Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
It's FINALLY October 1st!
Which means it's officially THE MOST WONDERFUL TiME OF THE YEAR!
At least for me ;)
I know I should had have this blog post prepped and ready to go (along with several others) in advanced but you know... morning sickness kicked my ass in all of September. So hard. And it was nowhere near fun.
Oh, morning sickness. Right. I haven't announced it here yet, have I? I'll get to that later on this week!
But for now let's talk October and all things Halloween and happy things!
When did "Hot Cocoa" turn into a "Fall" scent though? I finally got to stop by Kohl's yesterday to see their new Fall candles and these labels are GORG but the thing I don't like about them is that their scent throw lit isn't that strong (at least last years) and the wax tends to tunnel. So while I am IN LOVE with these labels, I grabbed a few wax melts instead. I may go back for some of the jars eventually but yesterday wasn't that day.
As I mentioned September was taken over by morning sickness so my apartment isn't even AT ALL decked out for Fall yet and I'm SO disappointed in myself! I feel like I'm late! And while my nausea has lifted significantly, it's not like it's 100% gone 100% of the time like I'd LIKE it to be. But then, I guess that's part of the pregnancy "fun"... the suffering part.
I'm determined to do #BLOGTOBER this year and a weekly VLOG recap at the end of every week like I did last year. I have a few blog post idea's lined up for blogtober this year, the problem is up dating this blog as well as PLACES AND PEONIES and PXA... oye!
Here's to hopefully a productive October!
Do you plan on doing BLOGTOBER?
Hai guys.
I feel like I haven't been here in forever. I honestly think the idea of being the "ideal blogger" with the "perfect photos/flat lays" has seriously gotten to me and it's taking a serious toll on my blog and Instagram accounts.
I try to post photos and updates more freely on Twitter, as much as I can/remember to.
A lot has happened since the last time I was here so I'll try and do a quick recap;
I never really went back and talked about my experience with moving from state to state and with using a moving company.
I was just... really really upset with the outcome and the experience that beyond writing a review on Yelp, I didn't really want to talk about it.
But since it's coming around to that time of the year where I'm getting ready to move again, I figured I'd go back and talk about this.
Moving state to state is hard. Especially when you literally don't know what you're doing. Bubba helped me find a moving company and I had done some searches on Google and on Yelp; but PICKING one is the hardest part. These days it seems like reviews can be more hurtful than helpful and filtering out the reviews that are straight up complaints is hard.
I had a few leads and it came down to two.
When I was contacted by Coast to Coast Moving I was contacted by "Taylor" he break down the cost details and he broke down what the process was like he also stated that they were listed on a website called "Andrea's Choice" which was suppose to make them more "reputable" I guess. After going over inventory for days and finalizing it he quoted me with $1700. Assured me there was going to be no hidden extra charges and $1700 was all I had to come up with.
Here's the part that threw me off; I would call and ask a million questions just to make sure I understood everything COMPLETELY. Had him send emails with proof of the conversation. There was a time I had a question the Sunday before my move and so I called as he stated his phone was always open for questions and he threw out "as you can see it's my day off and I'm still answering my phone for questions." as if it was something he should be applauded for. He seemed like an okay guy who knew his stuff... until I handed over the deposit and it seemed almost instantly like his entire vibe and attitude had changed.
I didn't get into contact with him after that, I was passed on to someone else who would be handling my move. Someone else who even with the finalized inventory sheet "in front of them" had an incomplete list. So once again, I had to spend time fixing this damn list. He tried charging me extra and when I had protested that Taylor promised it would only be $1700 he "went to talk to his manager" and they "managed to cut me some deals" in order to keep my $1700 quote. On top of this, I had to exclude even MORE stuff.
When the pick up people got here, they were really not friendly at all. They moved stuff and worked very quickly. Didn't ask questions or say anything at all really. By the time they left I had to leave behind pretty much all of my living room furniture. The only things I brought with me were: my bed, my computer chair, one bookcase, my nightstand and my floor lamp. And since they "had to" pack my smaller boxes into a bigger box they charged me an extra $200 for it. Which was ridiculous as I didn't ask them to nor did they ask if it was okay. Boxes marked with "fragile" were completely ignored. Thank goodness I packed everything valuable with blankets. Not to mention that I noticed the paperwork said Unique Vanlines.
After all that time of Taylor bad mouthing brokers look who they are. SURPRISE, I guess.
Instead of the 10 days they said it would take for them to get my things to me, it took them 2 weeks. When it got passed the 10 days, when I'd call I would either get no answer or "they were unable to get into contact with anyone."
When they finally did come to drop my things back off the driver (I suppose) doing the paperwork had me lead him to my apartment to finish filling out the rest of the paperwork.
He very calmly, as if it were normal, told me he would have to charge me ANOTHER additional $150 because the location was over 75 feet away from the truck. I live in apartment complex. With an elevator. THE FUCK YOU MEAN OVER 75 FT FROM THE FUCKIN TRUCK.
I told him I didn't have that; he stated "I can continue to move your stuff into your apartment while you run to the bank if you have to."
1) No bitch, I mean I don't have that PERIOD because your bitch ass people quoted me $1700 which they PROMISED was all I had to pay. 2) THE FUCK YOU MEAN, I'm not leaving strangers in my apartment who already seem sketchy as fuck.
Frustrated and pretty much crying from how stressful this all is suddenly I went downstairs to the property manager and told her what was happening and if I could borrow a storage unit to try and eliminate some of the "steps". She was PISSED. And she went out there and yelled at the guy the whole elevator ride up to the storage unit to which he pretty much called us "stupid girls" and said it was "my fault" for "not reading the agreement" when I READ THE SHIT over and over again. I CALLED and verified HOW MUCH MONEY I NEEDED. I was SO ANGRY. DO NOT make me out to be some irresponsible chick just because you want to scam somebody then get mad when you're called out. He had the audacity to spew out more negativity before yelling down the hall way "fine, whatever, I'll work for free." Take that up with your sender, not me bud.
He ended up taking my stuff to my apartment "for free" by THROWING my boxes into the elevator. Didn't give a damn if they were marked fragile. As you can see the condition of my boxes in the photo above. Not just that, but had the nerve to ask if a piece they brought up was mine. ISNT THAT WHAT THE INVENTORY SHEET IS FOR?! They offered to put my bed together to which I declined and waited for them to leave. I handed them the money orders and slammed the door.
Then I curled up and cried and was so damn over the day that it wasn't even funny anymore.
Bubba came after work to help me unpack. He brought me food. And once most of the boxes were unpacked he shoo'd me off to take a hot bath while he and Sophie went to put the bed together.
It wasn't after all the boxes were put up that I realized I was missing a box full of makeup AND my floor lamp. I called to claim it and they told me to send an email. TO A GMAIL ACCOUNT. Once they "investigated" to which they said that they checked with all the others who shared the truck space and couldn't find my box OR floor lamp (THE WHOLE THING) they directed me to make a claim and when I did citing the cost lost they said they could only go off of weight to which the would only be able to reimburst me $150 because I didn't have insurance WHICH I SWEAR I FUCKIN DID.
There are just so many damn loopholes and so much scamming that is being done with this company and if other companies ARENT like this I feel bad for them. Other companies make people like me hesitant to ever want to hire any moving company ever again.
