Being 40 marks the 10 year anniversary of this blog; since then it's gained over 8k views a month even without me posting as regularly as I use to. You guys really search for Bath & Body Works candle reviews and that's great. I love that. I didn't expect that to happen when I started this blog.

Whoever said 40 is the new 20 was a damn liar. 

In terms of understanding yourself, those around you and being more self aware -- those things happen as you age, at least you can hope it happens for some people though I know a lot of people personally who aren't and it's a bit worrying. 

• Everything health wise puts you in the severe category, it's fun. Your health status reminds you that your body is actively planning your downfall 
• Your energy levels are non existent. Or maybe it's just me and my soul, will report back on that later
• You approach preimenopause and it. is. hell. here. literally, the hot flashes and night sweats make you feel like you just came back from hell everyyyy morning
• The brain fog... ooh girllllllll THE BRAIN FOG makes me feel like I'm meeting myself all over again like this is some kind of fucked up 50 First Dates shit. Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic, but it's pretty annoyingly shitty
• Leaving the house when it's over 85* outside in Texas, is a helllllllllllllllll no because I'm already getting hot flashes so why the fuck would I go out in that
• Your patience is non existent. You freely pop off at people because who cares, people will talk about you anyway so you might as well make it worth it that and like, people really just need to be told to stfu I guess otherwise they won't
• Face sun spots. I see them, everywhere. I use to see them on my dad, ask what was that. Why was his skin like that (he said it was because he popped his pimples also when he was younger), my pores are like, growing and if I hated them in my 20's, I HAAAAAAAATE them now but I see my dad's skin when I look at my own and it's such a bittersweet thing
• Your paranoia is in fuckin overdrive. And it's ridic what it comes up with. I use to do exactly what it told me not to do just to shut it up (in case you were wondering how I ended up working for Disney or you know, jumping states so freely), and I guess I could still do that but maybe it's all other things considered -- health wise -- that I'm not ready to just jump on a plane and tell my brain to fuck itself
• You don't digest food like you use to... and it gets worse the older you get. It's so fun. Eating something that you USUALLY eat and like, either get bubble fuckin guts or you break out in hives. It's a toss up how your safe food will fuck you up as you age

You also get hit with this insane kind of self awareness. Self awareness of the roots and causes of your trauma and how it's probably caused your physical ills. It's a very uncomfortable thing to realize, makes you feel helpless how to help yourself. And sad for not knowing or figuring it out sooner. But I guess it's better than going your whole life unaware and not being able to "fix" it.  

Maybe.

I haven't really figured out the solution, I know I will, it's just going to take some time. 

I am thankfully feeling less sick, the maintenance needed to keep me feeling normal sucks. But it is what it is and I don't think fixing this earlier would had made much of a difference, it was going to catch up to me sooner or later. I write it off as part of getting older. It has forced me to focus my life in places that should had taken priority the last few years, and didn't.

I have also been back on working on my usual hustle, it's much more challenging this time around for sure... mostly because the excitement of starting has faded, obviously, and because I now have 2 kids instead of 1 to keep track of while working... or struggling to work.

While it can be challenging, it is also very rewarding.

May Goals;

| Prep for May The Fourth

May The Fourth is something me and my husband celebrate every year since we got together in 2016. Sometimes we go all out and other times we just spend the day watching Star Wars movies and eating pizza. Now with 2 kiddos, we tend to go all out. I do appreciate that he takes this day seriously for me since I've had some horrible memories associated with it in the past.

But it's a day I look forward to every year. 

| Add 4 new products to each shop

I have a habit of working on things and just... never posting them lol. I know that makes zero sense, and honestly I can't figure out why I do this either, but I do and I need to stop. I miss the days I would just post/go for it and not even think twice. It's like the perfection of things matters when it really shouldn't.

People won't find you if you don't make yourself known. 

| Work on getting Shopify up & running

Me and Shopify have a very long and complicated relationship. There is so much flexibility with Shopify and so much more control over your business... but you're on your own to market without the help of Etsy's search bar. And because there is so much more freedom with how you design your Shopify shop, it can get overwhelming really fast.

