the reason. Oh and it's a retelling by an author I enjoy.

Gallant is one I started on my last plane ride. I LOVED LOVED LOVED The Cassidy Blake series and would had thought I'd pick up more of V's books but then I gave birth and reading just hasn't really been a thing I have the luxury of doing. This one is just as captivating, I really hope I get around to finishing this one this year!

Belladonna was one I got from OwlCrate a few years ago and I keep planning on picking it up every Fall season but then I don't get around to it. Almost tempted to start this one first just so that doesn't happen this year lol.

The Book of Living Secrets is one I literally just found and picked up today as I was browsing GoodReads lists. It sounds super interesting and the cover was what really caught my attention.

Are there any books you tend to set aside for a certain season or holiday to read them?

I can't believe the month is already over! June went by so fast! a lot has been going on around here but not all of it deserves a place on my blog. June wasn't a big month for favs sadly… I've been battling depression the last few months and I think I'm finally in a much better head space now than I was back in April and May. Staying close to people who make you tel like you're not hard to love can really help the healing process. I'm not healed just yet, but I'm closer than I was.

If you have not noticed, I got rid of my IG for awhile and honestly, it’s been such a huge help with healing. Even if I finally did get invited to get paid per reel — my head wasn’t in it to worry about making reels. And that is fine. Tbh I hate making reels. I’d rather do something I actually enjoy than force myself to make content I’ll just dread. That never works out good for me… spiritually at least. 

It’s also moving season for me again, after skipping it for 2 years lol. But with the girls getting bigger — they definitely need a bigger space. Also I’m sick of toys literally everywhere. Just why?!

Well, I guess I lied.

I had a bit more favs in June than I thought I did...

 I thankfully got to celebrate my birthday like I usually do this year -- at Disney World. It's been a tradition to celebrate my birthday at Disneyland since I was 22. Then on my 25th birthday I started celebrating it at Disney World. I missed it the last 2 years because of... reasons. But now that that reason isn't around anymore, I'm free to celebrating my birthday the way I want.

It felt so good to go home after 2 years of being away. I miss my life in Florida all the time. I miss the weather. I miss my friends. I miss the ability to go to Disney when I want. I miss the little lizards you have to dodge in the Spring when their eggs hatch. I miss the weird Florida wildlife that always confused and surprised me. My life was always busy and exciting when I was in Florida. And it's just the one place I'm ever really truly happy.

Being there with both my girls? Even better. I had the best time. Tums is tall enough to ride things and she sure did spend a lot of the time riding everything she could with her dad. Then taking me on the rides and saying "it's okay mama, don't be scared, I'm here. Here, hold my hand if you get scared." she is literally the best little person in my life.

We were on Test Track (the first time I ever got on it, finally) and during the speed test Tums screams out "OH FUCK" then she screams out "mama don't tell daddy I said thattttt" lol.

Winnie's first flight went amazingly well. She slept the majority of the flight and was so calm. Tums however, would not let anyone sleep. I was getting so mad. Especially since we had to get up at 3 and ended up still missing out flight. Lesson learned, NO MORE 6am FLIGHTS lmao. I'm not going to go into how many times we've delayed ourselves.

Usually if it's just me and Bubba we hit the parks as soon as we get there but since we had the girls, we took day 1 as Disney Springs day. I made a reservation at T-Rex cause I knew Tums would love it. It's the same idea as The Rainforest Cafe but with Dino's. She absolutely loved it and thought the Meteor Shower was so cool. I'm glad. I was a little worried she'd get scared. But she loved pointing out all the baby Dino's with their mama's. We got seated in the Ice Cave. I've only eaten in this area one other time but it's probably my favorite.

If I don't take a pic of the Disney Springs lake, am I really at Disney Springs?! This sight is much more gorg at night. It felt so fuckin good to be home. To stand on this bridge and to see the things that make my soul feel so much lighter and clear. And to run around Disney Springs is always a good time. I miss it so much already.

The next day we had a reservation at Ohana for breakfast; Tums has been into Stitch lately and I thought it would be the perfect chance for her to meet him. There are several other places you can, but I figured this would be the best way. She snatched all the Mickey waffles first of all. And didn't want to take pics with anyone but Pluto lol. I had Winnie dressed as Lilo and Stitch was playing peek a boo with her. It was the cutest thing ever.

As far as the meal, because Winnie is allergic to eggs we had to mention vegan options. They were so amazing with bringing her her own breakfast all you can eat plate with vegan options. They made the whole thing so easy and hassle free. I plan to write about this on my Disney food blog I'm launching later this month.

We also might had ate all of the vegan version of breakfast. The vegan eggs were mf amazing. I loved them. We might had also fought over the vegan cinnamon doughnut they gave her instead of the pineapple coconut bread they usually start you off with. 

Pro tip Winns: If you say "nah I'm good" please believe the rest of us will not hesitate to take it off your hands. SO BE SURE YOU'RE GOOD before you say you are lol.

Goose Creek is one of my favorite lesser-known candle companies. They release collections every season and do collabs with things like Strawberry Shortcake and Candy Land. Granted they're online only so doing a sniff test to some of these is not a thing. Their prices are affordable, and the burn quality is smooth. The scent throw is definitely there to throw. Both their candles and wax melts are definitely worth their prices, they also run frequent sales. 

I don't know why I stopped posting my hauls, especially my candle hauls but I really should start again.

I burned Canteen Hot Cocoa pretty much for all of December and it lasted me the majority of the month. 

Prominent scent notes:

Milk Chocolate, Warm Fudge, Fluffy Marshmallows, Whipped Cream & Vanilla

Canteen Hot Cocoa definitely had a chocolate scent which was the main scent being thrown. I couldn't detect much of the marshmallows but the whipped cream or a creamy-ness was there. The scent was strong enough to fill the whole apartment despite the candle only being lit in the office.

For the price this is worth a shot. Not to mention how cute is this candle label. I might be a little biased because I'm a sucker for watercolor anything, but I just loved looking at this candle on my desk!

If you're into chocolate scented candles I'd suggest checking out some of their other scents. With Valentine's Day coming up I'm sure they'll be releasing a lot more of the same theme!