This entire experience was seriously ridiculous. I honestly wish I had gone with someone else, and even with research done it sucks that you can never be too sure if the reviews posted are legit or fake. After I had posted my review on Yelp, more negative reviews started coming on and with stories FAR WORSE than mine. It's insane that this company is still in business!
I was just... really really upset with the outcome and the experience that beyond writing a review on Yelp, I didn't really want to talk about it.
But since it's coming around to that time of the year where I'm getting ready to move again, I figured I'd go back and talk about this.
Moving state to state is hard. Especially when you literally don't know what you're doing. Bubba helped me find a moving company and I had done some searches on Google and on Yelp; but PICKING one is the hardest part. These days it seems like reviews can be more hurtful than helpful and filtering out the reviews that are straight up complaints is hard.
I had a few leads and it came down to two.
When I was contacted by Coast to Coast Moving I was contacted by "Taylor" he break down the cost details and he broke down what the process was like he also stated that they were listed on a website called "Andrea's Choice" which was suppose to make them more "reputable" I guess. After going over inventory for days and finalizing it he quoted me with $1700. Assured me there was going to be no hidden extra charges and $1700 was all I had to come up with.
Here's the part that threw me off; I would call and ask a million questions just to make sure I understood everything COMPLETELY. Had him send emails with proof of the conversation. There was a time I had a question the Sunday before my move and so I called as he stated his phone was always open for questions and he threw out "as you can see it's my day off and I'm still answering my phone for questions." as if it was something he should be applauded for. He seemed like an okay guy who knew his stuff... until I handed over the deposit and it seemed almost instantly like his entire vibe and attitude had changed.
I didn't get into contact with him after that, I was passed on to someone else who would be handling my move. Someone else who even with the finalized inventory sheet "in front of them" had an incomplete list. So once again, I had to spend time fixing this damn list. He tried charging me extra and when I had protested that Taylor promised it would only be $1700 he "went to talk to his manager" and they "managed to cut me some deals" in order to keep my $1700 quote. On top of this, I had to exclude even MORE stuff.
When the pick up people got here, they were really not friendly at all. They moved stuff and worked very quickly. Didn't ask questions or say anything at all really. By the time they left I had to leave behind pretty much all of my living room furniture. The only things I brought with me were: my bed, my computer chair, one bookcase, my nightstand and my floor lamp. And since they "had to" pack my smaller boxes into a bigger box they charged me an extra $200 for it. Which was ridiculous as I didn't ask them to nor did they ask if it was okay. Boxes marked with "fragile" were completely ignored. Thank goodness I packed everything valuable with blankets. Not to mention that I noticed the paperwork said Unique Vanlines.
After all that time of Taylor bad mouthing brokers look who they are. SURPRISE, I guess.
Instead of the 10 days they said it would take for them to get my things to me, it took them 2 weeks. When it got passed the 10 days, when I'd call I would either get no answer or "they were unable to get into contact with anyone."
When they finally did come to drop my things back off the driver (I suppose) doing the paperwork had me lead him to my apartment to finish filling out the rest of the paperwork.
He very calmly, as if it were normal, told me he would have to charge me ANOTHER additional $150 because the location was over 75 feet away from the truck. I live in apartment complex. With an elevator. THE FUCK YOU MEAN OVER 75 FT FROM THE FUCKIN TRUCK.
I told him I didn't have that; he stated "I can continue to move your stuff into your apartment while you run to the bank if you have to."
1) No bitch, I mean I don't have that PERIOD because your bitch ass people quoted me $1700 which they PROMISED was all I had to pay. 2) THE FUCK YOU MEAN, I'm not leaving strangers in my apartment who already seem sketchy as fuck.
Frustrated and pretty much crying from how stressful this all is suddenly I went downstairs to the property manager and told her what was happening and if I could borrow a storage unit to try and eliminate some of the "steps". She was PISSED. And she went out there and yelled at the guy the whole elevator ride up to the storage unit to which he pretty much called us "stupid girls" and said it was "my fault" for "not reading the agreement" when I READ THE SHIT over and over again. I CALLED and verified HOW MUCH MONEY I NEEDED. I was SO ANGRY. DO NOT make me out to be some irresponsible chick just because you want to scam somebody then get mad when you're called out. He had the audacity to spew out more negativity before yelling down the hall way "fine, whatever, I'll work for free." Take that up with your sender, not me bud.
He ended up taking my stuff to my apartment "for free" by THROWING my boxes into the elevator. Didn't give a damn if they were marked fragile. As you can see the condition of my boxes in the photo above. Not just that, but had the nerve to ask if a piece they brought up was mine. ISNT THAT WHAT THE INVENTORY SHEET IS FOR?! They offered to put my bed together to which I declined and waited for them to leave. I handed them the money orders and slammed the door.
Then I curled up and cried and was so damn over the day that it wasn't even funny anymore.
Bubba came after work to help me unpack. He brought me food. And once most of the boxes were unpacked he shoo'd me off to take a hot bath while he and Sophie went to put the bed together.
It wasn't after all the boxes were put up that I realized I was missing a box full of makeup AND my floor lamp. I called to claim it and they told me to send an email. TO A GMAIL ACCOUNT. Once they "investigated" to which they said that they checked with all the others who shared the truck space and couldn't find my box OR floor lamp (THE WHOLE THING) they directed me to make a claim and when I did citing the cost lost they said they could only go off of weight to which the would only be able to reimburst me $150 because I didn't have insurance WHICH I SWEAR I FUCKIN DID.
There are just so many damn loopholes and so much scamming that is being done with this company and if other companies ARENT like this I feel bad for them. Other companies make people like me hesitant to ever want to hire any moving company ever again.
This entire experience was seriously ridiculous. I honestly wish I had gone with someone else, and even with research done it sucks that you can never be too sure if the reviews posted are legit or fake. After I had posted my review on Yelp, more negative reviews started coming on and with stories FAR WORSE than mine. It's insane that this company is still in business!
Today was suppose to be the happiest day for me; it was suppose to be the day I announced your life.
Which won't happen.
I have counted down to this day since I found out I was pregnant on November 12th. I stopped counting Sunday's once it hit 12 weeks. There's nothing left to countdown to.
I don't even know why I'm blogging; I wanted to say something but now that I have this open I don't know what to say --- what would I say to you if you were still here? Would the things I want to say still apply? No, they wouldn't.
I keep crying about the fact that you're gone, that we never even got the chance to see you or hear your heartbeat. I mourn the fact that you were the easiest pregnancy I've had and I'm heartbroken to not be able to see what kind of person you ended up being. Or not seeing what you'd look like, or who you'd look like more.
I mourn the fact that me and you daddy spent months even before you were here talking about who you'd be, what you'd like. We talked about what would be the first book we'd read to you. What would be the first Disney movie we'd have you watch. What kind of Disney vacations we'd have with you. Holidays. Birthday's. We talked about almost all of it. And when you got here we were so excited about you and we were so happy to have you here.
And it sucks that the choice to keep you sometimes isn't up to us. That sometimes blessings don't stay. Things and people we wait for get lost.
I'll always mourn that you're gone and I never even got to see you. Despite your daddy constantly reminding me you're not gone --- not even a little bit. He helps me keep the memory of you alive. I wish you could had met your daddy, he loved you long before you got here and he waited for you.