However, at this point, I'd like to have that freedom and flexibility. 

| Write. More. Gaming. Posts

Again with the taking content and not posting lol. I demo and play a lot of games, especially ones that are in Early Release with the intention of making content and writing about it. It's just... the posting I struggle with lol! A recent trauma has played a part in that for sure, but I'm trying to push passed it.

I started writing for me, and I started long before I met people who discouraged and put me down about it. I started long before they could even learn to type. My audience does not include them, so why let something so small and insignificant stop me from doing something I love?

People who hate on you for your hobbies and interests when they could never even understand what you do is diabolical and says more about their own lack of hobbies and interests than it does about yours. Creators and creatives don't sit around and bash other creatives, that's what sets us apart from the rest.

| Purge kids outgrown clothes 

My husband found some newborn clothes mixed into our stuff. Not sure how or why they were there, but they were and it made us wonder what else is lurking in the clothing piles lol. I know I have some of Tums older stuff in one of my hampers from the last place, so I plan on going through that this month and purging the stuff that doesn't fit me or the girls anymore.

At 40, I feel the need to purge different areas of my space and my life. I think every 10 to 20 years it's good to take a look at your life and see how far you've come, where you want to go and who you want to be and adjust accordingly.

I miss doing the things I use to do effortlessly, like reading and blogging. Taking amazing product shots and working with companies. However I want to add create my own company to the list of things I've done and accomplished as well. And while my main shop has been down for some years now, I'm not done with it just yet.

So here's to a productive May and achieving the goals I set out for myself at 40.

 I thankfully got to celebrate my birthday like I usually do this year -- at Disney World. It's been a tradition to celebrate my birthday at Disneyland since I was 22. Then on my 25th birthday I started celebrating it at Disney World. I missed it the last 2 years because of... reasons. But now that that reason isn't around anymore, I'm free to celebrating my birthday the way I want.

It felt so good to go home after 2 years of being away. I miss my life in Florida all the time. I miss the weather. I miss my friends. I miss the ability to go to Disney when I want. I miss the little lizards you have to dodge in the Spring when their eggs hatch. I miss the weird Florida wildlife that always confused and surprised me. My life was always busy and exciting when I was in Florida. And it's just the one place I'm ever really truly happy.

Being there with both my girls? Even better. I had the best time. Tums is tall enough to ride things and she sure did spend a lot of the time riding everything she could with her dad. Then taking me on the rides and saying "it's okay mama, don't be scared, I'm here. Here, hold my hand if you get scared." she is literally the best little person in my life.

We were on Test Track (the first time I ever got on it, finally) and during the speed test Tums screams out "OH FUCK" then she screams out "mama don't tell daddy I said thattttt" lol.

Winnie's first flight went amazingly well. She slept the majority of the flight and was so calm. Tums however, would not let anyone sleep. I was getting so mad. Especially since we had to get up at 3 and ended up still missing out flight. Lesson learned, NO MORE 6am FLIGHTS lmao. I'm not going to go into how many times we've delayed ourselves.

Usually if it's just me and Bubba we hit the parks as soon as we get there but since we had the girls, we took day 1 as Disney Springs day. I made a reservation at T-Rex cause I knew Tums would love it. It's the same idea as The Rainforest Cafe but with Dino's. She absolutely loved it and thought the Meteor Shower was so cool. I'm glad. I was a little worried she'd get scared. But she loved pointing out all the baby Dino's with their mama's. We got seated in the Ice Cave. I've only eaten in this area one other time but it's probably my favorite.

If I don't take a pic of the Disney Springs lake, am I really at Disney Springs?! This sight is much more gorg at night. It felt so fuckin good to be home. To stand on this bridge and to see the things that make my soul feel so much lighter and clear. And to run around Disney Springs is always a good time. I miss it so much already.