We'll always miss you. Always. And we'll always keep you with us. Always.
~*~
Loss is a part of life, blessings are too.
Physically I'm feeling a lot better, but at my last appointment they told me that a pregnancy test can still come up positive for up to a month after a miscarriage so I'll have to go back next month to take a follow up test even though they tested the "clot" I had brought in and confirmed it did have traces of a fetus.
I hate that there's no REAL reason why miscarriage happens, how I was so close to being able to announce my pregnancy and be out of the miscarriage woods. I. Was. So. Close. I know that even after the 12 weeks you're still able to miscarry or lose the baby for various reasons and I never understood why TV and movies and thots down the street make it look SO easy to just pop out babies. Then there's the rest of us who have to struggle and wonder and endure loss who actually want the kids. And it seems a little bit unfair. Almost cruel the universe would make something this heartbreaking possible. At any moment. When you least expect it almost.
I'm sad for the fact I lost her on Christmas. Literally ON Christmas. I'm sad for the panic I felt and had to set it aside because it was Christmas. I'm sad to everyone else she doesn't even exist. It almost makes it feel like my pain and mourning shouldn't exist. Suffering in silence is something I hate with a passion.
I'm sure as time goes I'll come to terms with it a bit better and I know we'll always keep her in our memory and in our thoughts.
Losing something that was literally a part of you and losing something you were literally caring for within yourself is such a hard loss to face and I suppose I never realized just how hard of a loss until we lost her. I always thought pregnancy was gross and I still do --- the baby kicking part and all of that --- but there's also something incredibly magical and something about it that makes you feel the words "home" and "family" personified.
I'm lucky to have someone as positive and as strong and level headed as Bubba be her father and my partner in my life. I'm so lucky to have his endless support. He's been my bubble and my rock since all of this happened and I know he will continue to be for as long as I need him to be and for as long as I need to mourn the loss of our baby.
We will be okay, we will heal and we will never forget her.
I still can't believe how fast 2017 had just zipped by! Is this a sign of getting old?! Years just pass you by? It's almost kinda scary!
It's also been a whole week and let me tell you! I'm so over all these cramps and all this physical pain right now!
This year Bubba picked my {onelittleword} again and this year he picked [ C R E A T E ].
This is going to be interesting!
So the rule is once (or once every two) a week I have to create something. I haven't really put much thought into just what I want to create yet but there are a few things that have been on my yearly goals list for a few years now, like... making marshmallows, crafting a plushie, crafting a beanie, creating a mood board. And I'm sure there's maybe 3 other ones but I can't remember them right now.
So this year will be the year I finally tackle these things.
In addition to that I also have a few other goals I'd like to attempt:
⇢ Attempt to make Filipino dishes
⇢ Attempt to bake something off my Pinterest board once a month
⇢ Work on photography/**food styling photography**
⇢ Get more into bookstagram
⇢ Practice better beauty/lifestyle flat lays
⇢ USE A REAL CAMERA MORE
⇢ Read 36 books
⇢ Meditate/Yoga
⇢ Revamp blogs
⇢ Purge everything that doesn't serve me
⇢ Reorganize kitchen
There were others but again I can't really think of them right now. Bubba also has a goals list of this own:
--- Catch up/pay student loans
--- Finish Batman, Overwatch & DBZ shelves
--- Get one new outfit a month for Hazel and I
--- Watch a movie every other week
--- Finish Autumn's book
--- Play a new game every 2 months
--- Go on at least 1 trip this year
--- Build credit
There's a lot of things we want to see and do and accomplish this year and we're excited to see where this year will take us and what adventures we'll find along the way!
I'm so thankful for his uplifting attitude and his never ending happy vibe, I don't know how long I would had been sitting in my dark hole if he wasn't here to offer the support and happiness to remind me that life needs to keep moving forward even if we're hurting or even if we've suffering, it doesn't mean you have to stick yourself in a dark box. You can still grieve and you can still mourn while still planning to make the most out of your time and yourself.
So here's to 2018 and the adventures that are waiting for us ✨.
I'm a little sad this blog doesn't have more yearly recap's like this one I did for 2012, I know the last few years have sucked but damn. That bad?!
I tend to do this graphic every year... or I have the last few years but I honestly can't remember where and if I actually post them! Oh gosh, I should fix that some time soon huh?
This year, though I've already recapped it here wasn't very big on discovering much. At least... not as much as I would had liked. But then I don't think I'll ever really be happy with how much I discover since I want to discover ALL THE THINGS.
I'm going to try and copy that blog posts format as well though.
⇢ Favorite Book
I read less than my goal of 36 books this year but I did manage to finish The Lunar Chronicles thankfully! I didn't find a book I really would consider a "favorite" this year. I did really like Tentacle & Wing but I haven't written a blog review for it yet but you can find my Amazon review for it here.
⇢ Favorite Movie
I admit I haven't watched very many movies this year. According to Bubba I only watched 3 in theaters which were Beauty & The Beast, Power Rangers and Wonder Woman. Though if I had to pick, I'd say Wonder Woman was my favorite movie of the year.
⇢ Favorite TV Show
We restarted a bunch of older TV shows like New Girl and Glee and we've been watching The Food Network lately while we eat but we started Avatar this year also. I introduced him to Fairy Tail and he introduced me to The Devil Is A Part Timer. There's also Ouran Host Club. I'd say The Devil Is A Part Timer was my favorite show of this year.
⇢ Favorite Song
According to Spotify Bahala Na by James Reid and That's What I Like by Bruno Mars were my top 2017 songs lol. But I'd also throw in 2U by Justin Bieber and I Want Crazy by Hunter Heyes is pretty up there.
⇢ Favorite Video Game
I think I played way less games this year than last year. There aren't any games that stand out --- I still played FFXIV but I started slowing down after Stormblood came out and stopped pretty much completely after I moved. I got back on Animal Crossing for awhile but then stopped. So, I don't know. I guess if I had to say it would be Sims 4 for PS4 cause I could stay on that game forever.
⇢ Favorite Discovery
Caldo de Res and Coconut Milk from El Rancho.... annnnd a bunch of shopping centers here in Texas like Legacy Hall and Clearfork!
⇢ Favorite Makeup Item
The Too Faced Glitter Bomb palette, Urban Decay Naked Heat palette, Victoria Secret lotion in Cloudberry and the Chapstick cube lip balms in Cotton Candy!
⇢ Biggest Achievement
Getting Julep Ambassador, getting on the Target website with a candle product shot, moving to a different state by myself.
⇢ Favorite Moment
Me: I was gonna ask for a promise ring but I thought that would be lame
Bubba: Why do you need a ring when you already have the promise *kisses my ring finger*
Pretty much every weekend since I've been in Texas too.
My OCD backing off when I first moved in. But of course it came back, as it always does. I need to find a trick to get that to stay at some point.
⇢ Favorite App
Besides social media I haven't really discovered any this year. But I'd probably say Instagram and Pinterest.
My {onelittleword} this year was [ G R O W ] and I was still in the process of healing from various other things. I was still trying to get things together and figure things out. I tired to get myself to discover new things and go to new places and I think given the point in my life where I was at I did pretty damn good and there are moments I made massive progress. Like when I first moved in and my OCD wasn't AS bad; I didn't have to wash my hands all the damn time and I was able to put books and stuff on the bed without freaking out. I wonder why it's like that, it'll be almost gone when I move to a new place and the moment something stressful happens it comes back. Like wtf. Argh. Also having my own place is nice. Like a place that's finally JUST MINE.
There were a lot of great things that happened this year and a lot of great things I discovered and a lot of great moments.
I hope to discover more things, more places, more favorites and to be an even better version of myself next year and I can't wait to see what I'll discover!
Christmas time definitely has me a lot to be excited about --- there's just something so magical in the air during this time. All the lights, Peppermint and Gingerbread flavored everything, all the colors, all the cute holiday gift sets to view in the stores, all the decorations put up everywhere!
I was hoping to be a little bit more prepared for Vlog and Blogmas this year and yet I wasn't, I'm SLIGHTLY disappointed in myself but not by too much. I just don't really like scrambling to figure out content for THAT EXACT DAY. I use to be so much better/more organized when it came to blogging. Whatever did happen to those days?!
I've been adjusting to the cold weather here in Texas; I've grown so use to 90* year round weather from living in Florida for the last years that adjusting to a cold winter again after that long is a pretty hard transition! It was snowing in Austin a few nights ago but so far no snow here in DFW! Sucks! I'm waiting on it! It snowed last year, the weekend AFTER I went home. Other than that the fact I've had a cold since October that seems to never be going away and just increasing and decreasing has been rather annoying. So I've been coughing my nights away and feeling drained during the day.
Still, I won't let it stop me from enjoying as much of a real winter and a real Christmas as much as I can!
I still have yet to decide to bake anything this holiday season and while I've filled up my Pinterest boards with loads of idea's I haven't still decided on one particular one to try out just yet. I mean I've decided on one, so hopefully next week I'll get to attempt it!
I've also got to do something about my kitchen set up because I still have the Halloween runner on the table and that's just gotta go! It's just getting all the bits and bobs off that table (that shouldn't even be there to begin with) that's part of the problem. Ugh.
I've decided go cut down on the things I have going into 2018 because it's just all starting to drive me nuts, then again I say this pretty much twice a year. So we'll see how that goes. But I'm really hoping to tidy up my place a lot more before Christmas and New Year's gets here! Having a dizzy cat who tacks cat litter everywhere certainly doesn't help but I need to see what I can find to help her keep that litter off her tiny little paws.
There's not very many adventures planned this month sadly like there was last year but it's okay, adjusting to this weather and to other things are a little bit more important to me at the moment and I'll make up for it next winter when I hope to be more prepared for 40* - 30* days! Thankfully my mom sent me some cute winter clothes she had found and Bubba got me some fleece pj's I had wanted from Target yesterday when he went to grab me some stuff. And he also got me this really cute Grumpy Care Bears fleece poncho with a hood! I'm pretty obsessed with it already! I just threw it in the wash so I don't have pictures.
Speaking of, I need to make it into a habit of taking more photos with my actual cameras and less with my phone (which I've also been saying for years...) just because the iPhone photo quality is starting to bother me a bit. Sometimes it's really nice and clear and other times it's blurry af. I don't know why that is but sometimes it just is. So yeah, I need to make it a point to start using my actual camera.
I'm 18 books behind on my goal of reading 36 books this month, whomp. I highly doubt I'll be able to catch that up by much but I could try. I borrowed some shorter Middle Grade books from the library from a series I wasn't aware was still being made and Bubba let me open one of the Middle Grade books he got me for Christmas called The Magic Misfits by Neil Patrick Harris so those are definitely going to go on my TBR pile for this month.
What are some of your plans this month?
This entry is a few days later than I had planned for it to be up, and even now I haven't really spent much time thinking about what I'm actually trying to say lol so we're gonna wing it!
My anxiety has been on and off kicking my ass lately, some days it's not as bad as others and other days I just don't want to do anything but curl into a ball. I want to attempt to challenge myself this month. I read that the only way to ease anxiety such as OCD is to practice something I absolutely hate and scares the crap outta me --- exposure therapy. Though not at very high extreme's.
At the moment my apartment is damn near done with everything being unpacked, I just have to wash a few more blankets and find a home for certain things, then my whole living room needs to me mopped so I can stop wearing shoes inside my apartment and walk around in slippers like I've always wanted to. I personally hate wearing my shoes in my apartment but I didn't figure that there was a reason to go through a shit ton of cleaning if moving in, building stuff and all that wasn't even done yet. But now that all of that is, I don't have an excuse as to why I haven't mopped besides that I have 3 boxes left to be sorted though.
So one of my goals this month is to finish unpacking those 3 boxes and mop my floor.
October is very very close from now and I normally make an October/Halloween reading challenge list. I somewhat failed that last year so I'm hoping to do better this year. Along with that I want to be better at bookstagramming and being more active on my bookish social media accounts because I do really miss that world.
I have a few creative goals I'm hoping to start this Fall as well; all in all I have high hopes that my restart will begin. Now.
- Tidy and mop the apartment
- Read 4 books in preparation for October
- Pactice bookstagramming and flat lays
- Research social media tips
- Practice mindfulness
- Organize emails
- Play with makeup more
- Get 2 of Axelyn's main classes to 50
- Make 1 candle
- Learn to duel (as Bubba's request)
There are other things like find a job in my field which is going to take some time. But I would like to get a jump start on everything I moved here to do and accomplish.
My anxiety has a tendency to make me not want to move or make me afraid of certain things and I'm tired of being afraid. I try to push myself out of those moments as much as I can but sometimes I just feel like I can't. When in reality I need to push harder. I need to stop thinking things are so hard cause yeah maybe they are. Maybe they're beyond my current strength. But how can I get stronger or be better if I don't try?
I need to learn how to have more faith in myself. To trust myself more. I use to think I was this amazing person who could accomplish everything and then anxiety came around and I lost that mindset. I need to find it, work on it and bring it back. Because if you're not hyped about your own projects and idea's how can you expect anyone else to be?
Here's to a productive month full of adventures, new favorites and starting new goals.
So in my last update I still fairly new to doing research and picking a moving company.
Well, I'm happy to report I picked one! I sent out emails mid last week to the companies I decided not to go with and most were understanding through one in particular did not like the fact that I did no decide to go with them. I found this reaction to be very surprising as well as unprofessional! They took the contents of my original email and somehow turned it as me personally attacking them. I'm like, I don't have time for this. How crazy.
Now I just have to send in my deposit; probably edit my inventory list with them and see about the furniture that I'm setting to get rid of. I have a friend who offered to take whatever I don't want but I'm a little worried as I live on the 3rd floor and I'm not sure if you can fit a couch and several other pieces in a car.
I've decided to get rid of most if not all of the things I either bought or acquired in my last relationship because I just don't want any of that energy from that part of my life around anymore. It was a really hard situation and I just feel like by moving to another state I have the chance to start over and put all of it behind me, if that makes sense. Plus, all of this stuff is stuff I don't use and will likely not use once I move.