The next day we had a reservation at Ohana for breakfast; Tums has been into Stitch lately and I thought it would be the perfect chance for her to meet him. There are several other places you can, but I figured this would be the best way. She snatched all the Mickey waffles first of all. And didn't want to take pics with anyone but Pluto lol. I had Winnie dressed as Lilo and Stitch was playing peek a boo with her. It was the cutest thing ever.

As far as the meal, because Winnie is allergic to eggs we had to mention vegan options. They were so amazing with bringing her her own breakfast all you can eat plate with vegan options. They made the whole thing so easy and hassle free. I plan to write about this on my Disney food blog I'm launching later this month.

We also might had ate all of the vegan version of breakfast. The vegan eggs were mf amazing. I loved them. We might had also fought over the vegan cinnamon doughnut they gave her instead of the pineapple coconut bread they usually start you off with. 

Pro tip Winns: If you say "nah I'm good" please believe the rest of us will not hesitate to take it off your hands. SO BE SURE YOU'RE GOOD before you say you are lol.

2023 was a lot like 2022 -- full of shit.

I got into drama with the same people and the same shit happened. It was like the  same damn repeat. Throw in giving birth, postpartum, Tums moving out, almost dying -- literally, and being dragged down a hallway by someone you spent your whole life saying was the most important person in your life.

I was angry, a lot.

And the girls deserve a mom who isn't always angry. Who isn't always in a bad mood. And it's crazy how we allow one person to have that much power to make us angry. It shouldn't be that way. Just like you shouldn't put your happiness in someone else's hands, you shouldn't put any mf emotions in another mf's hands. They're not you. They're not living YOUR life. They don't have to endure you and your mind and your life every single day. But you do. Your emotions should always be yours to control.

A lot more bad happened than good and it was awful kind of bad.

 Wow, I thought I had posted this here... but I guess I didn't. Whoops. That's a first of missing it. 

2021 was better than 2020 for sure. 

I got to see my BFF and spend my birthday with her at Disney World after not seeing her for 15 years. I also got to see my girl Alexis and it was our 10 year anniversary since our Disney College Program. It was so nice to see them both. I also got to go back in November for Christmas time stuff as well as hit Universal Studios where I met up with my friend Angely. She's so fun to be around! I'm glad I was able to see her!

The end of 2021 was unexpected for lack of better word. I opened up my shop and it did really well the first and second month. I mean it did pretty well all the rest of the year but the sales I made exceeded what I thought would happen. I'm thankful for the sales and the learning process that it took to launch my shop. It's been fun learning... well... everything. And having another outlet to express myself.

I got to spend more time with my Kuya Dru despite his crazy work schedule. Me and this dude have a crazy friendship history that spans all the way back to when we were 14 and freshmen in high school. I'm absolutely thankful for all these years of friendship (23 years of having to deal with my bullshit... and it's been a lot of bullshit) and having his guidance and company.

This year I want to focus more on balance.

Which is something I've struggled with especially since giving birth. I'm thankful for the ways I learned how to create balance between being a mother to a very active toddler and balancing a whole ass business. I lost a lot of sleep... but it was def worth it.

I want to focus more on balancing the things I want out of life and making them happen. 2021 showed me I'm capable of the things I know I'm capable of... I just have to want it and manifest it and keep my vision clear and unclouded -- that's the hard part.

Here's to 2022 and working more on myself and creating the life I want.

Did you pick a word for 2022? I'd love to know if you did in the comments below!

I have always been obsessed with books, reading, researching and dreaming of far away places. I remember in Kindergarten I was the first person to read all of the 4 books we had lined up for the month. I started writing stories when I was 7 about princesses with sisters that lived in big castles.

I stopped reading in high school because it made me look "nerdy" and I was on my hardcore thug bullshit back then. Growing up in The Bay was rough lol. I didn't get back into reading until my ex husband left for the military in 2009; then the world of Young Adult sucked me in.

But before there was Young Adult there were a number of books that changed my life; helped shaped the way I thought about myself, the world or others. Or just helped enlightened me. And if there's anything I'm still a sucker for it's the things that change the way we think.

So here's 5 books that helped shape me;