I've started the process of sorting through things in my kitchen drawers and cabinets as well as the fridge and freezer, only keeping things that realistically should be there. I haven't attempted to attack the pantry just yet but I will SOON! It feels so nice to have a tidy (and damn near empty) fridge and freezer! As well as cleared off kitchen counters! I don't know what it is about it, but it's like ah. I've started to take things down as well and I'll be packing up the bookshelf out in the living room first, then sorting through the papers in the desk I'll be giving away next.
My room is going to be the most stressful of the places to pack and I know I should probably sort through things.
Especially this mess of things!
This is where all my makeup that doesn't have a "home" goes. I honestly don't remember what's all in here. But it definitely needs sorting and real homes lol.
I need to call utility places today to cancel my internet and electric for my day of move before they try renewing my contract. And also find out what electric and internet companies are in Texas and how much it'll cost to turn it all on.
So I just went and made half of those calls just now.
One of the problems now being that my ex didn't pay off the AT&T bill like he was suppose to for the last month we had their service and so I'm pretty sure unless I pay that insane amount I won't be able to turn my internet on at my new place since they use AT&T, awesome.
This is why you shouldn't have no one move in unless they're on the lease and WILL pay you half for EVERYTHING. Ugh, I'm so annoyed. I'll figure something out, somehow.
Other than trying to decide on an electric company and the internet situation as well as paying the deposit on the moving truck; mostly sorting, cleaning up/out and the beginning stages of packing are my main concern for this week and next week.
I don't see why packing is so hard to START (I mean, my anxiety and OCD kind of stop me a bit from it all as well) because as soon as I start I don't stop until at least half if not more than half of it is done. It just takes a lot of time. And I don't want to do what my ex did last time and just throw anything and everything into whatever box cause that was hell and is still hell since I can't find a bunch of important things. I normally separate things by room/section by box. I don't do none of that random throw things in a box mess cause unpacking is just as stressful as packing! And it can sometimes be even MORE overwhelming than actually packing and moving. I'm trying to make it easy on myself and getting rid of things I absolutely don't need or won't use when I get there so I don't have to deal with finding that stuff a place to go even if it's "temporary". I might as well just get it all out and over with before I even get there.
I also need to back up my files like crazy, that part I tend to forget sometimes.
I know I've moved from CA to FL twice and from FL to CA once. But that was before; before I had furniture and a cat. Despite how much I have accomplished and achieved and gotten done on my own for some reason when it comes to this move I feel... lost.
I wanted to start a bit of a series to document my move and I'll try my hardest to be honest and real and raw and update as frequently as I can. More for my sake than anyone else's, just so I can look back on this later.
Honestly I started blogging in 1999 because my mom kept reading my journals and I wrote because I've always had this fear of forgetting things and so I'd keep a record of my day no matter how exciting or mundane it was and in 2008 I started blogging about makeup to keep track of things I already had to avoid double purchasing. Somehow I lost track of that. So with this, I'm trying to recapture this.
---------
Moving from a different state to another state is kinda... stressful.
Besides having to pack everything, pull everything apart and things like that there's also payments to wrap up as well as payments to start, plane tickets to get to the new state, moving companies, cleaning services and lots of other things like that. In all honesty, I SHOULD be packing my stuff in boxes like RIGHT NOW but my anxiety stops me from a lot of things. So battling with that is a whole 'nother post on its own.
I've looked into other moving companies, the problem with that is that it looks like all the moving companies are trying to 1up each other or talk bad about each other or "WATCH OUT FOR THIS" so it's really confusing and really hard to know who's telling the truth about what and I know it could be as simple as just Googling these companies but so many call and email on a DAILY BASIS that it's like in the middle of everything else.... argh. You know?
The first moving company I contacted, which is a company I see around Central Florida a lot when people move quoted me $4200 for just my bedroom which includes like 8 pieces of IKEA furniture. That is INSANE. The other option they gave me was for $1500 but it would take my stuff 1-2 weeks to get there. I was pretty disappointed with this.
My boyfriend helped out a bit by finding me companies that would be much more affordable; the other place that contacted me would charge $1400 and my stuff would get there within 3 days. There's still a lot of other companies to look into however.
Right now (hopefully for the rest of this week) my main concern is sorting through all the makeup and little things I don't need or use anymore. Then moving on to the clothing I don't need or use anymore then I can start packing. So the faster I can sort through things the faster I can start packing!
So yes that is definitely going to be this week's goal!
Looking back on my goals for March, I can say I didn't really complete most of them. The month seemed to had just zipped passed me. I wonder if this is just a thing that happens when you older or nah.
G O A L S R E C A P
--- I did find an apartment luckily on the first day I started looking!
--- I didn't post more videos, I only posted one video in March and it was a video I filmed in January so yeah, though I did post something it wasn't exactly what the goal was.
--- I managed to drink a little more water but that habit ended up falling away, like it normally does. I really need to make this a priority.
--- I managed to post on Instagram a number of times a day but I ended up taking random 3-4 day breaks too, I just needed to step away from the obsession of it also.
--- I didn't meditate.
--- I didn't read. Like, at all.
--- I didn't cancel enough subscription boxes.
--- I paid more attention to Penny \o/
--- I tried to blog more.
--- I still don't know how to incorporate more me in my social media.
--- I should had defined "prep for Easter" a little more...
The big thing was finding an apartment --- which I did. So thank freakin goodness for that! Like I mentioned in my Hello April post, this is the time of year where it goes by quickly and before I know it I'll be sitting in front of moving day so let's hope that I get most of what I set to accomplish this month done. Though I'll admit; a lot of the times I'm unable to complete certain tasks because of my OCD/anxiety so that really makes things difficult. I'm planning on making a few changes through this month that inner me isn't going to like but outer me knows needs to be done. Maybe I'll make a different blog post for that later.
If I had to describe February in one word it would definitely be distracted.
It didn't turn out the way I had wanted and once again I let my emotions take over and make me lose sight on some goals I had this month (as you can see I didn't post any blog posts or videos this month which yes, I am kicking myself about... I'm hoping to do better for Easter/Spring). The reason being... remember how I said I was going to Texas this month to go apartment hunting? Well, it seems as though I had booked my flight one day earlier than I was suppose to and because of all the stressors going on it slipped my mind to check before the departure date like I normally would so I didn't realize I was a no show for my flight until THAT NIGHT meaning all that packing and preparing I was doing that day was for nothing. So yeah, I missed my flight, wasn't refunded the money and I had to pay a $100 penalty for cancelling my hotel reservation "too late". I was pretty disappointed with myself for a LONG time. I still kinda am but what can you do. I was suppose to spend my Valentine's Day with Bubba but since I wasn't able to get to Texas I went online shopping at home by myself instead.
In the same week my ex came and got my phone and PS4 which I didn't mind giving either things back as long as it meant he would stop trying to contact me. He was pretty much abusive our whole relationship and I'd rather not have him contact me, ever again. Though he's the type to pretend like things were all good and "be nice" as long as it benefits him. One of those people. I'd rather just stay away from all of that and him.
So yeah, that's how my optimistic February went down hill --- fast.
Let's take a look at the goals I had for February in this post.
G O A L S R E C A P
--- I did read 4 books this month \o/ I'm pretty obsessed with The Lunar Chronicles right now
--- I managed to finish a bit of products and hadn't even noticed
--- I found maybe one or two favorites this month
--- Cancelled a bit of subscription services I didn't really want/need anymore
--- Got over 550 Instagram followers.... FINALLY (I've been sitting at 550 for a year with all the following/unfollowing people do)
--- Tried 2 new restaurants; Planet Hollywood (since they revamped the menu we're calling this "new") and Paddlefish (again another revamp so we're calling it "new")
I'm seriously struggling right now to come up with goals I had achieved this month. Oh bother! Ah well, you can't fit too much into a short month anyway, I suppose.
That said I will be re-attempting to go apartment hunting some time in the following month (don't worry I'll MAKE SURE to book the RIGHT day this time), the little break away from Orlando will be nice. Spring is coming up and the weather here is reflecting that which is always nice, I love Spring and Fall in Orlando the most. Easter is one of my favorite holidays and I'm so ready to deck out as much of my apartment and room in pretty pastel colors as I can. I'm so lucky my roommate doesn't care about the crazy decorations or whatever I put up. She kinda just rolls with it. So yeah.
While I did get my Canon S90 camera back (finally) I've grown pretty attached to my Sony WX300. And I'm thinking of upgrading the Canon to a G9 instead.
I'm going to be doing a series of Monthly Recap on this blog every month to document the things I loved, the things I hated and the things I stumbled across. I love looking back at the end of the year to see the progress I've made and the things I loved and hated. I don't know, it's always been a favorite thing of mine to do!
G O A L S R E C A P
>> I read 2 books
>> I completed my goal of finishing 5 candles
>> I managed to compile an empties list
>> Finished my MSQ on FFXIV \o/
G O A L S R E C A P
>> I read 2 books
>> I completed my goal of finishing 5 candles
>> I managed to compile an empties list
>> Finished my MSQ on FFXIV \o/
>> Found a few favorites
>> Making sure to make lists when I go to the store
>> Started using my Sony WX300 to take product shots
>> I re-caught the attention of the Yelp Elite staff and crossing fingers for my badge back
>> Posted two videos; Unboxing | #SanrioSmallCrate and Unboxing | December 2016 Owlcrate
>> Posted two videos; Unboxing | #SanrioSmallCrate and Unboxing | December 2016 Owlcrate
As far as goals, I didn't meet too many in the month of January.
My gathering classes on FFXIV are leveling faster than I expected them to but none are capped out at 60 just yet. My Summoner is missing one last il260 piece of gear \o/ then I can work on upgrading it to il270 every week and working on upgrading the gear for either my Bard or my Scholar to il260 next. I'm also working on getting one of the PVP mounts, just the first silver one. I already got a complete gear set for my Bard and my title. Now I just have to win 10 matches.
My apartment has been invaded by house flies so if I've been posting anxiety filled posts it's because of that making my OCD and anxiety sky rocket. We did manage to find the source and clean it up (it was SO DISGUSTING) and I'm going to try to be better at letting my roommate know to keep tidy now that this happened. So now all we can do is wait and hope that the rest of the flies die off. There won't be any new ones --- thank God. But that has been eating up a lot of my mind space, my time and my energy as of late. And I hate it.
A COUPLE OF MY FAVORITE JANUARY MOMENTS
Going back to BurgerFi in my favorite plaza
All the pretty pinks and reds in Target isles for Valentines Day!
Being able to order delicious Gators via UberEats!
Coming across this --- not 100% sure what I think just yet but it sure is pretty!
Trips to Disney is always my favorite --- but seeing pink everywhere? Even better!
SOME OF MY FAVORITE JANUARY FFXIV MOMENTS
I'm in love with my culinary glamour!
He was /embrace-ing me but it looks like he's biting my head lol
Everyone hates the new raid dungeon but I really like this entry way!
A cute photo Penny snapped of us hugging his Chocobo Kickenwang between PvP matches
I'm incredibly excited for February!
* I really always do forget to mention my relationship in my posts... not that you can really recap a relationship or anything but just for future Hazel who I know will be looking back on these posts some day --- your relationship, though long distance is probably the easiest relationship you've been in. You've hit 7 months together and still going very strong. You changed Axelyn Lockser's name to Lady Axelyn'puss which did surprise Penny and his reaction was amazing. Through your heaviest nights of anxiety this month because of the flies he's called before bed and waited for you to word vomit your heart out until you gained enough ease to fall asleep. He doesn't think your anxiety or OCD is crazy, at all and he's really down to help you through it all. You got lucky with this one zellie!
I thought that maybe if I did something like this, a weekly recap post every Sunday I could possibly maybe keep my goals in order and be held accountable for them. We'll see!
B L O G G I N G
>> I've been working on posting up some blog posts on my book blog again and I finally gained access to my food blog again after it being locked for about 5 years (yeah, I know)!
>> I have a few video's planned for filming this week as well. I still need to get those videos edited and up.
>> I'm doing it again! I'm being too focused on if my photos look okay that it's starting to bother me! And that is not the purpose of blogging! So stop it Hazel! Stop it!
P E R S O N A L
>> I didn't finish any books this passed week... eep #fail>> I posted the recap of the 4 Graze snacks I tried last week here
>> I've picked the last 4 for this week as well
>> I finished 1 out of the 5 candles ~_~ slow and steady wins the race
F F X I V
>> I. FINISHED. ALL. MY. MAIN. STORY. QUESTS FIIIIIIINALLY>> My gathering classes are all around high 30's which is weird... I should probably focus more doing this one at a time before I burn myself out
>> I still haven't touched my BLM or my WHM much ~_~
I actually haven't spent that much time on FFXIV since I've been busy blogging and catching up on Yelp reviews all week... which is where most of my week went --- to catching up on Yelp reviews. I really want to get my Yelp Elite status back! I'm still mad I lost it!
I've been on the search for my Essie Eternal Optimist nail polish (my fav spring shade) but I can't find it! I can't find the jar I had put some of my polishes in and I swear I knew where it was.... so strange! I need to stop moving so much!
I'm still trying to get my ex to get me my Canon S90 camera back... which sucks that he even has it. I swear I hid it from him, he always hated that camera so imagine my disbelief when he said he had it... how?! Ugh.
Almost two weeks until my trip, I need to start gathering information and setting aside the things to pack to make this easier on myself soon. Sigh. I can't believe I'm getting ready to travel again so soon! The thought is tiring but exciting! I don't know how people travel for work so much, I can't imagine how tiring that must be to pack and unpack just to pack again! Then again it might be tiring for me because of my anxiety as well....
Speaking of! My anxiety was kicking my ass all week. The kitchen was wrecked so I went and swept, mopped, did the dishes (that weren't mine) and scrubbed the stove (that I hardly ever use) and I didn't feel the anxiety ease off until about the next day. I don't know why it's so hard to keep my kitchen tidy but it's driving me nuts and definitely giving me a bit of anxiety. The next place I have I'm getting carpet and keeping my kitchen spotless. I CAN NOT handle a messy kitchen it is definitely one of my BIGGEST pet peeves!
My anxiety has calmed down a bit since then, so that's good. I just need to tidy my room and sort my closet a bit more, hopefully before my trip! I also hate coming home to a messy room. I always make sure to clean, tidy and make my bed when I go on vacation. Just weird habits I have.
I've been on the search for my Essie Eternal Optimist nail polish (my fav spring shade) but I can't find it! I can't find the jar I had put some of my polishes in and I swear I knew where it was.... so strange! I need to stop moving so much!
I'm still trying to get my ex to get me my Canon S90 camera back... which sucks that he even has it. I swear I hid it from him, he always hated that camera so imagine my disbelief when he said he had it... how?! Ugh.
Almost two weeks until my trip, I need to start gathering information and setting aside the things to pack to make this easier on myself soon. Sigh. I can't believe I'm getting ready to travel again so soon! The thought is tiring but exciting! I don't know how people travel for work so much, I can't imagine how tiring that must be to pack and unpack just to pack again! Then again it might be tiring for me because of my anxiety as well....
Speaking of! My anxiety was kicking my ass all week. The kitchen was wrecked so I went and swept, mopped, did the dishes (that weren't mine) and scrubbed the stove (that I hardly ever use) and I didn't feel the anxiety ease off until about the next day. I don't know why it's so hard to keep my kitchen tidy but it's driving me nuts and definitely giving me a bit of anxiety. The next place I have I'm getting carpet and keeping my kitchen spotless. I CAN NOT handle a messy kitchen it is definitely one of my BIGGEST pet peeves!
My anxiety has calmed down a bit since then, so that's good. I just need to tidy my room and sort my closet a bit more, hopefully before my trip! I also hate coming home to a messy room. I always make sure to clean, tidy and make my bed when I go on vacation. Just weird habits I have.
How are your yearly goals going so far?
The last week and a half I feel like I'm just... floating on by.
It's crazy when anxiety hits you because one minute you could be totally fine and the next minute, without cause or reason, literally out of nowhere suddenly you're really really not.
I get anxiety for a lot of reasons --- there's a lot of things that have happened recently that I know I haven't settled within myself. I haven't taken the time to grieve, to pull the events that took place apart just to put them back together to make more sense to me. I don't write about things like that anymore, I don't blog about them, I try not to talk about them. And I don't know why, I don't know why I stopped. I always feel like I can take on the world by myself; that this problem is mine and mine alone. But as of late I've just been... ignoring them. I tell myself that these things are over and done with and there's no reason to be upset or hold grudges or mourn. Like doesn't stop for anyone. So keep your head up, smile and remember that despite the things that have happened the important thing is that those days are over and they're not coming back. You're okay now. You're safe now. You're loved now. There's no need for fear or worry. There's so much in life to be thankful and happy about now. There's SO MUCH.
But if you have anxiety, you know that even telling yourself of all the positives sometimes that shit just creeps up on you and smacks you upside the head like hey, remember me? Of course I do, can't forget someone who won't go away.
I've been drained the last week and a half. I haven't felt like doing anything and I didn't get anything done. I did clean my kitchen which I think triggered everything; cleaning a mess that isn't mine and having to do this shit all over again. It's the little things, isn't it? That always fuck with your head when you least expect it. All I know is that I've been in a bad mood overall and easily irritated by the littest things and I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I've been hating hot baths, phone calls, text messages --- I don't want anyone to talk to me. I just wanna be left alone. And I keep crying.
On the upside, I keep forgetting to take anti anxiety meds (which I only take now on weeks like this which doesn't happen often at all). So it must not be that bad if I keep forgetting, right?
And today I decided to get up, appreciate the sunshine and get back to work.
Anxiety is always going to come back, but it's up to me to decide how I'm going to handle it.
It helps I have an amazing boy who will call even when he has work early the next morning and talk to me to calm me down and make sure that I'm really okay before he even thinks about going to sleep. Who can tell when my vibe has changed and will make me laugh or watch a movie or a TV show with me and wait until I'm ready to talk about it. He might not know anything about depression or anxiety but he sure does know how to ease most of it when it shows up and for that I'm incredibly thankful.
I've been drowning myself in slow jams and feel good music to try and change my mood. So far it's working.
Also, sorry this blog post didn't have any pictures, I just needed to talk today.
Let's try to break this down a little more... and also, I really wanted to use this image.
Hazearella was created as a place for me to be.... me. I ditched my other blog fairytale lifestyle after realizing my life was not a fairytale (anymore) and that my time working at Disney came to an end. So, I figured why not make a blog more me based? And since launching Hazearella, I haven't really done that. I've still confined myself to not growing at all (and I just realized it says 2015 on the image and not 2016... goddammit whatever) and not really displaying who I am.
So in 2017 let's try and change that. Yeah?
B L O G G I N G G O A L S
- Post at least 3 times a week
- Learn more about SEO
- Learn more about social media
- Be more active on my social media
- Try to incorporate more blog posts about me
- Take more quality photos
- Post more videos on YouTube
P E R S O N A L G O A L S
- Read 36 books
- Learn more French
- Incorporate meditation back into my life
- Incorporate more Hygge into my life
- Discover more favorites
- Discover 5 new restaurants
- Get back into the habit of making lists
F F X I V G O A L S
- Get WHM, BLM and a tank class to 60
- Get Mining and Fishing to 60
- Get Weaver and Culinary to 60
- Clear out retainers
- Unlock all the flying locations
- Finish MSQ
There was something else I wanted to add to the list and I forgot what it was... drat. I know I'll add to this more when I think of more goals I hope to accomplish.
I know I want to revamp the look of my instagram feed for both Hazearella and Readarella. It's just hard to do that sometimes when you're not 100% sure of what you want your feed to look like. I guess I should go for a more emotional theme than a visual one and quit stressing myself out.
There are a handful of exciting things I have planned for this year that I'm hoping are going to happen and if they do I will definitely be filming and picture taking the hell out of them.
My main hope for this year is for me to GROW. And for me to be a step closer to figuring things out. To find more joy and more peace of mind and to get back to the place I was before the big ball of depressing shit had happened.
So here's hoping I have more to say in 2017.
It's that time of the year again...
Where we talk about #onelittleword.
This year my word is [ g r o w ].
I personally didn't pick this word, Penny picked it for me, but it was around the type of word I was looking for. And I think it fits pretty perfectly for what I hope to accomplish this year.
The last two years have been... a mess. A very very huge and complicated mess and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces and clean it up but it's going to take time --- a lot of time. And with that I can't make any huge life changes until then... which is really where the biggest struggle lies. I'm all about those big life changes (I am an Aries after all)!
But I'm going to give myself time this year. And patience. And I'm going to try to do better with trusting the process instead of being the impatient little girl I am fully capable of being 90% of the time.
I don't really have very many goals for this year... at least I haven't really thought of any. I suppose I'm trying to take a more realistic look at what I hope to accomplish this next year and nothing is coming to mind... for the first time ever. It's kinda relieving and a little sad.
- Read 36 books
- Blog more
- Take more pictures
- Be more organized
- Find more joy
- Try 5 new restaurants
- Learn more French
- Work on fixing everything --- one thing at a time
I'm sure as the year goes on I'll come up with more goals but for now, let's try and keep it as simple as we can.
I'm always so curious to look back and know what my best of was for the year and I'm sad to say that 2016 didn't really have a lot of when it came to that. My best nine wasn't that impressive either which was sad.
So here's to making more memories, finding more favorites and discovering more joys in 2017!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!
I was waiting for Bubz to get home from work but he ended up caught up in family stuff so... no dailies and no movie tonight /shrug. Haha long distance probs! It's all good though, I'll stay up to open gifts still. Just, three more hours!
I'll probably craft some on FFXIV and run my crafting dailies. I need to make that gil yo.
I ordered Chinese take out too.
I realized I don't really have any Christmas Eve/Day food traditions or any Christmas Eve/Day traditions at all really. Like I said before, I never was really into the idea of actual Christmas. So this is kinda, new. Surprisingly. I do tend to eat Chinese though, but I also crave it on Christmas. It's just a little harder when you don't have family or anything with you. Even if it has been 3 years in a row, it doesn't really get any easier.
It's totally fine though.
Peace and quiet is nice too.
I haven't watched any of my Christmas/Winter movies yet which kinda sucks. I kinda forgot about them and I didn't read Dash and Lily's Book of Dares this year either.
But like I also mentioned, this year has been kinda rough. So I can't really expect myself to dabble in the same usual things and that's fine. There's always next year. Hell, I celebrate Christmas up until the first week of January, there's still time!
I'm really looking forward to Spring colors and Valentines Day and Spring scents now lol. But that will come soon enough.
For tonight I'll do some FFXIV stuff, read a little and maybe watch Serendipity while I wait for midnight to roll by.
What are your plans for tonight?
The best way to battle depression is by practicing gratitude.
*digs through pretty makeup bag*
*stares at pretty collection of books*
*cuddles sophie*
*looks at emails of companies who want to work with me*
*rereads sweet positive messages from friends*
*looks at level 34 arcanist on FFXIV i achieved*
Just because I deal with depression doesn't mean I'm ungrateful. It doesn't mean I think my life sucks or that I have nothing. Depression isn't something you can control. It's something you have to WORK AT EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR GODDAMN LIFE. And some days will be massively harder than others. Some weeks. Some months. No one knows. Not even you.
Today, I'm just too tired to fight. And it makes me feel weak. But I need to realize THAT'S OKAY to feel weak, it doesn't mean I am. It's okay TO FEEL. It's okay to spend all day crying.
I never cut myself a break. I force myself to get up and fight every single day. I force myself to be stronger. I EXPECT myself to be stronger.
I just need to remember to breathe. Surround myself with stuff that makes me happy normally. To take it one step at a time. I'll be okay. It's a process. And that too, is okay.
Weekly Recap use to be a weekly thing I did on this blog and my previous lifestyle blog a few years ago. I recently haven't been able to find time to keep up with it that regularly so I stopped. It is something I would like to get back into, especially since these seem to be some of my favorite posts from other bloggers as well!
This weekend I got sick.
And apparently a lot more than I thought happened, happened.
Sunday's lately have been for relaxing; which is nice. I usually end up rushing around on Sunday's getting homework and doing some chores done. This last Sunday we took a walk around a plaza we frequent and I was able to pick up the pretty pastel Ulta makeup bag they were giving out for free with a purchase of $20 in Ulta brand beauty products. I ended up picking up this palette on a whim but I am heavily excited about the quality! I can't wait to play with it!
In addition to celebrating the ten year death anniversary of my baby hamster Flix (I wish I had a post to refer back to about how much he means to me but I never wrote one on this blog --- goes to show I need to write more!), my mom informed me that my baby girl back home Chammy has passed. My mom doesn't like telling me these things... a few years ago I completely flipped out when I found out my first cat passed while I was living across the country doing an internship with Disney World. I took it really badly and it took me forever to heal. But my anxiety was at an all time high back then and my new husband was showing his true useless colors. It was just a bad time in my life.
Chammy was rescued in 2012. She was the runt of the two litters. She was really tiny but she loved food and she was very active as a kitten. Then one day she just... wasn't. She didn't play but she loved treats. She stayed tiny. She was always throwing up and sick but she was a happy girl who kept my mom company and was her little healer. Chammy lived to be 3 1/2 years, which is a hell of a lot longer than we thought she would make it. She will always be missed. She inspired me to adopt Sophie, since Sophie is so tiny and throws up a lot she reminded me of Chammy. I don't regret adopting Sophie no matter how much of a handful she is and we never regretted rescuing Chammy no matter what she got into. We love you Chammy girl, always.
I got a lot of loves the next few days from Jane and Sophie. It's nice to be surrounded by fur babies. This particular morning Nick and I woke up to toys from Jane scattered around. She likes leaving him toys at night. As if Jane could get ANY more adorbs, right?!
It's been nice this week. Nick has been watching a few vlogs lately and I'm hoping it'll inspire him to start his own... so he picked up the dSLR and played with it a bit.
I went with Nick to work on Thursday. I was having issues with my bank card --- honestly I was having issues with Bank of America since the day I signed up, I'm so done with them --- and I wasn't able to pay for my lunch. So I called my bank to see what was going on. I was on the phone for 45 mins. The lady who was taking my order ended up just giving me my meal for free. She was like "I was waiting for you to get off the phone to tell you I was just going to handle it for you, I'm not going to let anyone starve!" I was SO touched. Like, I was having a rough 24 hours and the fact that she did this nice thing for me seriously was going to make me cry. I was uber thankful for her sweet gesture. I love how when I'm feeling down and out a stranger always comes along and reminds me of why I shouldn't give up. It's the universe giving you little memos along the way, you've just gotta listen.
So to the kind lady at the bagel place, thank you SO much. You did so much more than you could ever imagine for me that day!
Managed to give this drink a try. Didn't realize that there was milk in it and ended up getting sick. Apparently my lactose intolerance has come back. Full force.
I also did a candle exchange at Bath & Body Works I was disappointed in. Usually if I do product for product even exchange it's not a problem. Candle for candle. But the lady at this store decided to scan the candles and went off their price. So for the two I went in to exchange she only let me get one. That's never in the years I've been shopping at BBW ever happen!! I love BBW but I've noticed lately that they haven't been that great with in store exchanges or customer service. I'm a little glad I've been loving Yankee Candle a bit more recently. They don't pull shady crap like that.
*edit. I just called customer service about it and they said I was suppose to get two candles for my two. Strange.
I was hit with intense stomach pains for hours so Nick made me a fluffy nest on the couch and some creamy chicken soup. I couldn't move so I couldn't feed myself so he handed me Norman to help. Who's in worse shape than I'm in lol. He legit filmed the entire struggle of me trying to get this straw-to-soup thing to work though.
Woke up to this email! Nick and I made it on the Influensters email! How cool is that?!? You can watch the review we did here!
I can't get over the look on Sophie's face here. Nick grabbed her for kisses and she was struggling then she just... gave up. She looks like she's smiling but she also looked really really scared lmfao!
Of course all was forgiven with the help of her favorite food in the world --- cheese. She will literally jump on you for it. And steal it out of your hand.
Woke up with a migraine Saturday morning so decided to do some lightweight cleaning and laundry and lit candles around the apartment. Anything to make it more zen and peaceful.
I'm loving this new scent from Bath & Body Works Spring collection this year. This was one Nick actually picked up and liked (he's totally anti BBW and pro Yankee Candle). Plus it's pink so it fits on my vanity prefectly. Also, I can never find my NYX Jumbo Pencil in Milk. I swear every time I use it, it grows legs and walks away right after...
Here's to hoping I feel better soon!
How was your week? Anything exciting happen?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons